I Want You to Hate Me

I often wonder why people return, time after time, to emotionally abusive relationships. They finally put their foot down. They finally set themselves free... and before you know it, they're right back in the same routine with the same person.

This is a recurring theme with someone very near and dear to me. It breaks my heart because I know she's smarter than that. Or, I just want so badly to believe she is. I understand that it's not the easiest decision to stay away - especially when you feel comfortable around this person, and there are children involved. But there's got to be a point during which you break free, realize how hurt you have been, and decide enough is enough.

I have tried to be supportive of her every decision while maintaining my open, honest opinion about the situation. Others have bent over backwards to provide help, transportation and protection when she finally decided it was over for good. I guess it didn't surprise me all that much when I learned that she was falling for the same traps again.

My question for you, readers, is this:
How many times do you provide help & support for someone when they ask for it, only to find that it's been completely disregarded, before you stop altogether?

Not Much of Anything.

I had a mini-meltdown today. Oops. I've been having way more intense contractions, probably every 10-20 minutes (some 5-10 minutes apart). Unfortunately, Tiegan hasn't been on her best behavior. The good thing is: it's Jason's day off and he's home to help keep the sanity. Also, it's a pretty gorgeous day out and the lake breeze is amazingly refreshing. I don't think I'll ever *not* want to live on the lake.

After being up & around, cooking lunch, cleaning and nesting around the house, I was getting pretty antsy and we decided to get in the car to find someplace to walk. We ended up at the Crossing, as usual. We walked... and walked... and walked... and finally my contractions started to regulate to about 5-6 minutes apart.

And then they stopped for almost an hour.

That, combined with us having to pull over and scold Tiegan for attempting to unbuckle Sofia's carseat on the way home, caused my mini-meltdown. Even though Sofia's not even IN her carseat yet, T needs to know the importance of being buckled up. We had a good conversation about it once we got home and we all feel much better. I just hate scolding her for serious offenses, and she doesn't make it any easier (let's just say my nickname for her is Sarah Bernhardt).

Speaking of, Miss DQ (Drama Queen) Herself is pronouncing her hunger. Time to cook!

New Era Dawn

Pet Peeve of the Day: complete strangers approaching me and striking up conversation about my enormous belly. This has happened more times than I can account for in the past couple days. I've been asked if I'm having twins. I've been blessed and wished luck by many. Some women feel the need to tell me all about their pregnancies. Others comment on how tired/miserable I must be. The most common statement: "You look like you're ready to POP!"

Yes, I am, thank you for noticing. Please politely refrain from spewing the Word Vomit that's creeping up in your throat and move along. The wrath of the irritated full-term-pregnant-woman is likely more than you can endure. I'm about sick of being polite to these strangers.


I know it's nothing I can help, but I am starting to feel the need to get labor going NOW. Why? Not because I'm exhausted (although I am). Not because I'm anxious/excited to meet this little goober (although I am). Not because I'm just plain sick of being pregnant (although I am). But because...

Jason starts his new job Monday!

He officially resigned from his current job today, which is why I couldn't announce anything just yet. He'll be starting as a Collector at a credit union in Lansing on Monday, and he can't very well ask for time off right away if/when I have the baby. Luckily he'll have much more family-friendly hours despite the drive there and back every day. However... I just can't imagine going into labor and having this baby without him there. My mom will be there, so I know I won't be alone, but he was so amazing during my labor & delivery with Tiegan. He was right there with me every step of the way, reminding me of what a great job I was doing & that I was his hero. I will just be heartbroken if he has to miss the birth of his 2nd daughter.

This job, though, will be so much better for all of us and we just can't help the timing. Usually everything just sort of falls into place for us at the right moment (usually the last moment), so I'm hoping that's what happens here.

We will also need a 2nd vehicle by the time I'm done with maternity leave, or else I have no idea how the both of us are going to get back & forth to work.

This should be an interesting balancing act.

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

So, can you tell I've been totally obsessed with the color aqua lately? (I blame House of Turquoise.)

I'm trying not to go overboard, so as not to get sick of it. But I've used it in Sofia's room, I've been dressing Tiegan in this color, and I've gravitated towards it when designing graphics. It's just such a beautiful, light, summery, airy color. I love the way it makes me feel.

Tiegan looks so grown-up. I know she's going to seem huge when we bring Sofia home - whenever that may be. Her hair is getting long & her bangs are growing out, she speaks so intelligibly, and she is really starting to act like a young lady. To see her writing and matching up items in 1st and 2nd grade workbooks is just mind-boggling to me. She has been especially lovey and cuddly the past few weeks, and I think maybe she's just ensuring that she doesn't lose her spot in our hearts. If anything, I'm thinking our love and appreciation for her will multiply by Sofia's presence. I have been so overwhelmed with love for my family lately, I'm a little nervous at how I'm going to handle the next wave of emotions that's about to crash into me.

Not only are we so close to turning our trio into a family of 4, there are a few more impending life changes that will uproot our entire schedules. It will be interesting and exciting once we're in the swing of things. But it might be very frustrating getting to that point. Stay tuned for more on that! For now, I'm going to make some coffee, greet the weekend, and try & attract some labor vibes. Send some this way for me?

Cold Bird

What to do with a whole frozen chicken?

That is my concern of the day. (Since I'm trying not to concentrate on the fact that I've had 5-10 minutes between contractions for 3 days now, haven't slept, and my cervix isn't changing.)

