The Minis and Me

New

2010-01-11T14:15:00.000-08:00

Things have been going better for me over the past few weeks.

At first, obviously the divorce devastated and shocked me. In a very short amount of time I found my own house to rent, opened my own individual bank account, and started living independently. It's done me a world of good and I'm so glad I got out quickly. If we were still living together and taking our sweet time with the divorce, I would be miserable. He is already spending the night in Detroit a lot, which is something I had to really just force myself to stop analyzing in my head.

Going through with the legality of everything is going to be painful, I'm sure. It will be a constant reminder of the rejection. But after it's all said and done, I have hope that there will be a wonderful life waiting for me. I've already started living it. I'm surprised to say that I feel very much at home in my new house. I was worried that wouldn't happen for me.

One thing that saddens me the most is not having my children every day. Especially having JUST had a baby - she is only 6 months old. I feel like I am really going to miss out on a lot of their lives. Right now, our schedule is weird. Hopefully we can clean it up over time, but it works for the time being. So far I have them Thursday-Sunday, and then just Sofia Monday afternoon (Tiegan stays with Judy Mondays as she takes her to dance class in the evenings). The rest of the week Jason picks them up from his grandma after work.

I am trying to put a positive spin on it for myself. At least I have time to unwind after work and can keep a clean house without having to constantly pick up after kids. I gotta admit, though, life is pretty lonely without my best girls around on the weekdays. I'm just glad that most of my time with them consists of full days from start to finish. That way their schedules won't be so entirely messed up. We had our little routine and they were doing so well. Luckily Tiegan LOVES my (our) new house and Sofia has been sleeping, eating and playing as well as ever when she's with me.

Tiegan seems to be doing okay overall. I don't think she understands the whole Divorce thing just yet, and that's okay. She doesn't really seem to be confused by the fact that Mommy and Daddy live in different houses now. I asked her if she knew what getting a divorce meant, and she said, "Yeah, it's when you go live in a new house with Mommy!"

I guess that will work for now. I don't want to hide things from her, but I also don't want her to know that this was all Daddy's idea. I don't want her to resent him. Any advice about the future and further explaining things would be greatly appreciated.

One thing that will be a little tough to figure out is her birthday. She will be 4 next month and I'm thinking we'll just have to have 2 separate parties. I won't be able to afford much, if anything, so I hope mine is enjoyable for her.

It's kind of a pain to add them here, so you can see some phone-pics of the new digs here:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/minisandme/

Unwanted Change

2009-12-30T19:29:00.000-08:00

2009 started off as the best year I'd ever had... and ended as the worst.

I am hoping that 2010 brings change, insight, acceptance and forgiveness. I cannot expect that of a mere number; time, something Man created. (MEN! Hmph.) I have to make it happen. Will it to happen. Whichever.

Here I sit, in my new kitchen, at my new table, looking out my new windows (through my new curtains), pondering the new life ahead of me.

I miss my girls. I am most upset, at the moment, that they have been taken away from me for half the week. I will not fight this, as I still think Jason is a great father and for the girls' best interest, they need him in their lives. I still get more overall time with them, and more full days than he does. But when I sit here, alone, in this empty house... my heart aches. A little bit because I've been dumped by someone I cherished with the entire depth of my soul... but more because I miss those 2 little angels that are my daughters. I miss their hugs, their voices, their giggles, their banter. Their snuggles, their warmth, and the fullness they bring to a home.

I feel like a big piece of me will always be missing, but hopefully in time having my girls, family and friends around will help fill that gap.

And just like that...

2009-12-29T18:10:00.001-08:00

Before you read this post, I urge you to go back and read the previous one first.

Ready?
Okay.

It's been two weeks since Jason asked for a divorce. It hit me like a ton of bricks, but just the way he said it... I knew he was sure. I am still confused as hell about WHY exactly he wants one. He used the whole, "it's not you, it's me" routine. He said he saw us hating each other in five years. But he gave no explanation as to why he feels this way. I've lost a lot of respect for him because he was so vague in his reasoning and none of those reasons should merit something as serious and consequential as a DIVORCE, especially with 2 children involved -- one as little as 5 months old. I feel he was extremely hasty in his decision and will regret it seriously down the road. But the damage has been done; the words have been uttered.

I'm deeply hurt and fear I always will be. I thought we were great together and only getting better. After my last post, we had a talk and silly me - I actually thought we were working things out and making our marriage stronger. If only he had told me he was feeling differently a LONG time ago...

