New

Things have been going better for me over the past few weeks.

At first, obviously the divorce devastated and shocked me. In a very short amount of time I found my own house to rent, opened my own individual bank account, and started living independently. It's done me a world of good and I'm so glad I got out quickly. If we were still living together and taking our sweet time with the divorce, I would be miserable. He is already spending the night in Detroit a lot, which is something I had to really just force myself to stop analyzing in my head.

Going through with the legality of everything is going to be painful, I'm sure. It will be a constant reminder of the rejection. But after it's all said and done, I have hope that there will be a wonderful life waiting for me. I've already started living it. I'm surprised to say that I feel very much at home in my new house. I was worried that wouldn't happen for me.

One thing that saddens me the most is not having my children every day. Especially having JUST had a baby - she is only 6 months old. I feel like I am really going to miss out on a lot of their lives. Right now, our schedule is weird. Hopefully we can clean it up over time, but it works for the time being. So far I have them Thursday-Sunday, and then just Sofia Monday afternoon (Tiegan stays with Judy Mondays as she takes her to dance class in the evenings). The rest of the week Jason picks them up from his grandma after work.

I am trying to put a positive spin on it for myself. At least I have time to unwind after work and can keep a clean house without having to constantly pick up after kids. I gotta admit, though, life is pretty lonely without my best girls around on the weekdays. I'm just glad that most of my time with them consists of full days from start to finish. That way their schedules won't be so entirely messed up. We had our little routine and they were doing so well. Luckily Tiegan LOVES my (our) new house and Sofia has been sleeping, eating and playing as well as ever when she's with me.

Tiegan seems to be doing okay overall. I don't think she understands the whole Divorce thing just yet, and that's okay. She doesn't really seem to be confused by the fact that Mommy and Daddy live in different houses now. I asked her if she knew what getting a divorce meant, and she said, "Yeah, it's when you go live in a new house with Mommy!"

I guess that will work for now. I don't want to hide things from her, but I also don't want her to know that this was all Daddy's idea. I don't want her to resent him. Any advice about the future and further explaining things would be greatly appreciated.

One thing that will be a little tough to figure out is her birthday. She will be 4 next month and I'm thinking we'll just have to have 2 separate parties. I won't be able to afford much, if anything, so I hope mine is enjoyable for her.

It's kind of a pain to add them here, so you can see some phone-pics of the new digs here:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/minisandme/

Unwanted Change

2009 started off as the best year I'd ever had... and ended as the worst.

I am hoping that 2010 brings change, insight, acceptance and forgiveness. I cannot expect that of a mere number; time, something Man created. (MEN! Hmph.) I have to make it happen. Will it to happen. Whichever.

Here I sit, in my new kitchen, at my new table, looking out my new windows (through my new curtains), pondering the new life ahead of me.

I miss my girls. I am most upset, at the moment, that they have been taken away from me for half the week. I will not fight this, as I still think Jason is a great father and for the girls' best interest, they need him in their lives. I still get more overall time with them, and more full days than he does. But when I sit here, alone, in this empty house... my heart aches. A little bit because I've been dumped by someone I cherished with the entire depth of my soul... but more because I miss those 2 little angels that are my daughters. I miss their hugs, their voices, their giggles, their banter. Their snuggles, their warmth, and the fullness they bring to a home.

I feel like a big piece of me will always be missing, but hopefully in time having my girls, family and friends around will help fill that gap.

And just like that...

Before you read this post, I urge you to go back and read the previous one first.

Ready?
Okay.


It's been two weeks since Jason asked for a divorce. It hit me like a ton of bricks, but just the way he said it... I knew he was sure. I am still confused as hell about WHY exactly he wants one. He used the whole, "it's not you, it's me" routine. He said he saw us hating each other in five years. But he gave no explanation as to why he feels this way. I've lost a lot of respect for him because he was so vague in his reasoning and none of those reasons should merit something as serious and consequential as a DIVORCE, especially with 2 children involved -- one as little as 5 months old. I feel he was extremely hasty in his decision and will regret it seriously down the road. But the damage has been done; the words have been uttered.

I'm deeply hurt and fear I always will be. I thought we were great together and only getting better. After my last post, we had a talk and silly me - I actually thought we were working things out and making our marriage stronger. If only he had told me he was feeling differently a LONG time ago...