The weather has been gorgeous, we've been in the lake every day that we've been home, and I'd like to utilize our new grill while clearing up some space in the freezer. But... regular BBQ Chicken just sounds so old hat. I'd like to do something different & interesting, maybe pick up a tip or two from Bobby Flay. But for some reason, the Husband thinks he's kind of a douche and won't knowingly take any tips from him. I think he's hugely talented. Whatever.

If you have any unique grilled chicken ideas, please throw them my way. A hint: I've been way craving Chinese lemon chicken - maybe there's a way we can come up with some sort of grilled lemon-glazed chicken recipe. OH, yum.

A Mother's love

Last night we went up to Labor & Delivery at the hospital because I had been having contractions every 5 minutes for over an hour. These were much different & more intense than the usual Braxton Hicks I've been having for weeks (even months) now.

We arrived at about midnight, I was monitored for 3 hours, and the nurse checked me 3 times. I was indeed having perfect contractions every 3-5 minutes - some of them leaping off the charts - but there had been no progression with my cervix (2cm dilated, 25% effaced - same as Friday) so I was given the option to either stay or go home and wait it out.

One nurse told me that the intensity of the contractions doesn't mean anything. It's the distance between that they keep an eye on. Another nurse told me it's not the distance between that matters - it's the intensity that they like to focus on. Nobody seemed to want to bother a doctor for me, I felt like I wasn't getting any answers, and I was very uncomfortable in the little triage room so we decided to go home.

Jason & I both got very little sleep and my contractions continued to wake me through the rest of the morning. After some coaxing by Jason & my mom, I finally called my doctor's office and the receptionist there told me to go back to the hospital. I paged the on-call doctor for a 2nd opinion and he also advised the same. Just as I was finally going to cave, my contractions suddenly stopped.

TALK ABOUT FRUSTRATING.

They have since come back, but randomly at best. A little one here, a whopper there. I have an inkling that my body is trying to start active labor but something is holding it back, whatever that may be. Perhaps Sofia's in an awkward position (although they've confirmed she's head down, she could be sideways like Tiegan was, which resulted in her shoulder dystocia). As you can see I'm just a little bit nervous about what's to come. I'm also aggravated that no one seems to feel the need to check further or do an ultrasound, despite my repeatedly voicing these concerns.

I feel that it's time. I feel that my body IS in labor. The very beginning stages of labor. I also feel that Sofia needs a little jump-start - maybe I need a little help with my water breaking. But of course with my doctor being on vacation for another week, no one else seems to want to help. The nurse told me last night that doctors don't like to "be aggressive" with other peoples' patients. But... what if it were necessary? What if all these unproductive (yet very intense) contractions are harming Sofia somehow? I'm reminded of when Tiegan was stuck during labor and my contractions were bruising her whole face & head. Her heart rate dropped immensely with each contraction.

I know it sounds like I'm just in a huge yank to have this baby. Of course I'm excited, anxious, nervous & just want to get it all over with. I also just want to make sure everything is OK. That's my main concern. This hurry-up-and-wait stuff is really bothering me, especially when I have no way of knowing what's going on in there.

This is really hard work for a newborn, too. I just hope she's doing alright in there.

Homeslice

We had a pretty nice Father's Day. Jason had kinda hoped to have a new baby yesterday, but I guess it wasn't in the cards. Early in the morning I had a couple whopper contractions and I do believe at one point I said, "Honey, I hate to tell you this, but I think I'm in labor."

They fizzled out around noon, though, and although I kept having random intense contractions throughout the day (no different than the past few weeks), they were nothing like the few I had early on in the morning. So... we continue the countdown!

Hopefully someday we will have the resources and energy to go all-out for holidays like Father's Day. Yesterday we kept it simple. Excited by the fact that I now have my own income and can spend my own money on gifts without having to cover it up, I had planned on buying him a present and surprising him with it. But I decided to make sure he got exactly what he wanted and let him pick out a few things while we were shopping together a few days ago. He decided on Family Guy Vol. 7 which just came out, and a few video games he's been wanting. Yesterday morning, Tiegan colored a picture for him and we pretty much let him decide what he wanted to do all day. That included a walk around K-Mart (one of our favorite stores, and we were hoping to get my labor going), a visit to my parents' house, dinner at Rudy's, and a swim in the lake. Throw in a ton of hugs, a couple shoulder/scalp massages, and homemade brownies... and I think you could say he was one happy Daddy.

While we were at my parents' house, Mom and Dad set up a kiddie pool for Tiegan to play in since they are taking a hiatus from their usual 3-footer above ground pool this year. Hence the big dead spot in the middle of their lawn where they set up a tarp for the kiddie pool (their lawn is actually gorgeous - don't be fooled!)

The swimsuit she's wearing is waayyy too small. It's hers from last year - the only one we could find at Mom and Dad's. We let her hop in nekkid for a few minutes, but figured she should probably cover up. I did get a few adorable bootie pictures for the photo album, to embarrass her with when she's older. HA!

Also, when we stopped over, my mom surprised me with crib bedding for Sofia... in AQUA!! I have been searching high & low for inexpensive aqua crib bedding, and you wouldn't think it'd be that hard to find, but it is. I just love the light & airy feel of that color. Mom has been sewing like a madwoman lately, and decided to take the liberty of making me the bumper in the most perfect fabric. I am picking it up today; what a great lady she is.