I truly believed if he would have been honest about his feelings and willing to talk to me, we would have been a wonderful couple for life. He fooled a lot of people. Not only was I completely blown away by his sudden announcement, so was everyone else we knew. He certainly put forth a lot of effort on this charade, for a long time.

I will always love him as my daughters' father, and I will always want him back in a small way. But I'll know it's not the REAL him I want back - just the guy he fooled me into loving. I feel so used and misled. My emotions are pretty hot & cold these days; I have had my share of ups and downs in this short time.

In only 2 weeks, and over Christmas I might add, I've gotten my own house, completely moved, and became a single mother of two. If he changes his mind, it will be too late. My heart is broken for the first time. He was the love of my life, but I wasn't his.

Cycle.

2009-12-14T06:26:00.000-08:00

I'm not gonna lie, I have been feeling pretty down lately.

That's my excuse for not blogging.

Jason has been super involved in this indie film project (in Detroit), and adding that to him already having a full-time job out of town, we rarely see each other. I feel like I've supported him tremendously, but he feels like I haven't. I'm not really sure where we strayed from being on the same page.

Sure, he is gone a lot. And yeah, it's really tough on me to be home playing housewife and mommy all by myself. My only issue is that he doesn't seem to understand the load that has been put on me. He says he is doing this because he wants to go far with an acting career and be able to support the family with this career one day. That's great. I just want him to realize what I am sacrificing to make it possible, and maybe show a little appreciation.

I offered to do a free photoshoot for the cast of the film. I needed a challenge and to add to my portfolio, so it seemed like a perfect fit. I was still happy to do it, but I didn't expect it to end up costing as much money as it did when things are already pretty tight. Not to mention all the gas he has to pay for traveling back and forth to Detroit, and this is a pro-bono gig for him. I just hope it pays off in the long run. Our only issue is not money - in fact that is the least of our worries. It just adds to the stress. Just an example of how the whole family is sacrificing for this project; he's not the only one doing all the work.

I can't emphasize enough the fact that I SUPPORT him. I want this so badly for him. All I want in return is a little respect for working as hard as I do around here to keep the loose ends tied up. Taking care of the children, cooking, cleaning, helping his project with graphic design & photos, on top of having a "day job," it's tough for me. I don't want a round of applause at the end of the day but a simple "hey, you're pretty awesome" once in a while would do the trick.

I happen to think I'm a great catch, but he's been showing me that he feels otherwise lately. I just love him so much, I want him to see ME and who I truly am, rather than seeing this mask his subconscious has created for me. I am not the whiny, selfish wife he thinks I am and I don't know what else I have to do to prove it.

Love You Forever

2009-12-07T09:50:00.000-08:00

Sofia (5 months old on December 10) has become much more exploratory. She has started reaching out for things and very gently, tenderly investigating with her hands.

She is in love with the sunshine on her exersaucer.

This morning, I stood her up on the couch (which is extremely ugly without the slipcover). She just stood there, leaning against the back cushion, rubbing and staring and picking at the texture.

I'm starting to remember how fun this age is. The world is so new and exciting to babies, and everything is so fascinating to them. When Sofia was still an 8 lb. newborn and starting to outgrow her first outfits, I was almost devastated at the fact that she would never be that small again. But now I'm over it, remembering how fun the first milestones are. The whole first year is just amazing, and I'm excited to be living in it one last time.

Little Girl Blue

2009-12-05T08:41:00.000-08:00

Can't take this kid anywhere.

This is one serious reflux baby. I can't believe that, at 4 months, she weighs 13 pounds. I'm surprised she's gained any weight since birth, with the amount she spits up. If I had to estimate, I would say that over time she spits up at least 1/3 of each bottle she drinks. It just keeps coming out, periodically, throughout the entire day.

We finally broke down and put her on Zantac a week ago. Tiegan was a reflux baby (although, if memory serves, not this bad) and was on Zantac as well. For Tiegan, it worked within a few days. We have yet to see a result with Sofia.

I wash her blankets every day. I do at least 2 batches of laundry a day, full of baby clothes, bibs, burp rags, my OWN clothes that have all been spit up on... and other than routine cleaning, I do an extra sinkful of teethers and binkies every day. I must say this is one mom that is no longer phased by baby puke.

