I cannot tell you how much I love this baby. I wish I could. It seems such a tragedy that there just aren't the words to explain how intensely I love my girls, and my husband for that matter. We have grown into this perfect little family and things somehow keep getting better by the day.
I live for this. 4 years ago I never thought I'd be here, but here I am. And I don't want to imagine how I'd be living if I had made different choices. I don't think I'd ever have known true happiness. Looks like I made all the right decisions to get where I am today.
Deep sadness struck me for a moment this afternoon as I was taking photos of Sofia lying on her side, and she rolled onto her stomach - at 6 days old. She is so enjoyable right now. So small, soft, cuddly, and sweet. When she rolled, I came to the delayed realization that she won't be this tiny forever. Someday I will have to chase her all around the house and will have to scold for not getting along with her sister. It hit me like a brick and I think I was more sad than anything that I don't have a video camera - or at least a point&shoot digital camera that can take video clips. I will want to remember these fleeting days. This is my last child and although I never want to go through pregnancy & labor ever again (not to mention I feel our family is complete at 4), it's a bit of a letdown knowing I'll never have a baby this tiny again. The time passes so quickly, and I am actually in a state of mind where I can enjoy this newborn phase, unlike when Tiegan was born. I see flashes of myself waving goodbye to the girls as they go off to college.
Hello, hormones!
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Finally... Momentum
Yesterday was my first day as Supermom, a.k.a. my first day at home, alone, with both girls all day.
I am happy to report it was much easier than anticipated. Tiegan is old enough that she requires minimal help with everyday tasks. Thankfully that left enough time for me to still be able to play and spend quality time with her while Sofia slept. I did feel like I had to remind her endlessly to hush or be careful around Sofia's swing & bassinet, but that's probably just newborn paranoia.
And while Sofia was awake, Tiegan was my little assistant. I didn't even ask; she is just helpful by nature. I am trying to make sure she doesn't feel obligated to help me take care of her sis, but it's nice that she's interested. At one point, I had T on the couch to get ready for a nap and was changing Sofie's diaper. Just as I was finishing, I heard a very disappointed little voice from behind me, "but Mommyyyy, I wanted to throw Sofie's diaper away!" (sad about being stuck on the couch). Hey, kid... whatever floats your boat.
Breastfeeding is going much, much better. I was very close to giving up, because it just seemed like more work than it needed to be. But with some persistence, and the help of my mom and sister, it's like 2nd nature to us both now. It takes a little more planning, and more of my time, but it's worth it.
Not much else to report. I'm actually getting much better sleep now than when I was pregnant. Everything is falling into place. Happy.
I am happy to report it was much easier than anticipated. Tiegan is old enough that she requires minimal help with everyday tasks. Thankfully that left enough time for me to still be able to play and spend quality time with her while Sofia slept. I did feel like I had to remind her endlessly to hush or be careful around Sofia's swing & bassinet, but that's probably just newborn paranoia.
And while Sofia was awake, Tiegan was my little assistant. I didn't even ask; she is just helpful by nature. I am trying to make sure she doesn't feel obligated to help me take care of her sis, but it's nice that she's interested. At one point, I had T on the couch to get ready for a nap and was changing Sofie's diaper. Just as I was finishing, I heard a very disappointed little voice from behind me, "but Mommyyyy, I wanted to throw Sofie's diaper away!" (sad about being stuck on the couch). Hey, kid... whatever floats your boat.
Breastfeeding is going much, much better. I was very close to giving up, because it just seemed like more work than it needed to be. But with some persistence, and the help of my mom and sister, it's like 2nd nature to us both now. It takes a little more planning, and more of my time, but it's worth it.