Speaking of my Mom and sewing...

This is a storebought slipcover for the sofa - but check out the striped pillows. My mom made those out of towels. They're super-soft, too. Love 'em! Doesn't it look much better than before? You can see the way the couch used to look, behind me in this photo.

That about wraps it up - I'm going to enjoy my new day off. My schedule was changed so I'm now working Tues 9-3, and Wed-Fri 9-4. Obviously I don't have that long to enjoy it, as Sofia is probably coming any day now, but I will probably come back to that schedule after maternity leave. A great season to enjoy 3-day weekends and soak up all this sunshine!

Unsolicited Advice for New Mothers

As I was making a list of things we still haven't acquired for baby Sofia, I was thinking about all the pointless gizmos and gadgetry we had around when Tiegan was a baby. Of course, being a first-time Mom, I had no idea what I would really need and what wouldn't be so important. So we stocked up on pretty much everything the stores had in the way of baby stuff. And it ended up being a huge waste of money or space in our home.

Some of these things may have been totally helpful to some, which I'm not completely disregarding here. Everyone has different tastes. I'm just pointing out what has worked for us. So, if you are wandering into the adventure of Motherhood for the first time, I hope these little tidbits help.

What's Pointless...

• Expensive/Stylish Burp Rags. Sure, they're sooooo adorable. Even the plain white ones seem pretty handy. Here's my bit of advice: unless they're gifted to you, don't go out and buy a package of rags made especially for that purpose. If your budget is tight, it's a waste of money. A tip: go to the dollar store and get some cute kitchen towels. They're only a dollar... and they're just going to get puked on anyway!
• Diaper Pails/Diaper Genies: We had one with Tiegan and it was more of a hassle than a help. The bag refills are expensive and need to be replaced pretty often. Also, they are a pain to empty and don't even eliminate odor all that much. A tip: save up your plastic shopping bags from the grocery store. Throw each dirty diaper in one of those, tie it up and take it out with the regular trash.
• Having 10 Million Outfits: Oh the cuteness - they are irresistable, I know! But slow your roll in the infant apparel department. Babies grow so fast that if you have too many clothes, you will end up giving away things that never even had a chance to be worn, or at least selling them for a fraction of what you bought them for.
• Grooming Kits: Those all-in-one kits with baby-sized nail clippers, nail files, brushes/combs and whatever else. They seem convenient, but most women already have these things in their home. I always used my own nail scissors on Tiegan, and if you don't have a pair of these, regular fingernail clippers work fine. As far as the baby-sized nail files? They're just nail files... miniaturized. Big whoop. A Tip: Use your own grooming utensils. Other things that come in these packages like nose aspirators and thermometers ARE things that you will want; just buy them individually or in a different kit, such as a safety/health kit.
• Bottle Coolers for Diaper Bags: I've seen these near the bottle accessories such as bottle warmers and sanitizers. They're insulated bags to keep prepared bottles from spoiling in the diaper bag while you're out & about. They have all kinds of compartments and zippers and whatnot. Some of them may even plug in your car and act as mini-refrigerators for all I know. A Tip: grab a regular insulated lunch bag. When you're on the go, a plastic baggie full of ice cubes along with your bottles inside the lunch bag should suffice.

What's Worth It...

• Lotions, Washes & Ointments: Here's where your saved money from the above will come in handy. There are certain things you can get away with skimping on, and certain things where the rule "you get what you pay for" really does apply. And it applies here big-time. The best skin care is really essential for baby - your skin is the biggest organ in (on) your body and it's the only one you've got. In my opinion, taking good care of your skin is important - for everyone!
  
• Receiving Blankets: We've always had an abundance of these, and they come in handy for much more than just swaddling your baby. You can roll them up and place them in an upside-down "U" shape in baby's carseat to support their head. You can use them to shield your baby from the sun, or to cover up while breastfeeding (although I didn't breastfeed Tiegan, I heard this is a good trick). See what other uses you can find for them - I'm sure you'll discover tons.
• Pack-n-Play: Soooo worth it. They are a pain to put up & dismantle at first, but once you get the hang of it you can probably do it with your eyes closed. Tiegan slept in one at her grandparents' house. And when she started roaming around, it was perfect to set her in with a few toys when I couldn't keep both eyes on her at all times. She never napped in her bedroom - we always just kept a pack-n-play in the living room for her naps. We also took it outside on nice days. In my opinion: one of the best baby-gear investments. I imagine it will be even more helpful the 2nd time around for us, as I can put Sofia in it and Tiegan can't reach in from the outside to bother her if I'm busy.

There are my two cents for the time being. Hope I could help! Moms: if you have anything to add, please do!!

Thirty-Eight

Yesterday was my 38-week appointment, and was also the day during my 1st pregnancy on which I was induced to have Tiegan. We are getting so very close.

The appointment went well -
I'm 138 lbs. which means I've gained 38 lbs.... fitting for my 38th week, hmm?
2cm dilated
25% effaced
Measuring right on track

The doctor had to check me very quickly & then run off to deliver a baby, so the nurse finished up my appointment. I have to say - it's the nicest she's ever been to me. Mom came with me and she answered all our questions and even took the time to chat. I actually felt welcome (for once). She made sure I live close enough to the hospital to get there in time if I go into labor at home. She seems to think it could be that quick!