I am hoping the Zantac starts working soon. She really doesn't seem to be pained by it, but that doesn't mean anything. It's still damaging her esophagus, and once she gets teeth, it will damage them too. If the Zantac ends up not working, I'm sure it's not reflux that's the problem - it's her hypertonicity. Her muscles are always on overdrive. She always wants to stand straight up. We have to actually force her to bend at the hips to sit down in her swing, bumbo seat, etc.
Poor kid.

But... ain't she purdy? :)

Gettin' my Hurr did.

2009-11-29T06:01:00.000-08:00

Every year about this time, I spring for darker hair. I just think it's more appropriate for fall & winter. Don't know why, but it's always worked out for me.

Last year it was short & shaggy.

This year it's grown out quite a bit. I feel like it's been growing so slowly, but now that I see how much more hair I have in just 1 year... I guess it wasn't that slow after all.

Has anyone ever tried the Tousle me Softly products? Do they work?

5 Minutes

2009-11-27T20:42:00.000-08:00

So, I think we're going to find a new pediatrician.

Our girls' doctor is always so rushed. We had a checkup appointment for both of them the other day. It was for Sofia's 4-month well check, and to re-check Tiegan's right ear (which had a negative pressure reading last time, and he thought she might need tubes).

He asked if I had any questions/concerns about the girls after giving them the once-over, and of course I had a couple things I wanted to bring up. Nothing severe... just normal questions any mother would bring up at a well-check. Sofia's spitting up, for example. I wanted to get her on Zantac. No big deal, right? I was also curious about her being hypertonic (stiff muscles, arching back, "standing" when trying to put her down to sit). These are all fairly normal questions that aren't urgent or pressing enough to merit another separate appointment.

At first, he was calmly discussing these things with me, and then he interrupted, saying that he only had a 10-minute time slot for my girls (as if we just walked in at the last second and didn't schedule our appointment WEEKS in advance?) and said we had to hurry. With every word, I felt like he was pushing me forward and edging out the door.

At our last appointment before this, where we waited THREE HOURS, I remember him coming in and apologizing that it took so long. He said he wanted to make sure every patient got the answers and attention they need, and the last patient took more time than usual. So, that last patient was more important than my girls? Hmm?

When he talks, I feel like I need to breathe for him because he is so rushed. I do think he could be a good doctor, but he probably just has more patients than he can handle, which makes him less able to pay proper attention to everyone. I understand there is a timeline to go by, and I don't expect to take all day with him. I'm not greedy. I just expect proper care for my daughters. Ya know, maybe more than 10 minutes for BOTH my girls to squeeze in (that would be 5 minutes per patient).

Do you know of any doctors that expect you to come in for a 5 minute appointment? Really?

Knock 'em Down

2009-11-23T07:00:00.000-08:00

Last night was rough.

Jason reminded me after the girls went to sleep that I had said I was going to do my Shred workout. A few days ago I was going to re-start Level 2 after taking a few days' break to let my strained foot heal. It was still painful that day, so I took a couple more days' break.

Day before yesterday, I did some walk-out pushups and some ab strength moves, but that was it. Today I planned to go full-on back into the Shred.

And I did. Full on. By the time I was 3/4 through, I was taking 5 second breaks which I don't usually do. I HAD to. I was pushing myself as hard as I could, and believe me, I was not just being a wimp. I was 2 seconds away from puking. Before I took my break, Level 2 was practically a breeze for me! I couldn't believe this was happening. Jason was in the next room, occasionally looking in on me and asking me if I was okay. HAHA. Talk about embarrassing.

Usually when I'm done, I will sit outside for a few minutes and drink some water while I cool off. This time, I went straight upstairs and laid face-down on the bathroom floor.

Have you ever been drunk to the point where you were saying you would NEVER drink again? This is exactly how I felt. I was dizzy, felt like my head wasn't on straight, and was extremely nauseated. I'm not really sure how long it took for that feeling to go away, because after a few minutes when I managed to peel myself off the bathroom floor, I took my shoes off and plopped right into bed. ZONK.

Hopefully today will be better. The good news is, I've lost a total of 8 lbs since the beginning, and am down to 112!

Climbing Out of a Rut

2009-11-23T06:29:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I met up with a friend to do some portraits for fun. I have been in a photography rut and felt the need to bust out.

There is an area of Jackson that I hadn't yet explored, and now I really like it for photos. It's a little scary though, and I thought we were going to get busted for trespassing when a cop drove by and we heard him stop and start to back up again. But all was well, and he was just stopping to make sure we were safe because it was a pretty sketchy area of town. Next time I might want to go with a bodyguard, because I'm pretty sure we witnessed a drug deal go down. Ahh the adventures of a photographer!