I truly believed if he would have been honest about his feelings and willing to talk to me, we would have been a wonderful couple for life. He fooled a lot of people. Not only was I completely blown away by his sudden announcement, so was everyone else we knew. He certainly put forth a lot of effort on this charade, for a long time.

I will always love him as my daughters' father, and I will always want him back in a small way. But I'll know it's not the REAL him I want back - just the guy he fooled me into loving. I feel so used and misled. My emotions are pretty hot & cold these days; I have had my share of ups and downs in this short time.

In only 2 weeks, and over Christmas I might add, I've gotten my own house, completely moved, and became a single mother of two. If he changes his mind, it will be too late. My heart is broken for the first time. He was the love of my life, but I wasn't his.

Cycle.

I'm not gonna lie, I have been feeling pretty down lately.

That's my excuse for not blogging.

Jason has been super involved in this indie film project (in Detroit), and adding that to him already having a full-time job out of town, we rarely see each other. I feel like I've supported him tremendously, but he feels like I haven't. I'm not really sure where we strayed from being on the same page.

Sure, he is gone a lot. And yeah, it's really tough on me to be home playing housewife and mommy all by myself. My only issue is that he doesn't seem to understand the load that has been put on me. He says he is doing this because he wants to go far with an acting career and be able to support the family with this career one day. That's great. I just want him to realize what I am sacrificing to make it possible, and maybe show a little appreciation.

I offered to do a free photoshoot for the cast of the film. I needed a challenge and to add to my portfolio, so it seemed like a perfect fit. I was still happy to do it, but I didn't expect it to end up costing as much money as it did when things are already pretty tight. Not to mention all the gas he has to pay for traveling back and forth to Detroit, and this is a pro-bono gig for him. I just hope it pays off in the long run. Our only issue is not money - in fact that is the least of our worries. It just adds to the stress. Just an example of how the whole family is sacrificing for this project; he's not the only one doing all the work.

I can't emphasize enough the fact that I SUPPORT him. I want this so badly for him. All I want in return is a little respect for working as hard as I do around here to keep the loose ends tied up. Taking care of the children, cooking, cleaning, helping his project with graphic design & photos, on top of having a "day job," it's tough for me. I don't want a round of applause at the end of the day but a simple "hey, you're pretty awesome" once in a while would do the trick.

I happen to think I'm a great catch, but he's been showing me that he feels otherwise lately. I just love him so much, I want him to see ME and who I truly am, rather than seeing this mask his subconscious has created for me. I am not the whiny, selfish wife he thinks I am and I don't know what else I have to do to prove it.

Love You Forever

Sofia (5 months old on December 10) has become much more exploratory. She has started reaching out for things and very gently, tenderly investigating with her hands.



She is in love with the sunshine on her exersaucer.

This morning, I stood her up on the couch (which is extremely ugly without the slipcover). She just stood there, leaning against the back cushion, rubbing and staring and picking at the texture.



I'm starting to remember how fun this age is. The world is so new and exciting to babies, and everything is so fascinating to them. When Sofia was still an 8 lb. newborn and starting to outgrow her first outfits, I was almost devastated at the fact that she would never be that small again. But now I'm over it, remembering how fun the first milestones are. The whole first year is just amazing, and I'm excited to be living in it one last time.

Little Girl Blue

Can't take this kid anywhere.



This is one serious reflux baby. I can't believe that, at 4 months, she weighs 13 pounds. I'm surprised she's gained any weight since birth, with the amount she spits up. If I had to estimate, I would say that over time she spits up at least 1/3 of each bottle she drinks. It just keeps coming out, periodically, throughout the entire day.

We finally broke down and put her on Zantac a week ago. Tiegan was a reflux baby (although, if memory serves, not this bad) and was on Zantac as well. For Tiegan, it worked within a few days. We have yet to see a result with Sofia.

I wash her blankets every day. I do at least 2 batches of laundry a day, full of baby clothes, bibs, burp rags, my OWN clothes that have all been spit up on... and other than routine cleaning, I do an extra sinkful of teethers and binkies every day. I must say this is one mom that is no longer phased by baby puke.

I am hoping the Zantac starts working soon. She really doesn't seem to be pained by it, but that doesn't mean anything. It's still damaging her esophagus, and once she gets teeth, it will damage them too. If the Zantac ends up not working, I'm sure it's not reflux that's the problem - it's her hypertonicity. Her muscles are always on overdrive. She always wants to stand straight up. We have to actually force her to bend at the hips to sit down in her swing, bumbo seat, etc.
Poor kid.