Not much else to report. I'm actually getting much better sleep now than when I was pregnant. Everything is falling into place. Happy.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
A love so strong
Things are starting to fall into place around here. Sofia is fitting in swimmingly. Of course there are some things that are completely out of whack - like, for instance: my center of gravity, everyone's sleep patterns, and my boobs.I bottle-fed Tiegan right from the get go. I just had no interest in breastfeeding and wanted my body all to myself as soon as she was born. This time, I was feeling a little less uncomfortable with the idea and thought I'd give it a try. It's not going very well. I'm exhausted from trying, and poor Sofia is getting frustrated. It's only been 3 days, though, and I'm not giving up hope just yet. Thankfully my sister is a breastfeeding advocate, and is very well educated on the subject, so she's been a huge help.
I have a feeling that our daughters will be, for Jason & me, just like my sister & I were for our parents. That is to say - Tiegan and Jason resemble my sister & father, and Sofia and I resemble me with my mother. Um... does that make sense?
Tiegan and Jason are so much alike. She is really a Daddy's Girl when it comes down to it. They get along so well, and she usually goes to him first when she needs something, but they are also both extremely stubborn and can butt heads like crazy. Just like my sister & my dad. Sofia is my little snuggler. She & I bonded straight away. So far, I'm the only one that can calm her just by holding her close. My intuition says she will be a Mommy's girl, just like I am with my mom. I was always closer with my mom, and now that I'm an adult, we're practically best friends.
Can I just mention what a great husband & father Jason is? We have agreed to take turns tending to Sofia at night - last night was his night and he was wonderful. She was up every 10 minutes, refusing to sleep unless she was held. His patience was definitely tested, but he was still chipper and sweet as ever this morning. My post-delivery nurse in the hospital even commented on how great he was. She said she went home after her first shift with us, and told her husband about what a nice change of pace it was to see a father who was so involved. Poor guy is definitely outnumbered, but I can tell - his girls are his world.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Welcome, Sofia
As most of you already know from my tweets and Facebook, Sofia Quinn has finally arrived! I was induced at 7am on Friday, July 10, (at 41 weeks pregnant) and she came almost 13 hours later at 7:50pm. At birth, she weighed 7 lbs 8 oz. and was 18" long. Her size came as a huge surprise to us, being overdue and the ultrasound having predicted a whole pound heavier!
This labor was much different than when I had Tiegan, who was born just 7 short hours after I was induced. More on that another day, when I have time to write out a birth story.
Today was our first day home - we were discharged at noon. Tiegan is very interested in Sofia, and often asks to hold & help feed her. She's also content to play on her own while SQ is sleeping. So far it's been a good balance, but I'm sure we'll encounter obstacles. I'm confident we'll find our rhythm.
These past few days have been amazing for me. My recovery isn't nearly as painful as last time, although still pretty uncomfortable. Being able to simply walk has been such a blessing. I have been overcome by so many positive emotions these past 2 days, I'm just hoping it continues. We had amazing staff taking care of us the entire time (thank goodness).
Last night, SQ was resting her head on my shoulder when suddenly she looked up and rubbed her mouth & nose on my cheek. It sounds like such an insignificant thing, but it was so powerful to me. Like she knew I needed a little snuggling too. Maybe it's the hormones. I really feel like we have bonded incredibly.
Today was our first day home - we were discharged at noon. Tiegan is very interested in Sofia, and often asks to hold & help feed her. She's also content to play on her own while SQ is sleeping. So far it's been a good balance, but I'm sure we'll encounter obstacles. I'm confident we'll find our rhythm.
These past few days have been amazing for me. My recovery isn't nearly as painful as last time, although still pretty uncomfortable. Being able to simply walk has been such a blessing. I have been overcome by so many positive emotions these past 2 days, I'm just hoping it continues. We had amazing staff taking care of us the entire time (thank goodness).
Last night, SQ was resting her head on my shoulder when suddenly she looked up and rubbed her mouth & nose on my cheek. It sounds like such an insignificant thing, but it was so powerful to me. Like she knew I needed a little snuggling too. Maybe it's the hormones. I really feel like we have bonded incredibly.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Bittersweet Beginning
Today is a bittersweet day for me.