Here are some of my favorite shots of Julie from our session.

Now it's time to revel in my Monday off. I'll probably get all crazy and put clean laundry away. I know, my life is a never-ending adventure!

3 Day Weekends and Scrooge Himself

2009-11-21T19:23:00.000-08:00

I am happy to say my work schedule is changing.

Not that I didn't like it before, but I will like it even better now. I was on an 8am-1pm schedule every weekday, but now I will have Mondays off and longer hours the rest of the 4 weekdays to make up for it.

When I was working until 1pm, I always felt like I was leaving things undone and I wasn't ready to go yet. We are usually much busier in the afternoon, and I prefer being occupied. There are few things I dislike more than sitting at my desk, twiddling my thumbs and counting the minutes as they pass.

Now, I will probably feel more satisfied with my work when I leave. And also a plus: 3 day weekends! I think I will probably feel more closure to my weekend and will be more ready to face the work week this way. Win-win.

Also, Tiegan will still be going to her grandma's on Mondays. She has dance class on Monday evenings, and Judy keeps her and takes her, since she's the one that splurged on it and has all of T's leotards and dance shoes at her house. So we don't want to mess up that schedule, and I want Judy to be able to keep all that stuff at her house. I think Tiegan really enjoys that special thing they have together, anyway. I don't want to take it away from her. They usually go out to eat after dance, which I don't think I could swing every week anyway. We can have our own special little things, just mother & daughter. And I will have to work harder at that, now that Sofia and I have Mondays to ourselves every week.

In other news...

I haven't really gotten into the Christmas spirit yet. I've barely even gotten myself geared up for Thanksgiving. You would think I'd be the opposite, since I've been designing Christmas-themed ads for the newspaper for the past month now.

Don't mean to sound like I'm placing blame, but I think a little bit of it has to do with Jason's attitude toward the holiday season. He HATES going shopping (for anything... even a quick in-and-out stop for one or two grocery items). He says it's because of all the stupid people that come out of the woodwork this time of year and take up precious aisle space at the store. Oh, and not to mention the people that bump into other people they know and crowd the middle of the aisle with their carts while they stand there and chat about the last 5 years of their lives... in everyone's way.

I completely agree with him - I can't stand that. But there's nothing we can do to change it. We can only change the way we react to it. I have been trying to help him with this... but when he gets in a bad mood, all you can really do is just step out of his path and not let it bother you. After 4 years of marriage, I've become pretty skilled at this. :)

Over His Head

2009-11-18T13:39:00.000-08:00

I'm pretty sure my attitude yesterday was the result of a deadly combination of stress and hormones. S'all good now.

That said, I wanted to write about something else that has been bothering me: Short jokes.

Not about me, but about my husband.

He must either not be bothered by them, or can hide it really well. People make short jokes about him all the time and he laughs along. I know he realizes you have to be able to laugh at yourself in life, but it worries me that someday it will really get to him.

Maybe it's because I've known him for so long, but he doesn't seem THAT short to me. He's my height - 5'1". It's not like he's "little people" status. He doesn't get a handicapped parking sticker. The worst it gets for him is that it's hard to find pants that aren't too long, and navigating his way through a tall crowd can be a little tough. The same problems I have.

I can understand a little teasing. It's only natural. For someone just meeting him for the first time, it can be a little surprising. But for people to incessantly hound, research new short jokes, and push push push... I really hope he doesn't break one day. He doesn't deserve all the flack he gets about it - especially for it being something he can't help.

I suppose it's because I love him so much that it pisses me off when people make the jokes. Only thing is - I can't say anything, because then they'd just make fun of the fact that his wifey stands up for him. Ha!

Hormones and Garbage.

2009-11-17T14:04:00.000-08:00

Do any of you ever feel like you are always behind on housework? There is always something that could use improvement? There is never enough time to keep up with it on a daily basis?

This is my typical day.

6am- get up, get ready for work. Get the girls ready to go.
7:15am- Jason takes the girls to grandma's, heads to work.
7:30am- I leave for work.
Sometime between 1pm-2pm - I get out of work.
2pm- get home from work, do my 20-minute workout.
2:30pm- pick up the girls, chat at grandma's house for a little while.
3:30pm- get home, feed Sofia, fix Tiegan a snack.
4:30pm- play with Tiegan, help with her reading & workbooks.
5:30pm- start getting dinner ready.
6:30pm- Jason gets home. Feed Sofia. Serve dinner.
7pm- clean up after dinner, watch a little TV with the family & relax.
8pm- get Tiegan ready for bed. deal with tantrums.
9pm- Feed Sofia again. get her ready for bed.
9:30pm- go to bed myself. because I'm lame.