But... ain't she purdy? :)

Gettin' my Hurr did.

Every year about this time, I spring for darker hair. I just think it's more appropriate for fall & winter. Don't know why, but it's always worked out for me.

Last year it was short & shaggy.


This year it's grown out quite a bit. I feel like it's been growing so slowly, but now that I see how much more hair I have in just 1 year... I guess it wasn't that slow after all.


Has anyone ever tried the Tousle me Softly products? Do they work?

5 Minutes

So, I think we're going to find a new pediatrician.

Our girls' doctor is always so rushed. We had a checkup appointment for both of them the other day. It was for Sofia's 4-month well check, and to re-check Tiegan's right ear (which had a negative pressure reading last time, and he thought she might need tubes).

He asked if I had any questions/concerns about the girls after giving them the once-over, and of course I had a couple things I wanted to bring up. Nothing severe... just normal questions any mother would bring up at a well-check. Sofia's spitting up, for example. I wanted to get her on Zantac. No big deal, right? I was also curious about her being hypertonic (stiff muscles, arching back, "standing" when trying to put her down to sit). These are all fairly normal questions that aren't urgent or pressing enough to merit another separate appointment.

At first, he was calmly discussing these things with me, and then he interrupted, saying that he only had a 10-minute time slot for my girls (as if we just walked in at the last second and didn't schedule our appointment WEEKS in advance?) and said we had to hurry. With every word, I felt like he was pushing me forward and edging out the door.

At our last appointment before this, where we waited THREE HOURS, I remember him coming in and apologizing that it took so long. He said he wanted to make sure every patient got the answers and attention they need, and the last patient took more time than usual. So, that last patient was more important than my girls? Hmm?

When he talks, I feel like I need to breathe for him because he is so rushed. I do think he could be a good doctor, but he probably just has more patients than he can handle, which makes him less able to pay proper attention to everyone. I understand there is a timeline to go by, and I don't expect to take all day with him. I'm not greedy. I just expect proper care for my daughters. Ya know, maybe more than 10 minutes for BOTH my girls to squeeze in (that would be 5 minutes per patient).

Do you know of any doctors that expect you to come in for a 5 minute appointment? Really?

Knock 'em Down

Last night was rough.

Jason reminded me after the girls went to sleep that I had said I was going to do my Shred workout. A few days ago I was going to re-start Level 2 after taking a few days' break to let my strained foot heal. It was still painful that day, so I took a couple more days' break.

Day before yesterday, I did some walk-out pushups and some ab strength moves, but that was it. Today I planned to go full-on back into the Shred.

And I did. Full on. By the time I was 3/4 through, I was taking 5 second breaks which I don't usually do. I HAD to. I was pushing myself as hard as I could, and believe me, I was not just being a wimp. I was 2 seconds away from puking. Before I took my break, Level 2 was practically a breeze for me! I couldn't believe this was happening. Jason was in the next room, occasionally looking in on me and asking me if I was okay. HAHA. Talk about embarrassing.

Usually when I'm done, I will sit outside for a few minutes and drink some water while I cool off. This time, I went straight upstairs and laid face-down on the bathroom floor.

Have you ever been drunk to the point where you were saying you would NEVER drink again? This is exactly how I felt. I was dizzy, felt like my head wasn't on straight, and was extremely nauseated. I'm not really sure how long it took for that feeling to go away, because after a few minutes when I managed to peel myself off the bathroom floor, I took my shoes off and plopped right into bed. ZONK.

Hopefully today will be better. The good news is, I've lost a total of 8 lbs since the beginning, and am down to 112!

Climbing Out of a Rut

Yesterday I met up with a friend to do some portraits for fun. I have been in a photography rut and felt the need to bust out.

There is an area of Jackson that I hadn't yet explored, and now I really like it for photos. It's a little scary though, and I thought we were going to get busted for trespassing when a cop drove by and we heard him stop and start to back up again. But all was well, and he was just stopping to make sure we were safe because it was a pretty sketchy area of town. Next time I might want to go with a bodyguard, because I'm pretty sure we witnessed a drug deal go down. Ahh the adventures of a photographer!

Here are some of my favorite shots of Julie from our session.



