I often wonder why people return, time after time, to emotionally abusive relationships. They finally put their foot down. They finally set themselves free... and before you know it, they're right back in the same routine with the same person.
This is a recurring theme with someone very near and dear to me. It breaks my heart because I know she's smarter than that. Or, I just want so badly to believe she is. I understand that it's not the easiest decision to stay away - especially when you feel comfortable around this person, and there are children involved. But there's got to be a point during which you break free, realize how hurt you have been, and decide enough is enough.
I have tried to be supportive of her every decision while maintaining my open, honest opinion about the situation. Others have bent over backwards to provide help, transportation and protection when she finally decided it was over for good. I guess it didn't surprise me all that much when I learned that she was falling for the same traps again.
My question for you, readers, is this:
How many times do you provide help & support for someone when they ask for it, only to find that it's been completely disregarded, before you stop altogether?
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
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1 comment:
I have experience in this arena, let me tell you.
Emotional support? You can all you want, crazy friends. By now, my friends KNOW what I really think about their relationship problems and if they ask my advice, then I'll tell them what I think. However, if they just want someone to vent to, that's fine! I can sympathize with the best of them and I don't mind doing it for my friends, over and over, even if they are being dumb and know it.
If it gets out of hand (aka, they are just calling me when they have problems and no other reason) then they shouldn't be surprised if I stop answering the phone as much as I used to, but if they do, we can still be friends, ya know. Just not as close as we used to be, maybe, and I'm okay with that.
If it goes beyond emotional (aka, your friend repeatedly is asking you to help move out, babysit, borrow money, etc) then there is a line. You should stop at some point if it starts to affect YOUR life.
Other than that, what's best for me is if I let my friend's problems stay my friend's problems and I don't get too involved. They make the same mistakes over and over again (bad decisions, abusive relationships, putting themselves in unsafe positions) but that's their lot to carry and I'm not going to stress too much about it.
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