Let's not forget that intermittently throughout the day, I am doing Mommy stuff like changing diapers, changing clothes that have been spit up on, having Tummy Time with Sofia, heping Tiegan in the bathroom, cleaning up spills, refilling juice cups, etc...

There are also days when Tiegan stays at grandma's and it's just me & Sofia til Jason gets home. Those days I can relax a little bit, and even have time for housework. But the time I have is never enough, and I would always rather be snuggling Sofia or having ME time. And I think that's allowed.

It's gotten to the point, though, where there are ALWAYS things left out. This is acceptable to a certain degree. But on any given day you can come to my house and see...
Pop cans. Pop bottles. Random packaging lying around from things that were purchased and opened. Receipts. Baby clothes. Chairs full of laundry (clean or dirty) and nowhere to sit. Shoes on the living room floor. Toys. Blankets. Clean dishes on the kitchen island waiting to be put away and dirty ones next to the sink. Random clutter on the kitchen counters that belongs in a "junk drawer". Dust. Papers. Mail. Pens. Books. AAAGGGHHH.

I don't think I have been exceptionally lazy lately, so I have been asking myself WHY this is happening. I have short work days. I was working 3 weeks after I had Sofia and kept a cleaner house then, than I do now. WHY IS THAT?!

Then I figured it out. Wanna know how?

I was on my bed this afternoon playing with Sofia. I leaned over Jason's side of the bed and saw the most appalling thing on the floor. Old, crusty, rotten, expired baby bottles. Not one, not two, NOT THREE... but FOUR used baby bottles. Still with remnants of old formula in them. Let the record show that Jason's side of the bed is near the wall and I rarely ever see over there, or I would have caught this much sooner.

How did I not smell this? How did HE not get up EVERY MORNING for the past... oh, I don't know... 2 weeks? and walk right past those dirty bottles and think "Hey, maybe I should pick those up on my way downstairs and drop them off in the sink."

I wouldn't even mind dirty baby bottles sitting in the sink as if to say, "Hey, wife, you need to wash these." At least that shows a little effort. But no. Maybe he thought they would just disappear one day. Is that what husbands think happens? All the dust and clutter and dirty dishes in the house just magically disappear once every couple weeks?

As you can probably tell, I'm a little ticked. Not about the baby bottles, but the attitude that was taken toward them. And about the dirty laundry sitting not in the laundry basket but on the floor about 1 foot away from the hamper. And about the overflowing garbage. And this and that - little things around the house.

For a while, Jason was really wonderful at helping me out around the house. His tasks have always been minimal to begin with, and I'm okay with that. But that makes it extra noticeable when those minimal tasks start going undone. When we got back together last year, we vowed to be more helpful with each other. And because I'm a "put yourself in the other's shoes" kind of person, I have been racking my brain trying to figure out where I could be more helpful to him so that this can be more of a 2-sided issue of improvement. But I just can't think of anything.

I've been supportive of all his creative endeavors, whether successful or not (this recent one being successful). I say "it's okay" and take care of things that he has forgotten about. I am understanding when he over-spends on going out to lunch at work and I have to skimp on gas in my car because of it. I just can't think of anything I've been doing wrong to help offset the blame.

I must say that we are a very different couple than most. We are understanding of each other's faults and typical husband-wife quarrels seem silly and pointless to us. In fact, I couldn't care less if he just stopped taking out the garbage forever. I live here too, I make garbage too, and I'm happy to take it out myself. I guess what I'm most upset about is that we had an agreement to help each other keep our sanity. When all you have to do is pick up your trash behind yourself so that you don't leave a trail, the simple act of neglecting to do your chores leaps over the fence from laziness and lands square in the boundary of disrespect. When that happens, I feel like I'm turning into a slave.

Or maybe I'm just PMS-ing.

Back in Time

2009-11-17T12:22:00.000-08:00

Got this survey from Nicole... some questions & answers about my time in high school :)

1. Did you date someone from your school? Yeah, I had quite a few boyfriends in high school. They were mostly from my school, except for Jason when we dated for a while at first - he was a college boy ;)

2. What kind of car did you drive? None, until after I graduated.

3. What was the most embarrassing moment of HS? When this guy I dated (turned out to be a huge waste of my time) spread some awful rumors about me.

