Before you read this post, I urge you to go back and read the previous one first.
Ready?
Okay.
It's been two weeks since Jason asked for a divorce. It hit me like a ton of bricks, but just the way he said it... I knew he was sure. I am still confused as hell about WHY exactly he wants one. He used the whole, "it's not you, it's me" routine. He said he saw us hating each other in five years. But he gave no explanation as to why he feels this way. I've lost a lot of respect for him because he was so vague in his reasoning and none of those reasons should merit something as serious and consequential as a DIVORCE, especially with 2 children involved -- one as little as 5 months old. I feel he was extremely hasty in his decision and will regret it seriously down the road. But the damage has been done; the words have been uttered.
I'm deeply hurt and fear I always will be. I thought we were great together and only getting better. After my last post, we had a talk and silly me - I actually thought we were working things out and making our marriage stronger. If only he had told me he was feeling differently a LONG time ago...
I truly believed if he would have been honest about his feelings and willing to talk to me, we would have been a wonderful couple for life. He fooled a lot of people. Not only was I completely blown away by his sudden announcement, so was everyone else we knew. He certainly put forth a lot of effort on this charade, for a long time.
I will always love him as my daughters' father, and I will always want him back in a small way. But I'll know it's not the REAL him I want back - just the guy he fooled me into loving. I feel so used and misled. My emotions are pretty hot & cold these days; I have had my share of ups and downs in this short time.
In only 2 weeks, and over Christmas I might add, I've gotten my own house, completely moved, and became a single mother of two. If he changes his mind, it will be too late. My heart is broken for the first time. He was the love of my life, but I wasn't his.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
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2 comments:
I am so sorry, hope you will be able to get over it all ... he is stupid, he should have tought about the children in the first place. I have the strage feeling this is about his career, and that is so stupid. I hope you will have the strenght to fight for your wonderful children to give them the best you can and it will not be easy but you are strong from what I see and you are not doing a mistake if you do not take him back. I am so sorry for you...
I was pretty shocked to read this post from you...and so sad for you and your little family :( The love you had for him was definitely obvious and I hope that someday you will be able to find that with someone who will reciprocate it back to you...that's what you deserve!!
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