I was hoping to talk to Doc about inducing, since I knew he was going to be on vacation this coming week, but no dice. As soon as he was done delivering that baby, he was officially on vacation until the 30th. So I'm just going to have to wait and see if I go into labor on my own. If I do before the 30th (I hope I hope I hope), another doctor will obviously have to deliver. I'm not all that worried about it - I just hope it's not the doctor that delivered Tiegan. I didn't very much care for his bedside manner.

Other miscellany for today...

It's going to be sweltering hot and gorgeous out all week. Perfect swimming weather. Unfortunately, I can't get in & out of the water (no ladder on the dock - the simple task of jumping & pulling myself up is something I can't perform these days). But I promise to take photos of our Little Fish in the water next time she gets in.

We need a new fridge. The seals aren't meeting up and it's pouring out cold air. Condensation is dripping from it. This is costing us tons of money on our electric bill.

I need to sort & put away laundry. Yup. MORE laundry.

Pork Chop

It's been a while since I've updated about Tiegan's growth & development. She is such a loving, caring soul. I could probably brag on her all day, but I'll try to make this short & sweet (just like her).

- The alphabet and counting from 1-10 are old hat. She is now onto spelling words and even recognizing what some of them say. She can count to 30, and backwards from 10 to 1. She can also write all the letters of the alphabet, and can write words if told how to spell them.

- It's no surprise to us that she LOVES the water. Last summer we swam in my parents' above-ground pool almost every day. This year, grandma Judy has a similar pool and of course we live on the lake. She could play in the water all day, every day if she could. She's like me, though... still prefers the shallow area where her feet can touch the bottom. ;)

- She is developing the attitude of a teenager. Sometimes, the way she talks back to me, I could swear she was 13. The other day, I was changing her clothes. She saw what I had laid out for her, stomped her foot and said "But I don't WANT jammies on yet!" I calmly informed her that those were daytime clothes, not jammies. Her retort, eye-roll and all (and I swear I saw a little bit of chicken head): "Don't you KNOW what jammies look like?"

- The sophisticated phrases that come out of this girl's mouth astound me. Some examples:
Me (opening the car window): "Is that OK, or is it too windy?" Tiegan: "It's enjoyable."
Me: "The car is making a funny noise." Tiegan: "We'll have to ask Daddy what's causing that noise."
Tiegan (wanting to get down from a stool): "Please let me down immediately!"

- Bossy Bossy Bossy. This girl thinks she is Queen of the Universe and can tell anybody/everybody what to do. The things she says aren't too bad - she's just trying to be helpful, but it's the way she says them that bothers me. I've just been trying to get her to rephrase. Any suggestions for how to do this are welcome! For instance, she'll demand that someone put their seatbelt on. I'd rather she kindly remind them.

- Her favorite color changes every day. She prefers not to play with makeup because she likes herself the way she is. She hates pop. She likes to brush her teeth. She loves to sing, dance, play kickball, and do puzzles. She is sweet and affectionate - so much that we have already had to explain what "love" is, and that we don't just go around telling everyone we love them. (like the cashier at the dollar store - HA)

- She already loves her baby sister. She will tell you that her name is Sofia Quinn and that she's coming any day now. She'll also tell you all the things she's going to teach Sof and how excited she is to be a big sister. My belly gets more hugs and kisses these days than I do. And I think that's just fine.

Plastic, Plants, Furniture, Belly.

I love new water toys. I especially love the smell of new plastic. But I hear that's toxic, so no sniffing for me. Those toxic smells (like gasoline) have been especially attractive to me since I've been pregnant. Does that mean something? A little weird, I think.

The front of our house has been especially green lately and I'm loving it. The long/tall grasses are growing in beautifully, so I decided to get some flowers to brighten it up a little bit.

I bought a hibiscus plant that isn't doing very well. It probably needs specific care that I'm not aware of. Guess it's wiki time for me. I also got some beautiful hanging plant. I liked it because it was kind of oriental but also tropical looking. The name has the word parasol in it. That's all I know. (I am soooo not a plant person).

Jason's grandma got us a crib. We weren't planning on getting a new one after we realized there are crucial parts missing from T's old one. The extra pack-n-play should suffice once she grows out of the bassinet, we thought. But, out of the blue the other day, Judy called to ask if she could buy us a "real" crib. I hate feeling like a charity case, so I told her she really didn't have to, but she was welcome to if she felt strongly about it. Guess she felt strongly about it.

It's the Jenny Lind. Funny because I have actually been admiring these at the store. I have been more into vintage, cottage-like furniture lately.

The crib absolutely dwarfs the whole room. I think this house was made for short people.

This chick seriously needs some decor & style in her room. As you can see I was trying to go green/aqua, but haven't quite finished the look yet. I love this crib bedding from Dwell Studio, but it's soooo expensive. I'll be fabric-hunting at JoAnn this week to try and emulate that style.

And now, my belly.

Thinking Positive

I hope with all my might that work keeps me busy & focused today.

My horoscope says: "If you are married and are trying to add branches to the family tree, this could be a night to remember."

For real. It's all I can think about. Well, that, and... wanting sooo badly just to go back to bed. I haven't felt this tired in quite a while. Which is strange, because I was lucky to get a long enough stretch of solid sleep last night to have a dream.