4. Were you a party animal? Not really. In fact I can't remember going to one party.

5. Were you considered a flirt? A little bit.

6. Were you in band, orchestra, or choir? Do I have to answer this? Ok fine... all three.

7. Were you a nerd? Despite my above answer, no. There were tons of "cool kids" in these organizations.

8. Were you on any varsity teams? Nope.

9. Did you get suspended/expelled? Nope. I was threatened with a suspension but never got one.

10. Can you still sing the fight song? Ehhhh... parts.

11. Who were your favorite teachers? My humanities teacher and my band teacher.

12. Where did you sit during lunch? Usually went out for lunch, sometimes sat on the front lawn of the school, or at a cafeteria table with my best friends.

13. School mascot? Viking

14. Did you go to homecoming, and with who? I went to homecoming 2 different years, each with my boyfriend at the time - 1st one, Tommy - 2nd one, Evan.

15. If you could go back and do it again, would you? Nope.

16. What do you remember most about graduation? It took FOREVER. I was near the end of our 300-something class, and it was inside rather than on the football field because of weather, so it was hot, loud and crowded.

17. Where did you go senior skip day? I didn't skip. the black history tour group was singing at an assembly that day, so our authority figures guilted us into feeling like we were being racist if we skipped that day.

18. Were you in any clubs? I was on the yearbook staff, does that count? Oh god, I have nerd written all over me.

19. Have you gained some weight since then? I've had 2 kids - you take a guess.

20. Who was your prom date? I didn't go to prom. Todd and I got dressed up and went to dinner at Olive Garden that night. Looking back, I think it was more him talking me out of going to prom, rather than us agreeing not to go.

21. Are you planning on going to your 10 year reunion? I'm not really sure. Probably not. I keep in touch with the people that matter to me, and there's Facebook... so I don't really see the point.

22. Looking back, what advice would you give yourself? 2 things: I would have told myself to be less shy/nervous... and I would have made myself take the ACT/SAT and apply to colleges.

Shred Me

2009-11-17T12:01:00.000-08:00

Several ladies I know have started this now-famous 30 Day Shred. Now we've banded together to blog about our experience with the Shred, and keep track of our measurements and weight loss. I hope to see some good before-and-after shots! Maybe this will help keep us on track, knowing we're all in it together. Some of us are at different stages in the shred, but it's still fun to hear how easy/difficult it is for other people - for comparison's sake. I don't feel like so much of a wuss now, knowing that it's just as hard for others!

Making it Happen

2009-11-16T10:59:00.000-08:00

The Search is on.

I had this idea to build our own bed frame/headboard/footboard a long time ago, and never got around to completing the project. I love kitschy, eclectic, mismatching cottagey furniture. And this seemed to fit the bill.

It first came to mind when I saw a picture in a magazine of a big heavy wood-plank dining table with 6 completely different mis-matching dining chairs. They were all a little beat up and it just worked. It wasn't UGLY beat-up, or DIRTY beat-up... everything just looked well-loved. Lived in. Happy. Even in the photo, that room felt like home. It felt comfortable. I would hate to have a home where people would be afraid to touch anything when they visit.

I don't remember exactly how I decided I'd translate this to my bed frame; it just popped into my mind.

I'll start by collecting 6 mis-matching wooden chairs. I may have to paint them different colors and sand some edges. Three chairs will be the headboard, and three will be the footboard. And I will set them up facing each other, with 2x4's attached to the seats, running in between.

Here is a sketch I conjured up. And you will see why I never became a professional illustrator.

Obviously the 3 chairs at the footboard I didn't draw, but they will be there to hold up the other end of the bed. There will probably have to be some kind of X-beam in the middle for support. And the chairs will have to be fastened together so they don't drift apart over time.

I was thinking 3 chairs on either side would be perfect for our queen-sized bed. We'll just add another at each end if we ever upgrade to a king.

Any thoughts/ideas on how to make this work? And where to find some great used chairs with lots of character?

Foot. and Baby.

2009-11-14T05:07:00.000-08:00

So, my mom (who is a great nurse) thinks I strained my foot. And if I do any more impact cardio while I'm still in pain, it will probably lead to a full-on sprain. Great!