Now it's time to revel in my Monday off. I'll probably get all crazy and put clean laundry away. I know, my life is a never-ending adventure!

3 Day Weekends and Scrooge Himself

I am happy to say my work schedule is changing.

Not that I didn't like it before, but I will like it even better now. I was on an 8am-1pm schedule every weekday, but now I will have Mondays off and longer hours the rest of the 4 weekdays to make up for it.

When I was working until 1pm, I always felt like I was leaving things undone and I wasn't ready to go yet. We are usually much busier in the afternoon, and I prefer being occupied. There are few things I dislike more than sitting at my desk, twiddling my thumbs and counting the minutes as they pass.

Now, I will probably feel more satisfied with my work when I leave. And also a plus: 3 day weekends! I think I will probably feel more closure to my weekend and will be more ready to face the work week this way. Win-win.

Also, Tiegan will still be going to her grandma's on Mondays. She has dance class on Monday evenings, and Judy keeps her and takes her, since she's the one that splurged on it and has all of T's leotards and dance shoes at her house. So we don't want to mess up that schedule, and I want Judy to be able to keep all that stuff at her house. I think Tiegan really enjoys that special thing they have together, anyway. I don't want to take it away from her. They usually go out to eat after dance, which I don't think I could swing every week anyway. We can have our own special little things, just mother & daughter. And I will have to work harder at that, now that Sofia and I have Mondays to ourselves every week.

In other news...

I haven't really gotten into the Christmas spirit yet. I've barely even gotten myself geared up for Thanksgiving. You would think I'd be the opposite, since I've been designing Christmas-themed ads for the newspaper for the past month now.

Don't mean to sound like I'm placing blame, but I think a little bit of it has to do with Jason's attitude toward the holiday season. He HATES going shopping (for anything... even a quick in-and-out stop for one or two grocery items). He says it's because of all the stupid people that come out of the woodwork this time of year and take up precious aisle space at the store. Oh, and not to mention the people that bump into other people they know and crowd the middle of the aisle with their carts while they stand there and chat about the last 5 years of their lives... in everyone's way.

I completely agree with him - I can't stand that. But there's nothing we can do to change it. We can only change the way we react to it. I have been trying to help him with this... but when he gets in a bad mood, all you can really do is just step out of his path and not let it bother you. After 4 years of marriage, I've become pretty skilled at this. :)

Over His Head

I'm pretty sure my attitude yesterday was the result of a deadly combination of stress and hormones. S'all good now.

That said, I wanted to write about something else that has been bothering me: Short jokes.

Not about me, but about my husband.

He must either not be bothered by them, or can hide it really well. People make short jokes about him all the time and he laughs along. I know he realizes you have to be able to laugh at yourself in life, but it worries me that someday it will really get to him.

Maybe it's because I've known him for so long, but he doesn't seem THAT short to me. He's my height - 5'1". It's not like he's "little people" status. He doesn't get a handicapped parking sticker. The worst it gets for him is that it's hard to find pants that aren't too long, and navigating his way through a tall crowd can be a little tough. The same problems I have.

I can understand a little teasing. It's only natural. For someone just meeting him for the first time, it can be a little surprising. But for people to incessantly hound, research new short jokes, and push push push... I really hope he doesn't break one day. He doesn't deserve all the flack he gets about it - especially for it being something he can't help.

I suppose it's because I love him so much that it pisses me off when people make the jokes. Only thing is - I can't say anything, because then they'd just make fun of the fact that his wifey stands up for him. Ha!

Hormones and Garbage.

Do any of you ever feel like you are always behind on housework? There is always something that could use improvement? There is never enough time to keep up with it on a daily basis?

This is my typical day.

6am- get up, get ready for work. Get the girls ready to go.
7:15am- Jason takes the girls to grandma's, heads to work.
7:30am- I leave for work.
Sometime between 1pm-2pm - I get out of work.
2pm- get home from work, do my 20-minute workout.
2:30pm- pick up the girls, chat at grandma's house for a little while.
3:30pm- get home, feed Sofia, fix Tiegan a snack.
4:30pm- play with Tiegan, help with her reading & workbooks.
5:30pm- start getting dinner ready.
6:30pm- Jason gets home. Feed Sofia. Serve dinner.
7pm- clean up after dinner, watch a little TV with the family & relax.
8pm- get Tiegan ready for bed. deal with tantrums.
9pm- Feed Sofia again. get her ready for bed.
9:30pm- go to bed myself. because I'm lame.