I dreamed that I was in the hospital, even though I hadn't actually gone into labor. So Jason & I decided to jump-start the process by using one of the most popular methods of natural labor induction... (bow chicka). The next thing I knew, my baby was being handed to me. I don't know if I was supposed to have blacked out for the entire labor process or if my memory was wiped of it. I really don't know. I had no problems getting up & around afterward. I felt fine. My biggest complaint was that it was hard to hold/feed Sofia and go to the bathroom with the stupid IV in my arm. I just wanted to break out of there and enjoy the sunshine with my new family.

Yeah, it was an odd dream. But I think maybe it's the first I've had during this entire pregnancy about Sofia actually being born. I've had some labor dreams, and dreams about being in the hospital or having surgery, but nothing quite like this. A sign?

OK, I'm just full of wishful thinking today. Watch out for my tweets!
http://www.twitter.com/ariaphoto

Also, a big congratulations to Heather Armstrong @ Dooce on the birth of her daughter, Marlo. I was very surprised to hear she birthed a 7 lb. 15 oz. baby from that tiny belly of hers! Very curious to see how big Sofia will be.

Walk the Line

Yesterday we got Tiegan in the lake to swim for the first time this year. And I totally did not take any pictures of my little fish in the water. Mom fail.

I should have been on top of it, too, because I was simply sitting on the dock w/ my feet in the water and Jason was the one playing with her. (Of course if I get in, I can't get back out... haha).

I have to admit, though, it was nice to just enjoy the moment and watch my daughter have the time of her life without worrying about getting my camera wet, whether the exposure is right, etc... at least I did take a few shots earlier. From these, I will remember what a great day it ended up being. Too bad I can't shoot in RAW lately - my PC can't handle converting them to edit. Sad.

I kind of feel like a jerk for complaining about that kid using our dock, because I went to run some errands and when I got back, Jason said he and T went outside to play and they were very nice about moving out of the way. STILL - I think they should have asked permission in the first place. They knew someone was home, all they had to do was knock on the door.

At night, I start to realize just how much pain I'm in and how I've simply just gotten used to it. I realize it at night because I'm constantly having to roll my whale butt out of bed to go pee. I'm very sore all over, and any kind of movement that requires me to get up or sit back down sends a sharp shooting pain right down through... well, you know. I'm really not complaining, though. I can't be pregnant forever, right? I know this is something I have to endure for just a little longer and then it will all be so worth it. Even still... I'm wishfully thinking I'll go into labor very soon.

For now, it's back to work and walk-walk-walk to get this baby going!

No Trespassing

They're baaa-ack.

The annoying people that come over to use our dock, that is.

It used to just be that one kid. And maybe a friend of his, once in a while. Now, the whole damn family comes over. He sometimes brings a chair; his mom, a cup of coffee.

Our landlords, who are also our neighbors, were outside talking to them last night (they conveniently arrived just as the sun was starting to come out; right when I was about to sit on my porch and write in my journal). So we kind of gathered that they're on a friendly basis. Damn.

I guess we're just going to have to ask that they only use our yard/dock when we're not at home. I really, honestly DON'T CARE if they come over during the week. I'm too busy to care. But on a gorgeous Sunday afternoon, when we're all finally home together and can utilize the perfect lake access that we have, I really don't want to start heading outside to see strangers in my yard.

I'm a nice person. But I'm also a private person. Sure, I can be friendly. I don't mind chatting it up once in a while. For the most part, though, I'm a homebody and prefer my space to be exactly that. MY space. Like I've mentioned before, we pay good money for this little spot of heaven on the lake and I feel like it's kind of a waste if we can't even use it.

I was this close to heading out to my lounge chair a few minutes ago when I realized they were back. I suppose I could just go ahead and go out there anyway and ignore them. Then, maybe they'd get the message. But I really don't want to waddle my 37-week-pregnant ass out there and do that really awkward almost-splits motion that I have to do in order to plop down INTO said lounge chair.

Enough bitching. Beautiful day. Guess Jason has decided to visit his grandma who also lives on the lake. So, off we go!

P.S. Send me labor vibes - I want my baby now. :)

Empathetic Sap

It's quite a lazy day here at our house. It's cloudy and chilly, and there is clutter everywhere. I'm simply ignoring it until tomorrow when the sun comes out & gives me another burst of energy. Our poor neighbors are throwing a graduation party for their daughter today and I feel bad for them because it will be a much better day for it tomorrow when it's sunny & 80 degrees. Especially for their visitors who don't get a chance to party on the lake all the time. Wow, that empathy nerve is really kickin' lately. Like I should care? Oh, but I do.

How do you like my 37 week photo? Mammoth.

Those lounge shorts/capris I'm wearing? $3 at Target in the pajama section.

I got my hair trimmed at JCPenney yesterday because I couldn't stand it anymore, just wanted to get rid of the fried ends, and didn't want to pay an arm & a leg. It's not angled up in the back like I asked for, but oh well. It always feels nice to get rid of dead weight. I'm still growing it out.

This morning, after our showers, I was getting dressed in my bedroom and Tiegan was chillin' on our bed. She snuggled up on Daddy's side of the bed and I could hear her talking/pretending quietly to herself:
"Tiegan, you've GOT to quit getting up. Your Mommy & I need to rest. Now go back to bed!"
HAHA. She was pretending to be her Daddy. That is something that happens often. Since she's been potty trained, she still gets up a couple times in the night to pee. Even though she can go #1 on her own without help, she comes in our room first to wake us up & ask for an escort. I guess I would rather she did that, than have her slip in the dark and hurt herself.

