The Meaning of True Love

Tonight, as I was running my fingers through Jason's hair and trying to sleep, I came to a realization.

He must really love me.

Of course I knew this, but I was suddenly hit in the face with this moment of clarity, all starting with something incredibly superficial.

My mind really wanders to strange and random places when I'm lying in bed trying to sleep. Tonight I was imagining what my life would be like if Jason & I had waited to get married & have children. I thought about how wrapped up in each other we were back in 2005, when we first got together again. For those of you who don't know the back story, we dated briefly when I was 16 and he was 19. He had gone back to college at WMU and I didn't hear from him for 2 weeks, after which I decided to break up with him via e-mail. I know, cold on both ends! Suddenly, 4 years later, and me on my way to getting married to a guy in the Navy & moving to South Carolina (or wherever he was to be stationed), Jason called me out of the blue & invited me to a party he was having.

I almost didn't go. I thought "hey, I'm engaged, and it would look bad if I was off at some other guy's party." Later that night, I hopped out of bed and said what the hell. I'm going to have fun.

The second I pulled into Jason's driveway and saw him again for the first time, I fell hard. We both did. I went into hiding for the next couple weeks to avoid the inevitable. Here I was, making wedding plans with a guy, and falling for someone else. It was like the moment I saw Jason again, my whole life was like a globe that had been whirled around by some random passerby and I had no idea which direction I was facing anymore. During those couple weeks, Jason called me non-stop. He extended several invitations to come over and chat. I denied, denied, denied. I needed time to think my life over.

One might think he was totally obsessed and borderline insane for the number of times he called, and how often he filled my voicemail to the point where I would have to delete messages to make room.

As much as I tried to avoid the situation, I just kept falling harder.

I finally agreed to come over and talk. I remember very vividly - I was on the couch and he was sitting on the floor in front of me. I stared into his eyes. Couldn't stop. They were stunning. They pulled me in. It was then that I broke things off with my fiance and started moving in with Jason. It all happened very fast.

I can't describe to you how comfortable I am with him. I have been from day 1. I can tell him anything. He quickly became my best friend before we became a "couple" again, and I think that's imperative. He will always be my best friend. I know this because it happened naturally. I didn't have to take time to settle in and feel my way around our boundaries and comfort zones. We just fit, instantly.

SO, now that you know the back story, I'll go on with what I came here to say. Something way less interesting than all of that. (Sorry.)

As I was running my fingers through Jason's hair, I thought about how I gave him a haircut recently. I remembered admiring the snazzy job I did & saying that I should start charging guys for haircuts. Then I quickly dismissed that idea because I wouldn't feel comfortable touching another guy's hair. Comfortable. Comfort. Then I thought - HEY - comfort. Jason must have been really comfortable with me to ask me if I'd cut his hair.

You're like - so what?

I'll tell you what. It's a big deal because he's very picky about his hair. I often tease him about being borderline metro. Sometimes he can be surprisingly conscious of his appearance.

This being the case, I got to thinking that he must really trust me. I mean of course he trusts me - but regular "marriage trust" and "clippers, razors and scissors trust" are totally different things. If he "clippers, razors and scissors" trusts me, that must mean he REALLY LOVES ME.