Let's not forget that intermittently throughout the day, I am doing Mommy stuff like changing diapers, changing clothes that have been spit up on, having Tummy Time with Sofia, heping Tiegan in the bathroom, cleaning up spills, refilling juice cups, etc...

There are also days when Tiegan stays at grandma's and it's just me & Sofia til Jason gets home. Those days I can relax a little bit, and even have time for housework. But the time I have is never enough, and I would always rather be snuggling Sofia or having ME time. And I think that's allowed.

It's gotten to the point, though, where there are ALWAYS things left out. This is acceptable to a certain degree. But on any given day you can come to my house and see...
Pop cans. Pop bottles. Random packaging lying around from things that were purchased and opened. Receipts. Baby clothes. Chairs full of laundry (clean or dirty) and nowhere to sit. Shoes on the living room floor. Toys. Blankets. Clean dishes on the kitchen island waiting to be put away and dirty ones next to the sink. Random clutter on the kitchen counters that belongs in a "junk drawer". Dust. Papers. Mail. Pens. Books. AAAGGGHHH.

I don't think I have been exceptionally lazy lately, so I have been asking myself WHY this is happening. I have short work days. I was working 3 weeks after I had Sofia and kept a cleaner house then, than I do now. WHY IS THAT?!

Then I figured it out. Wanna know how?

I was on my bed this afternoon playing with Sofia. I leaned over Jason's side of the bed and saw the most appalling thing on the floor. Old, crusty, rotten, expired baby bottles. Not one, not two, NOT THREE... but FOUR used baby bottles. Still with remnants of old formula in them. Let the record show that Jason's side of the bed is near the wall and I rarely ever see over there, or I would have caught this much sooner.

How did I not smell this? How did HE not get up EVERY MORNING for the past... oh, I don't know... 2 weeks? and walk right past those dirty bottles and think "Hey, maybe I should pick those up on my way downstairs and drop them off in the sink."

I wouldn't even mind dirty baby bottles sitting in the sink as if to say, "Hey, wife, you need to wash these." At least that shows a little effort. But no. Maybe he thought they would just disappear one day. Is that what husbands think happens? All the dust and clutter and dirty dishes in the house just magically disappear once every couple weeks?

As you can probably tell, I'm a little ticked. Not about the baby bottles, but the attitude that was taken toward them. And about the dirty laundry sitting not in the laundry basket but on the floor about 1 foot away from the hamper. And about the overflowing garbage. And this and that - little things around the house.

For a while, Jason was really wonderful at helping me out around the house. His tasks have always been minimal to begin with, and I'm okay with that. But that makes it extra noticeable when those minimal tasks start going undone. When we got back together last year, we vowed to be more helpful with each other. And because I'm a "put yourself in the other's shoes" kind of person, I have been racking my brain trying to figure out where I could be more helpful to him so that this can be more of a 2-sided issue of improvement. But I just can't think of anything.

I've been supportive of all his creative endeavors, whether successful or not (this recent one being successful). I say "it's okay" and take care of things that he has forgotten about. I am understanding when he over-spends on going out to lunch at work and I have to skimp on gas in my car because of it. I just can't think of anything I've been doing wrong to help offset the blame.

I must say that we are a very different couple than most. We are understanding of each other's faults and typical husband-wife quarrels seem silly and pointless to us. In fact, I couldn't care less if he just stopped taking out the garbage forever. I live here too, I make garbage too, and I'm happy to take it out myself. I guess what I'm most upset about is that we had an agreement to help each other keep our sanity. When all you have to do is pick up your trash behind yourself so that you don't leave a trail, the simple act of neglecting to do your chores leaps over the fence from laziness and lands square in the boundary of disrespect. When that happens, I feel like I'm turning into a slave.

Or maybe I'm just PMS-ing.

Back in Time

Got this survey from Nicole... some questions & answers about my time in high school :)

1. Did you date someone from your school? Yeah, I had quite a few boyfriends in high school. They were mostly from my school, except for Jason when we dated for a while at first - he was a college boy ;)

2. What kind of car did you drive? None, until after I graduated.

3. What was the most embarrassing moment of HS? When this guy I dated (turned out to be a huge waste of my time) spread some awful rumors about me.

