Highs and Lows

I cannot tell you how much I love this baby. I wish I could. It seems such a tragedy that there just aren't the words to explain how intensely I love my girls, and my husband for that matter. We have grown into this perfect little family and things somehow keep getting better by the day.

I live for this. 4 years ago I never thought I'd be here, but here I am. And I don't want to imagine how I'd be living if I had made different choices. I don't think I'd ever have known true happiness. Looks like I made all the right decisions to get where I am today.

Deep sadness struck me for a moment this afternoon as I was taking photos of Sofia lying on her side, and she rolled onto her stomach - at 6 days old. She is so enjoyable right now. So small, soft, cuddly, and sweet. When she rolled, I came to the delayed realization that she won't be this tiny forever. Someday I will have to chase her all around the house and will have to scold for not getting along with her sister. It hit me like a brick and I think I was more sad than anything that I don't have a video camera - or at least a point&shoot digital camera that can take video clips. I will want to remember these fleeting days. This is my last child and although I never want to go through pregnancy & labor ever again (not to mention I feel our family is complete at 4), it's a bit of a letdown knowing I'll never have a baby this tiny again. The time passes so quickly, and I am actually in a state of mind where I can enjoy this newborn phase, unlike when Tiegan was born. I see flashes of myself waving goodbye to the girls as they go off to college.

Hello, hormones!