(We don't have a step stool for the toilet, and although she's good at climbing up onto it on her own, I'm always afraid she's gonna be half asleep one day and crack her head open on the vanity or something. Worry wart.)

Sometimes I think these mid-night trips to the bathroom are just an excuse to get up. Sometimes it's upwards of 5 times in one night. I wonder how we're going to keep our sanity with a 3-year-old who wakes us up at night just as often as the newborn?

Another random thought for the afternoon before I leave this completely pointless blog post behind: I am so glad I enjoy my job. I had a long chat with my sister yesterday, which I haven't gotten a chance to do in a long time. I found myself gushing about every aspect of my life - how wonderful Jason is to us, how great my job is, and how much I love Tiegan & can't wait to have another child now that I know how much I will love her, too. Family life is great, but I was specifically thankful at that moment to have a great job. More often than not, Jason comes home from his long hours pissed off and stressed out. I really hope that someday he can find something in his professional field that he can actually enjoy. Now that I know how fulfilling it is to be at a job where I feel useful and trusted, I hope everyone that deserves it can find the same thing. There's that damn empathy again. And with that, I'm off.

Please Share...

I know quite a few of you readers are mommies... or at one point have known a mother that has given birth during your acquaintance. For this post, I beg your participation.

When I gave birth to Tiegan, I had no idea what to expect. Aside from watching A Baby Story religiously for weeks leading up to my due date, and reading my pregnancy books which were all very technical and not very personally involved... I went into the actual labor/delivery/recovery experience blind as a bat.

I kind of figured it would suck. That was pretty much it.

I'll spare you the gory details of my recovery process, but I'll just tell you that life was pretty tough for me for a while. During labor, Tiegan's shoulder was stuck on my pubic bone. It was getting down to the wire and, per my mom's recollection (I was too delirious to remember much of anything at this point), Doc pretty much didn't care what he had to do to me in order to get the baby out.

I couldn't walk for the better part of a week, and I needed help showering for 2 weeks afterward. I remember being in a substantial amount of pain for several weeks, and I think I have a pretty high threshold for that sort of thing. Even 2 years later, a long walk would bring back a bit of that soreness. I became convinced that it was just something all mothers had to live with... forever.

Now, I'm not so convinced.

After my mother regales me with the story of Tiegan's birth & my recovery, and after listening to a few fellow mother's stories, I'm beginning to think my condition was not so normal. I have my 37-week appointment tomorrow, and I'd like to bring this up with my OB (he's a different one than the guy that delivered Tiegan). But first, I'm really interested to know what YOUR post-partum recovery process was like.

You are welcome to share right here in the comments section. If you're not so comfortable sharing that information for everyone to see... please feel free to email me your stories: ariaphoto@live.com.

Weary Wednesday

Because I am SO. SICK. of talking about the fact that yes, I am STILL pregnant, and don't have much of anything cohesive to write an extended blog about... I decided to make a list of random thoughts.

• I hate how I always come up with the perfect thing to say after the conversation is over.

• It's not the smell of freshly cut grass that I love, but rather the gasoline/oil mix that mowers take. Also, it's that same smell I love about boats going by.

• I keep thinking I want a new phone, like one of these, but then I talk myself out of it because I'm not some high-powered business woman that requires such gadgetry. But it would still be fun to pretend.

• I love original Sun Chips and wish they were easier to find in small bags.

• I find myself becoming more interested in my community. I wanted to volunteer to represent my employer at the upcoming Art & Wine festival, but how fun would it be to surround myself with free wine at 9 months pregnant?

• I hope I'm able to pick photography back up after Sofia is born. I hope I will regain a passionate interest in it like I once had. It's somewhat faded (probably due to increasing popularity & anyone thinking they can hold an SLR and be professional) and that makes me sad.

• I woke up this morning and had a bowl of crushed ice. For breakfast.

• I hate that most of these statements begin with "I". Normally, I don't like talking about myself.

• My husband writes some pretty great poetry/songs/stuff. I really like the one he jotted down this morning.

• And now I have to leave to pick him up from work.
  

Lack of Creative Title

I had the weirdest dream this morning, once I finally fell asleep sometime after 5am.

I needed some kind of medicine. Something that was easy to acquire and ingest. However, this medicine needed a catalyst - some sort of shot that had to be pounded into my chest Pulp-Fiction style.

I was so terrified of receiving this shot, because I knew it was painful & the effects would be very strange. I tried talking my way out of getting this shot, but people were going after me with it like I was breaking the law or something.

I don't know how the dream panned out - I probably woke up to pee for the 2,347,862,345,987th time before it was over with.

Neverending Home Improvement

Now that this side of the living room is straightened up (save for a few random cups/glasses/towels and the last of the Oreos... haha)...

It's time to work on the other half.

Behind that blue chair (next to the DVD rack... where you can see the green broom handle sticking out) is Tiegan's stash of toys to be moved to the cubby we got the other day. I still don't know where we're going to place that retro orange chair. And my goodness - I have a ton of laundry to put away.

As for the "clean" side of the living room... it looks so sparse. I didn't realize how empty it looks until I saw the picture. We definitely need some framed family photos & artwork. The whole wall above the couch is bare, too.

Oh, did you notice my ugly couch? HA... actually, I love the shape of this couch - but my parents got it for us at a yard sale type deal and it's old and scratchy. We are still looking for a slipcover, but they are expensive & I think I would like to just drape a stylish quilt over it. Any ideas?