4. Were you a party animal? Not really. In fact I can't remember going to one party.

5. Were you considered a flirt? A little bit.

6. Were you in band, orchestra, or choir? Do I have to answer this? Ok fine... all three.

7. Were you a nerd? Despite my above answer, no. There were tons of "cool kids" in these organizations.

8. Were you on any varsity teams? Nope.

9. Did you get suspended/expelled? Nope. I was threatened with a suspension but never got one.

10. Can you still sing the fight song? Ehhhh... parts.

11. Who were your favorite teachers? My humanities teacher and my band teacher.

12. Where did you sit during lunch? Usually went out for lunch, sometimes sat on the front lawn of the school, or at a cafeteria table with my best friends.

13. School mascot? Viking

14. Did you go to homecoming, and with who? I went to homecoming 2 different years, each with my boyfriend at the time - 1st one, Tommy - 2nd one, Evan.

15. If you could go back and do it again, would you? Nope.

16. What do you remember most about graduation? It took FOREVER. I was near the end of our 300-something class, and it was inside rather than on the football field because of weather, so it was hot, loud and crowded.

17. Where did you go senior skip day? I didn't skip. the black history tour group was singing at an assembly that day, so our authority figures guilted us into feeling like we were being racist if we skipped that day.

18. Were you in any clubs? I was on the yearbook staff, does that count? Oh god, I have nerd written all over me.

19. Have you gained some weight since then? I've had 2 kids - you take a guess.

20. Who was your prom date? I didn't go to prom. Todd and I got dressed up and went to dinner at Olive Garden that night. Looking back, I think it was more him talking me out of going to prom, rather than us agreeing not to go.

21. Are you planning on going to your 10 year reunion? I'm not really sure. Probably not. I keep in touch with the people that matter to me, and there's Facebook... so I don't really see the point.

22. Looking back, what advice would you give yourself? 2 things: I would have told myself to be less shy/nervous... and I would have made myself take the ACT/SAT and apply to colleges.

Shred Me

Several ladies I know have started this now-famous 30 Day Shred. Now we've banded together to blog about our experience with the Shred, and keep track of our measurements and weight loss. I hope to see some good before-and-after shots! Maybe this will help keep us on track, knowing we're all in it together. Some of us are at different stages in the shred, but it's still fun to hear how easy/difficult it is for other people - for comparison's sake. I don't feel like so much of a wuss now, knowing that it's just as hard for others!

Making it Happen

The Search is on.

I had this idea to build our own bed frame/headboard/footboard a long time ago, and never got around to completing the project. I love kitschy, eclectic, mismatching cottagey furniture. And this seemed to fit the bill.

It first came to mind when I saw a picture in a magazine of a big heavy wood-plank dining table with 6 completely different mis-matching dining chairs. They were all a little beat up and it just worked. It wasn't UGLY beat-up, or DIRTY beat-up... everything just looked well-loved. Lived in. Happy. Even in the photo, that room felt like home. It felt comfortable. I would hate to have a home where people would be afraid to touch anything when they visit.

I don't remember exactly how I decided I'd translate this to my bed frame; it just popped into my mind.

I'll start by collecting 6 mis-matching wooden chairs. I may have to paint them different colors and sand some edges. Three chairs will be the headboard, and three will be the footboard. And I will set them up facing each other, with 2x4's attached to the seats, running in between.

Here is a sketch I conjured up. And you will see why I never became a professional illustrator.

Obviously the 3 chairs at the footboard I didn't draw, but they will be there to hold up the other end of the bed. There will probably have to be some kind of X-beam in the middle for support. And the chairs will have to be fastened together so they don't drift apart over time.

I was thinking 3 chairs on either side would be perfect for our queen-sized bed. We'll just add another at each end if we ever upgrade to a king.

Any thoughts/ideas on how to make this work? And where to find some great used chairs with lots of character?

Foot. and Baby.

So, my mom (who is a great nurse) thinks I strained my foot. And if I do any more impact cardio while I'm still in pain, it will probably lead to a full-on sprain. Great!

Let's just say with this painful foot it's been fun getting around the house and taking care of 2 kids on my own for the few hours Jason is at work after I get home. Good thing it's Saturday - although Jason is working, hopefully it will be a laid-back day and Tiegan won't require much more than pouring her cereal, microwaving her chicken nuggets and changing the channel on the TV. I hate to have all-TV days, but it's chilly and there's not much else we can do. It's OK once in a while, right?

