Let it Be

There is a part of me that is extremely anxious to start this new phase of our lives. I envision Jason, Tiegan, Sofia and myself as a perfect little foursome taking on the world. I see myself getting back into shape so that I have the energy to tackle anything that comes at me.

I cannot tell you how ready I am to be able to walk like a normal person again - let alone run, jump, play and wrestle with my girls; and snuggle up to my husband.

I just want to get on with it for several reasons -

• we have almost everything we need.
• work is incredibly slow right now and it would be convenient to take my leave before it picks up in july.
• I don't see how this belly of mine could get any bigger! Tiegan was born 1 week early and even at that point, she showed signs of being an overdue baby.
• I'm starting to get really moody and irritable, and I feel bad for poor Jason even though I'm trying so hard not to take it out on him.
• We can't wait to meet this little bombshell and see what she looks like, what her personality will be compared to her sister, etc.
• Since my sister just had her baby and I got to hold little Charlie for the first time the other day, I am sooo ready to cuddle a newborn.
  

And one of the biggest reasons... I'm extremely anxious to see where my emotions will take me as a mother this time.

With Tiegan, I wasn't ready for the whole experience. Not to say that I resented her or any of it, but I had pretty severe post-partum depression. I was a complete wreck and that ruined the joy of having a newborn. Taking care of a baby was more a daunting task for me than a warm instinct. Those first few months were very rough, and I feel like I couldn't experience it to the fullest.

Last night I laid in bed with Jason, looking over at the half-empty room beside me. I found myself picturing Sofia in her bassinet next to our bed, and I was actually looking forward to some midnight cuddles with this tiny little lady.

Then there's that other part of me that is begging for just another couple weeks to prepare. Mentally and physically. The house, and my mind & body.

But really - how ready can you ever be for a baby?