Future Dreams

People are telling me left & right that I should get myself as prepared as possible for Baby #2. Apparently it looks like I could pop any minute now. I FEEL like I could pop any minute now.

Everyone needs a good night's sleep (or at least a nap!) first.

I'm starting to feel different, that's for sure. Since yesterday, I've had bouts of very uncomfortable contractions 5 minutes apart, but they don't last. There's lots of pressure. I just feel... different. Doctor didn't seem like he'd be surprised if I went into labor before next Friday.

I wish I had been working longer and have had time to save up my paychecks to help us through my time off. I don't plan on being off for very long - maybe 3 weeks, 4 if I have a rough recovery. I'm thinking I may even feel up to going back 1-2 days a week after 2 weeks. I guess I'll have to have that discussion with my boss rather than the blogosphere.

We got Tiegan a booster seat for the car today. She just BARELY meets the weight requirements. It makes me nervous because it doesn't strap in, and she wears the regular lap/shoulder seat belt instead of a 5-point harness. I just feel like she's growing up so fast.

Before I know it I'm going to be in my 30's and I'll have teenagers. Holy cow. I caught myself daydreaming about that earlier today. On the way to the grocery store we drove by a graduation party that was going on in someone's yard, and I mentioned to Jason that it would be a smart idea to do for Tiegan & Sofia what my parents did for me when I graduated. I was given the option of either having a graduation party, or choosing a car within a certain budget. Whichever one I chose would be my parents' graduation gift to me. Of course I chose the car. I couldn't believe I was thinking that far ahead about my own children, though.

OK, slow down... let's get Tiegan into preschool first. ;)

Done and Done... almost.

Thanks to my Mom's help, I got quite a bit accomplished around the house today.

This will be the new toy area for Tiegan. Everything has been sitting in the corner of the living room in baskets, milk crates, and random Rubbermaid containers. Yuck. We might eventually get some more canvas crates to go in the cubes, but these were $5.99 each and I thought 3 was enough for now. I kinda like how the green, natural & purple colors go with the Monet above - totally didn't plan that.


Oh, and my hospital bag is packed and on high alert, right next to the bed. (OK, it's actually ON the bed, but I kinda have to sleep there, so it's moving down next to the bed tonight). Cute, sturdy canvas bag for $9 at Target. Will probably transform into a diaper bag after Sofia's born.


Also got a towel rack for the bathroom, on clearance for $5 at Kmart. I love that freakin' place.


The other day, we got the changing table all stocked up & ready to go. I mentioned how I used pillowcases to cover the shelves because my fabric project didn't pan out. Well, it looks super jankty and I bought some cute teal and beige striped self-stick drawer liner (by Martha Stewart) that happened to be JUST the right width. That goes on tomorrow... wish me luck. (Oh, and I folded up one of Tiegan's old crib quilts as padding for the changing area. For the life of me, I can't find her old changing table pad anywhere. Ah well... you make do with what you've got.)


I'm so excited to meet my little chickpea and dress her in all these adorable onesies and nightgowns (uh, hello, cupcakes! How cute). And the smallest diapers I have ever seen. I swear, they are smaller than the newborn size diapers I remember putting on Tiegan. Perhaps because she was so large we never put her in newborn size diapers... maybe we started her off in 1's? I really don't remember.


Oh, and all moms should totally check out the new inexpensive brand of baby stuff at Target: "Up&Up." I actually don't know if it's just baby stuff, or if they make products all over the store. Either way, definitely worth a look. We got a huge box of baby wipe refill packages for seriously cheap, and they're the nice soft kind. I don't know you, but I'm picky about my wipes. I don't like the thick ones. They don't tend to cooperate with the pop-up containers. **End psycho rant about baby wipes.

That's enough housey baby stuff for 1 post. Until next time, loves...

Let's Play a Game

Hello, MegaBitch... what have you done with Ashley?

I am more irritable than ever. The thing is, I realize it, and I hate myself for it. I feel guilty for being so damn emotional, but I can't help it. The end is nigh and I'm feeling the effects. I have been pretty normal up until now.

Every time I snap at someone, I immediately follow up with, "I'm so sorry. I can't help it."

My entire body was extremely sensitive last night (ticklish/itchy/I don't know), and in bed while Jason was trying to cuddle with me, I kept jerking away.
"Please don't touch me. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

I almost cried at work this afternoon when I found out my mom, who had promised she'd go with me, had forgotten about my doctor's appointment because she was busy running errands for/with my sister. I held it together until I left the building & called Jason, who is excellent at calming me down. I felt like I could just lose it and would completely embarrass myself at work. He is wonderful, and of course made me smile as always.

I made it through my doctor's appointment like a champ on my own, though. It was just my regular 36-week checkup, but I wanted to address the issue of maybe having an ultrasound to see if the baby might be big enough to merit a C-section (since Tiegan was large and subsequently got stuck during delivery). Everything looks OK @ this point. My concerns were recognized and I left feeling like I was at least listened to... a little bit.

So, I will roam about the world still pregnant until at least next week, unless I go into labor naturally before then (which is highly likely with as much running around as I do). Guess we play the waiting game.

Little Birdy

My body is getting ready for labor, I can tell.

I'm craving nothing but fresh fruits/vegetables, water & ice. Is my body trying to cleanse itself?

