Bittersweet Beginning

Today is a bittersweet day for me.

It is the day I kiss pregnancy goodbye. Jason and I have already decided we only want 2 children, so knowing that this is my last pregnancy - ever - is odd. I will admit it's a big relief, as I haven't exactly loved being pregnant. I did have my moments during each pregnancy, though, where I felt like I was glowing and was proud to show off my bump.

There is a certain point, though, where I started to dread the thought of going out in public. Hi, perfect stranger, I can see you staring. Yes, my belly is huge. No, I am not having twins. No, I will not stand here and make awkward conversation with you about the intimate details of my current physical situation. Thanks, though.

It is an absolutely gorgeous day. The water is calm, the sun is shining, there is a fresh, gentle breeze floating into my house through the sliding doors, and the blue sky is ever-so-lightly speckled with clouds. I can hear kids laughing and playing across the lake. Birds are chirping. Pontoon boats leisurely float by every few minutes, and there's the occasional jetski.

I've said it before - living here in the summer is like being on vacation. It's absolutely gorgeous. Unfortunately, I am so pregnant that I have a hard time moving my body - forget about hoisting myself in and out of the lounge chair on my lawn! Today is a day of reflection and respite, so I will just have to enjoy the gorgeous outdoors from my living room. It's still a pretty spectacular view.

Last night, I wrote a letter to Tiegan. It's the kind of letter that's written in the present tense, but really for her to read when she's older and understands. I told her that although she is getting a sister, my love for her will not be cut in half to make room. It can only multiply. I told her that even though I will love the both of them equally, Tiegan will always be the one that made me a Mother. I have really enjoyed these past 3 and a half years with her as our only child, and it has been surprisingly hard for me to say goodbye to that time. It's almost a mourning process. I'm lucky that we have such a bright future to look forward to, and that is helping me to march onward.

Yesterday Tiegan seemed to have hurt her arm. She was saying the inside of her elbow hurt and favored that arm most of the day. However, she was still able to reach out for candy, and still wanted to go swimming. A few hours later, after some special attention, she was fine. I know her poor little heart is feeling a touch of jealousy. I don't blame her.

T is at her grandmother's today, tonight, and tomorrow until the baby is born. I miss her terribly. I want to hold her tight and tell her that she will always be special to me. I want to spoil her and show her that I still, and always will, love her unconditionally. It will feel like everything is All About Baby for a while, but hopefully we can get into a trend where it will be easier to pay equal attention to both girls.

Time to get a few measly things done around the house, and then I'll be relaxing. Watch my tweets tomorrow, as I will probably be having J update for me.