It is the day I kiss pregnancy goodbye. Jason and I have already decided we only want 2 children, so knowing that this is my last pregnancy - ever - is odd. I will admit it's a big relief, as I haven't exactly loved being pregnant. I did have my moments during each pregnancy, though, where I felt like I was glowing and was proud to show off my bump.
There is a certain point, though, where I started to dread the thought of going out in public. Hi, perfect stranger, I can see you staring. Yes, my belly is huge. No, I am not having twins. No, I will not stand here and make awkward conversation with you about the intimate details of my current physical situation. Thanks, though.
It is an absolutely gorgeous day. The water is calm, the sun is shining, there is a fresh, gentle breeze floating into my house through the sliding doors, and the blue sky is ever-so-lightly speckled with clouds. I can hear kids laughing and playing across the lake. Birds are chirping. Pontoon boats leisurely float by every few minutes, and there's the occasional jetski.
I've said it before - living here in the summer is like being on vacation. It's absolutely gorgeous. Unfortunately, I am so pregnant that I have a hard time moving my body - forget about hoisting myself in and out of the lounge chair on my lawn! Today is a day of reflection and respite, so I will just have to enjoy the gorgeous outdoors from my living room. It's still a pretty spectacular view.
Last night, I wrote a letter to Tiegan. It's the kind of letter that's written in the present tense, but really for her to read when she's older and understands. I told her that although she is getting a sister, my love for her will not be cut in half to make room. It can only multiply. I told her that even though I will love the both of them equally, Tiegan will always be the one that made me a Mother. I have really enjoyed these past 3 and a half years with her as our only child, and it has been surprisingly hard for me to say goodbye to that time. It's almost a mourning process. I'm lucky that we have such a bright future to look forward to, and that is helping me to march onward.
Yesterday Tiegan seemed to have hurt her arm. She was saying the inside of her elbow hurt and favored that arm most of the day. However, she was still able to reach out for candy, and still wanted to go swimming. A few hours later, after some special attention, she was fine. I know her poor little heart is feeling a touch of jealousy. I don't blame her.
T is at her grandmother's today, tonight, and tomorrow until the baby is born. I miss her terribly. I want to hold her tight and tell her that she will always be special to me. I want to spoil her and show her that I still, and always will, love her unconditionally. It will feel like everything is All About Baby for a while, but hopefully we can get into a trend where it will be easier to pay equal attention to both girls.
Time to get a few measly things done around the house, and then I'll be relaxing. Watch my tweets tomorrow, as I will probably be having J update for me.
It is the day I kiss pregnancy goodbye. Jason and I have already decided we only want 2 children, so knowing that this is my last pregnancy - ever - is odd. I will admit it's a big relief, as I haven't exactly loved being pregnant. I did have my moments during each pregnancy, though, where I felt like I was glowing and was proud to show off my bump.
There is a certain point, though, where I started to dread the thought of going out in public. Hi, perfect stranger, I can see you staring. Yes, my belly is huge. No, I am not having twins. No, I will not stand here and make awkward conversation with you about the intimate details of my current physical situation. Thanks, though.
It is an absolutely gorgeous day. The water is calm, the sun is shining, there is a fresh, gentle breeze floating into my house through the sliding doors, and the blue sky is ever-so-lightly speckled with clouds. I can hear kids laughing and playing across the lake. Birds are chirping. Pontoon boats leisurely float by every few minutes, and there's the occasional jetski.
I've said it before - living here in the summer is like being on vacation. It's absolutely gorgeous. Unfortunately, I am so pregnant that I have a hard time moving my body - forget about hoisting myself in and out of the lounge chair on my lawn! Today is a day of reflection and respite, so I will just have to enjoy the gorgeous outdoors from my living room. It's still a pretty spectacular view.