Nesting is also something that's popped up since yesterday in a huge way. I finally used our new vacuum on the whole house. I was elated. I mean really, who's excited to vacuum? I can't believe the junk it picked up that our old one has been missing. Also, our old vacuum didn't have a hose attachment so I had a field day getting in corners & edges. Next is the car.

I was never able to cover Sofia's changing table shelves in fabric like I'd hoped. The fabric I bought didn't stick, probably because I hadn't washed it before I tried to adhere it. So I removed it, then washed it, had plans to iron it and re-adhere it, but it frayed/tangled like crazy. Oh well. I used pillowcases and blankets to cover the shelves and it looks remarkably cute, albeit jankty.

Here's what else I did last night: (I love lists!)

• Folded & put away the majority of Sofia's clothes, ooh-ing and aah-ing at all the adorable tinyness.
• Cleaned & organized Tiegan's room - it was in dire need.
• Cleared off a junk area of the kitchen counter where random things with no home have been accumulating, and turned it into a baby bottle station.

This doesn't sound like much... but believe me, for how I've been feeling lately, it was all I could do to accomplish these things without pushing my body into labor. I was huffing and puffing around the house, all the while Jason forcing his help upon me and telling me to rest or else he would chain me to the couch.

I'm so glad I got all that accomplished. I'm starting to feel ready.

(Fruit & ice water photo credit: weepeng and ~bear)

The Good & Bad of Wednesday

List time!

I'm extremely irritated that...

• Tomorrow's big paycheck that I was sooo looking forward to now has to be spent on a radiator and whatever else Jason & his dad diagnose is wrong with the car.
• The huge box of baby clothes sitting in my kitchen that was supposed to make its way up to Sofia's room is still sitting in the exact same spot.
• Tiegan keeps asking me "whyyyy-uh" with an attitude when I tell her "no," like she's freakin' 15.
• The sunshine is MIA.
• Messes just seem to keep creeping back up behind me, even though I'm not making them.
  
• I'm being graced with the presence of a headache which hasn't happened in months.

However, I'm very happy for...

• The job that I love so much, and the fact that big gnarly projects (to anyone else) are actually fun for me.
• The paychecks I get for doing what I love, which enable us to make emergency purchases like new radiators and whatnot.
• A daughter that loves to help me clean.
• Family that is more than happy to watch our children (for free!) so I can get much-needed rest and/or time to myself.
• A place to live - a pretty cool one, at that - despite the endless trail of clutter that seems to follow me around.
  

Make Your Guesses

LeeAnn asked if I had a baby pool up yet so people could enter their guesses about Sofia's birth stats. I hadn't even thought of that yet... so thanks for reminding me, LeeAnn!

OMG! Wait... nope.

It was in the cards, I guess... today I did make a trip up to Labor & Delivery.

After being at work for roughly 3 hours and my contractions not letting up, I finally decided to bite the bullet and go in to be checked. My co-workers and boss are really quite understanding, and thankfully it was a REALLY slow day. I was fairly certain I'd just get sent home from the hospital, but at least it would be with some sort of idea as to where I'm at and what's going on.

So here's the skinny:

• I was having real contractions, and they were pretty regular, but they weren't intense enough to dilate me any more than 1cm.
• I was given IV fluids (just in case I was dehydrated; no other reason) and 1 shot of Terbutaline - to relax the contractions & make my life less miserable.
• There were supposed to be 3 rounds of Terbutaline, but I politely refused the last 2 because the 1st one made me extremely shaky (a few hours later and still having tremors). Oh yeah and I'm a baby with needles.
• Contractions lessened, although still mildly present. Sent home on activity as normal and have a follow-up appt with my doc Friday.

There you have it. I really doubt I'm going to make it all the way to my due date of July 3. Any predictions out there?

Oh yeah and this guy was hanging out on our dock when we got home. Looks kind of like a grumpy old man. I didn't get close enough to find out... I hear the cranes around here are pretty darn grumpy.

Clothes & Cramps

This was our bedroom yesterday morning. That is all CLEAN laundry! Count 'em... 6 baskets full. When we finally got the washer and dryer installed & fully functional last weekend, I went crazy and did all the laundry in the house. And that's not all of it. There were also piles that I was working on folding in the living room, and I think at the time I took this picture, I also had loads going in both the washer & dryer. Yep. We have a lot of clothes.

I think it's time to sort through and start donating things to Goodwill.

We are finally almost through putting everything in its proper place, thanks to my sweet sweet husband and his enormous amount of volunteerism this past weekend. I've been pretty helpless lately.

Very sore this morning from all the cramps/braxton-hicks/whatever-you-want-to-call-them over the weekend. I would have them every 10 minutes (or less - sometimes even 5 minutes apart) if I was up & moving around, but they slowed to every 1/2 hour when I was recumbent. Last night they were waking me up every half hour. That's the 2nd night in a row they've been uncomfortable enough to wake me. Despite advice to make a visit up to Labor&Delivery to get checked out, I've decided to just lay low and see what happens.

I know they'll check me out, tell me I'm fine, and send me home anyway.

Now, as I'm preparing for work on this dreary Monday morning, I'm thinking I might just warn my co-workers upon my arrival that I might be needing to leave early today. The rule with braxton-hicks is that you're supposed to get checked if you have more than 4 in an hour.

So. Guess we'll just see what happens!