Cycle.

I'm not gonna lie, I have been feeling pretty down lately.

That's my excuse for not blogging.

Jason has been super involved in this indie film project (in Detroit), and adding that to him already having a full-time job out of town, we rarely see each other. I feel like I've supported him tremendously, but he feels like I haven't. I'm not really sure where we strayed from being on the same page.

Sure, he is gone a lot. And yeah, it's really tough on me to be home playing housewife and mommy all by myself. My only issue is that he doesn't seem to understand the load that has been put on me. He says he is doing this because he wants to go far with an acting career and be able to support the family with this career one day. That's great. I just want him to realize what I am sacrificing to make it possible, and maybe show a little appreciation.

I offered to do a free photoshoot for the cast of the film. I needed a challenge and to add to my portfolio, so it seemed like a perfect fit. I was still happy to do it, but I didn't expect it to end up costing as much money as it did when things are already pretty tight. Not to mention all the gas he has to pay for traveling back and forth to Detroit, and this is a pro-bono gig for him. I just hope it pays off in the long run. Our only issue is not money - in fact that is the least of our worries. It just adds to the stress. Just an example of how the whole family is sacrificing for this project; he's not the only one doing all the work.

I can't emphasize enough the fact that I SUPPORT him. I want this so badly for him. All I want in return is a little respect for working as hard as I do around here to keep the loose ends tied up. Taking care of the children, cooking, cleaning, helping his project with graphic design & photos, on top of having a "day job," it's tough for me. I don't want a round of applause at the end of the day but a simple "hey, you're pretty awesome" once in a while would do the trick.

I happen to think I'm a great catch, but he's been showing me that he feels otherwise lately. I just love him so much, I want him to see ME and who I truly am, rather than seeing this mask his subconscious has created for me. I am not the whiny, selfish wife he thinks I am and I don't know what else I have to do to prove it.