Last night, I wrote a letter to Tiegan. It's the kind of letter that's written in the present tense, but really for her to read when she's older and understands. I told her that although she is getting a sister, my love for her will not be cut in half to make room. It can only multiply. I told her that even though I will love the both of them equally, Tiegan will always be the one that made me a Mother. I have really enjoyed these past 3 and a half years with her as our only child, and it has been surprisingly hard for me to say goodbye to that time. It's almost a mourning process. I'm lucky that we have such a bright future to look forward to, and that is helping me to march onward.
Yesterday Tiegan seemed to have hurt her arm. She was saying the inside of her elbow hurt and favored that arm most of the day. However, she was still able to reach out for candy, and still wanted to go swimming. A few hours later, after some special attention, she was fine. I know her poor little heart is feeling a touch of jealousy. I don't blame her.
T is at her grandmother's today, tonight, and tomorrow until the baby is born. I miss her terribly. I want to hold her tight and tell her that she will always be special to me. I want to spoil her and show her that I still, and always will, love her unconditionally. It will feel like everything is All About Baby for a while, but hopefully we can get into a trend where it will be easier to pay equal attention to both girls.
Time to get a few measly things done around the house, and then I'll be relaxing. Watch my tweets tomorrow, as I will probably be having J update for me.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Case of the Blahs
After going through and rearranging/organizing the bedrooms this morning, I have decided that the entire 2nd level of our house is too brown. And seriously needs style.
Our furniture is a mishmash of hand-me-downs, which I actually love the eclecticism of, but a lot of items need restoration. I wouldn't even mind painting a dresser or two in bright, eye-catching colors (like this kind of yellow). Just to be fun & quirky. My style is hard to explain. I really like offbeat things, and a mix of several genres. Like this, or this.
This is our bedroom... which, even after some hefty rearranging & organizing, still just looks like we threw some furniture in the corner of a room and called it good:
And this is Sofia's room, which also has the same feel...
Our furniture is a mishmash of hand-me-downs, which I actually love the eclecticism of, but a lot of items need restoration. I wouldn't even mind painting a dresser or two in bright, eye-catching colors (like this kind of yellow). Just to be fun & quirky. My style is hard to explain. I really like offbeat things, and a mix of several genres. Like this, or this.
This is our bedroom... which, even after some hefty rearranging & organizing, still just looks like we threw some furniture in the corner of a room and called it good:
And this is Sofia's room, which also has the same feel...
I'm thinking we should ask the landlords if we can paint some walls. I'm really feeling uninspired!
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
We Have a Date!
Finally, we have a conclusion to this madness!I had my ultrasound & doctor's appointment today. Ultrasound tech estimated baby's weight to be about 8.5 lbs currently. YIKES. If I haven't already mentioned it, Tiegan was 7 lbs, 10 oz. at 38 weeks when she was born. I realize the u/s is just an estimate - I'm thinking it was on the generous side and she's not really that big. (A mother can hope, right?)
What you're seeing in the image is a little hard to make out, I know (unless you're LeeAnn!). It's the best snapshot I could get - the image of her face was pretty distorted because the placenta was right in front of it. You can see her fingers, as it says - in a fist shape. Oh, and it's definitely a girl. We got a clear shot of that!
So. Despite the contractions, my doctor says it wouldn't do any good to induce right away since I'm only dilated to 1cm. He wanted to wait until this weekend, when he will be on call, and maybe my contractions will have made a little bit of headway by then (I doubt it, since they haven't for 2 weeks!).
Either way, I'm scheduled to be induced Friday, July 10. Seven whole days past my due date. I can't believe I've made it this far, but I don't doubt I will continue to make it to Friday.
Finally, I can relax a little bit. I know what day it's going to happen, and I can prepare a little bit. I now have that kick of motivation I needed to whip some things into shape around the house.
Tiegan was at her grandma's when Jason called to let them know what the plan was. He told Tiegan over the phone that Sofia was coming Friday. She said, "She IS?? GRAM!!!! My sister's coming FRIDAY!!!!" I can't wait to see the look on her face when she meets her little sis for the first time.
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