Let's just say with this painful foot it's been fun getting around the house and taking care of 2 kids on my own for the few hours Jason is at work after I get home. Good thing it's Saturday - although Jason is working, hopefully it will be a laid-back day and Tiegan won't require much more than pouring her cereal, microwaving her chicken nuggets and changing the channel on the TV. I hate to have all-TV days, but it's chilly and there's not much else we can do. It's OK once in a while, right?

And Sofia -- well, she's easy. Everything she needs is right in the living room.

Speaking of Sofia. We are starting her on solids. It just doesn't seem right. It's too soon! But not really. They say you should start solid between 4-6 months, and she's 4 months old now. My little baby is eating organic applesauce! Well... just 1 spoonful a day, and 1 spoonful of rice cereal. She's growing up so fast. She's even wearing size 6-9 months clothes. She doesn't look that big to me, though. Her feet don't even touch the bottom of her exersaucer on the lowest setting.

I need some updated pictures of the girls.

This was a totally random post. I'll do better next time.

The Workout is Out.

2009-11-13T10:38:00.001-08:00

I'm taking a few days' breather from the 30 Day Shred. I'm very sad about this. I feel like I'm going to gain all 7 lbs back, so I'm eating way more healthfully than before. At least that will make a little bit of a difference. And I was just beginning to see some noticeable changes in my body, as far as toning up goes.

Why am I quitting for a few days? The high-impact cardio began to do a BIG number on my joints. And the worst pain of all is in the TOP (yes... the TOP) of my left foot. The other day, when I finished the workout (ignoring the joint and foot pain - which was probably stupid), I noticed the top of my left foot towards the inside looked bruised and swollen. And hurt to the touch. And hurt to put weight on it. And hurt. hurt. hurt.

I know what you're about to ask, and yes, I did wear decent shoes. Good ol' Champion running shoes. If not the correct shoes for the job, better than nothing at all.

I have always had loose joints and brittle ligaments. Cool, huh. So I guess I should have consulted my doctor before beginning the Shred like the video tells me to. Oh well. Hopefully if I can't get back to it, I can find some other workout that will be just as hardcore, without injuring myself. Any ideas?

Weeeeee, it's a Wii!

2009-11-11T15:00:00.001-08:00

Dude. We got a Wii.

Actually, we used to have one. When they first came out. But hard times fell upon us and we sold it. There weren't many games for it at the time. It was in the beginning stages, and we didn't think it'd really take off anyway. The joke was on us, I guess!

A few weeks ago we've been getting a hankerin' to get a Wii again (me, especially, because of Wii Fit). And when Jason showed Tiegan the website that lists ALLLLL the Wii games, she went nuts. Wii Cheer! Hasbro Family Game Night! Disney Princesses! Littlest Pet Shop! Cars Race-o-Rama! OMG OMG OMG!

So, not really wanting to spend extra money (that we're saving for Christmas), the other day we posted Jason's somewhat-new HP laptop for trade on Craigslist. It had stopped working a few months ago - needs a new motherboard. We have been using my old iBook g4, so at least we weren't totally out a computer.

Somebody replied within 2 days. It was totally out of the blue and unexpected. I was pretty sure the odds were slim that anyone in our city would JUST HAPPEN to have an unwanted Wii to trade for a broken laptop. But someone did, and that night, we had a Wii.

Tiegan. LOVES. it. [pictures soon].

It Burns So Good.

2009-11-09T13:29:00.000-08:00

This woman is crazy. And that is why I love her.

I have just completed Day 11 (or, Day 1 of the excruciating Level 2) of the renowned Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shred. I don't look anywhere near what she does, but I can see a huge improvement in my physical stamina. Also... my total weight-loss count from day 1 is up to 5 lbs! If I keep losing at this rate until the very last day, I will have lost a total of 15 lbs. Which is acceptable to me, as the big selling line for this video is a promise that you will lose up to 20 lbs by the end of the stretch.

I don't really want to lose any more than that, anyway. What I REALLY want is to tone up. Which seems to be happening.

The only downfall is the soreness. Never in my life have I been so tough on myself. I have tried so many workout regimes on my own, going by an advised plan written down on paper. Once in a while I'd throw the TV on some lame exercise show and would lazily go through the movements. I always stopped when I got tired, or made up an excuse like I had something more pressing to do.

But THIS is totally different. I know it's cheesy, but it really feels like Jillian's there in my living room kicking my ass. And I'd be ashamed of myself if I quit and let her down. Or worse yet, let myself down. She really makes you feel like you have the power to be a total Bad Ass. And I will make this self-proclamation, after Day 30.

Not only do I hope to be close to this size again someday...