And Sofia -- well, she's easy. Everything she needs is right in the living room.

Speaking of Sofia. We are starting her on solids. It just doesn't seem right. It's too soon! But not really. They say you should start solid between 4-6 months, and she's 4 months old now. My little baby is eating organic applesauce! Well... just 1 spoonful a day, and 1 spoonful of rice cereal. She's growing up so fast. She's even wearing size 6-9 months clothes. She doesn't look that big to me, though. Her feet don't even touch the bottom of her exersaucer on the lowest setting.

I need some updated pictures of the girls.

This was a totally random post. I'll do better next time.

The Workout is Out.

I'm taking a few days' breather from the 30 Day Shred. I'm very sad about this. I feel like I'm going to gain all 7 lbs back, so I'm eating way more healthfully than before. At least that will make a little bit of a difference. And I was just beginning to see some noticeable changes in my body, as far as toning up goes.

Why am I quitting for a few days? The high-impact cardio began to do a BIG number on my joints. And the worst pain of all is in the TOP (yes... the TOP) of my left foot. The other day, when I finished the workout (ignoring the joint and foot pain - which was probably stupid), I noticed the top of my left foot towards the inside looked bruised and swollen. And hurt to the touch. And hurt to put weight on it. And hurt. hurt. hurt.

I know what you're about to ask, and yes, I did wear decent shoes. Good ol' Champion running shoes. If not the correct shoes for the job, better than nothing at all.

I have always had loose joints and brittle ligaments. Cool, huh. So I guess I should have consulted my doctor before beginning the Shred like the video tells me to. Oh well. Hopefully if I can't get back to it, I can find some other workout that will be just as hardcore, without injuring myself. Any ideas?

Weeeeee, it's a Wii!

Dude. We got a Wii.

Actually, we used to have one. When they first came out. But hard times fell upon us and we sold it. There weren't many games for it at the time. It was in the beginning stages, and we didn't think it'd really take off anyway. The joke was on us, I guess!

A few weeks ago we've been getting a hankerin' to get a Wii again (me, especially, because of Wii Fit). And when Jason showed Tiegan the website that lists ALLLLL the Wii games, she went nuts. Wii Cheer! Hasbro Family Game Night! Disney Princesses! Littlest Pet Shop! Cars Race-o-Rama! OMG OMG OMG!

So, not really wanting to spend extra money (that we're saving for Christmas), the other day we posted Jason's somewhat-new HP laptop for trade on Craigslist. It had stopped working a few months ago - needs a new motherboard. We have been using my old iBook g4, so at least we weren't totally out a computer.

Somebody replied within 2 days. It was totally out of the blue and unexpected. I was pretty sure the odds were slim that anyone in our city would JUST HAPPEN to have an unwanted Wii to trade for a broken laptop. But someone did, and that night, we had a Wii.

Tiegan. LOVES. it. [pictures soon].

It Burns So Good.

This woman is crazy. And that is why I love her.

I have just completed Day 11 (or, Day 1 of the excruciating Level 2) of the renowned Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shred. I don't look anywhere near what she does, but I can see a huge improvement in my physical stamina. Also... my total weight-loss count from day 1 is up to 5 lbs! If I keep losing at this rate until the very last day, I will have lost a total of 15 lbs. Which is acceptable to me, as the big selling line for this video is a promise that you will lose up to 20 lbs by the end of the stretch.

I don't really want to lose any more than that, anyway. What I REALLY want is to tone up. Which seems to be happening.

The only downfall is the soreness. Never in my life have I been so tough on myself. I have tried so many workout regimes on my own, going by an advised plan written down on paper. Once in a while I'd throw the TV on some lame exercise show and would lazily go through the movements. I always stopped when I got tired, or made up an excuse like I had something more pressing to do.

But THIS is totally different. I know it's cheesy, but it really feels like Jillian's there in my living room kicking my ass. And I'd be ashamed of myself if I quit and let her down. Or worse yet, let myself down. She really makes you feel like you have the power to be a total Bad Ass. And I will make this self-proclamation, after Day 30.

Not only do I hope to be close to this size again someday...

... I plan to be in the best shape of my life.

That photo of me was taken about 2 weeks before I got pregnant with Sofia. So, I know it's possible to lose baby weight. I did it once. And I WILL do it again. This time, I'll do it better.