New

Things have been going better for me over the past few weeks.

At first, obviously the divorce devastated and shocked me. In a very short amount of time I found my own house to rent, opened my own individual bank account, and started living independently. It's done me a world of good and I'm so glad I got out quickly. If we were still living together and taking our sweet time with the divorce, I would be miserable. He is already spending the night in Detroit a lot, which is something I had to really just force myself to stop analyzing in my head.

Going through with the legality of everything is going to be painful, I'm sure. It will be a constant reminder of the rejection. But after it's all said and done, I have hope that there will be a wonderful life waiting for me. I've already started living it. I'm surprised to say that I feel very much at home in my new house. I was worried that wouldn't happen for me.

One thing that saddens me the most is not having my children every day. Especially having JUST had a baby - she is only 6 months old. I feel like I am really going to miss out on a lot of their lives. Right now, our schedule is weird. Hopefully we can clean it up over time, but it works for the time being. So far I have them Thursday-Sunday, and then just Sofia Monday afternoon (Tiegan stays with Judy Mondays as she takes her to dance class in the evenings). The rest of the week Jason picks them up from his grandma after work.

I am trying to put a positive spin on it for myself. At least I have time to unwind after work and can keep a clean house without having to constantly pick up after kids. I gotta admit, though, life is pretty lonely without my best girls around on the weekdays. I'm just glad that most of my time with them consists of full days from start to finish. That way their schedules won't be so entirely messed up. We had our little routine and they were doing so well. Luckily Tiegan LOVES my (our) new house and Sofia has been sleeping, eating and playing as well as ever when she's with me.

Tiegan seems to be doing okay overall. I don't think she understands the whole Divorce thing just yet, and that's okay. She doesn't really seem to be confused by the fact that Mommy and Daddy live in different houses now. I asked her if she knew what getting a divorce meant, and she said, "Yeah, it's when you go live in a new house with Mommy!"

I guess that will work for now. I don't want to hide things from her, but I also don't want her to know that this was all Daddy's idea. I don't want her to resent him. Any advice about the future and further explaining things would be greatly appreciated.

One thing that will be a little tough to figure out is her birthday. She will be 4 next month and I'm thinking we'll just have to have 2 separate parties. I won't be able to afford much, if anything, so I hope mine is enjoyable for her.

It's kind of a pain to add them here, so you can see some phone-pics of the new digs here:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/minisandme/