... I plan to be in the best shape of my life.

That photo of me was taken about 2 weeks before I got pregnant with Sofia. So, I know it's possible to lose baby weight. I did it once. And I WILL do it again. This time, I'll do it better.

Reading!

2009-11-08T05:30:00.001-08:00

I wore a short-sleeved shirt yesterday.
67 degrees in November. Unreal! It was much needed.

And now for the real reason I'm posting today...

I wanted to share a video of Tiegan reading. It's incredible. She's at a 2nd grade level, at age 3 (4 in February). I realize the volume on this is horrible - you're going to have to turn it waaaay up, and it's still a bit fuzzy. However, for the meantime, my only method of taking video is my cell phone.

And in case you can't understand, here is the excerpt from the book "Just a Bad Day" that she is reading.

"...to paint a picture. But my sister had left the tops off my paints, and they were all dried up. I wanted to play with my new truck, but my dad had stepped on it by accident and broken the wheel."

This is one of her easier books. You wouldn't believe the words she has surprised me with by reading all on her own:
mysterious
ghostly
acceptable
inventive
precisely

Yup. That's my girl.

one two three

2009-11-07T18:55:00.000-08:00

THREE NAMES I GO BY
1. Ash
2. Wifey
3. Mommy

THREE JOBS I HAVE HAD IN MY LIFE
1. Barista @ the Java Hut (used to be at Westwood mall - long gone!)
2. Price Integrity Coordinator (@ Michaels crafts)
3. Ad Designer @ Newspaper

THREE PLACES I HAVE LIVED
1. My parents' house in Jackson
2. Apartments in Jackson
3. House in Michigan Center
(I've never moved out of the area)

THREE TV SHOWS THAT I WATCH
1. Top Gear
2. Desperate Housewives
3. Cougartown... sometimes.

THREE PLACES I HAVE BEEN
1. Albuquerque, NM
2. New York City, NY
3. Garden City Beach, SC

THREE PLACES I WANT TO GO
1. Capri, Italy
2. Australia
3. England

THREE OF MY FAVORITE FOODS
1. Whole wheat toast with crunchy honey peanut butter
2. Chicken Caesar salad
3. my homemade chili

THREE THINGS I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO
1. SLEEPING tonight, as the girls are spending the night at grandma's!!
2. Losing 20 lbs. and feeling better about myself.
3. Seeing the look on Tiegan's face when she opens her Christmas presents... whatever they may be.

THREE ANIMALS WHO I HAVE BEEN FRIENDS WITH
1. Ginger (my yellow lab growing up)
2. Loopy (my mom's cat)
3. Dip (the cat we had but gave to Jason's parents)

THREE THINGS I AM REALLY SCARED OF
1. Being alone in the dark
2. Touching things underwater that I can't see
3. Losing my husband or my kids
(Okay, Heather, I'm going to have to steal all 3 of your answers on this one!)

THREE FAVORITE BOOKS
1. Pencil Dancing
2. The Bell Jar
3. Why People Photograph (unfinished)

THREE FAVORITE BANDS/SINGERS
1. Keely Smith
2. Rufus Wainwright
3. Better than Ezra

THREE FAVORITE MOVIES
1. The Family Stone
2. Because I Said So
3. Wanted

THREE FAVORITE DRINKS
1. Coffee
2. Water
3. Iced Tea (unsweetened)

THREE THINGS I FIND MOST ATTRACTIVE IN A GUY
1. Self Confidence
2. Unabashed (but not immature) humor
3. Pretty eyes, long/dark eyelashes

THREE THINGS I COULDN'T LIVE WITHOUT
1. My family
2. My camera
3. The internet
(Stole Heather's answers for these 3 again)

The Good Job

2009-11-05T12:22:00.000-08:00

I think everyone can relate to working at a job they can't stand. You might feel...
- under-appreciated (or just plain UN-appreciated)
- like your superiors don't believe in you
- like your crappy co-workers get more praise than they deserve, while you sink into the background

Raise your hand if you've ever felt that way. I know I have. And I never thought I'd see the day when I would feel exactly the opposite about my job.

My previous newspaper job was great at first. I was fresh out of high school and had a ton of responsibility. I had a Manager title and took care of a lot of clients. However, over time, it started feeling like my co-workers and superior didn't trust me. They were always questioning me; doubting my skills and ideas. They would ask me for my thoughts on what we should do about a particular marketing strategy, and when I came up with a plan, they shot it down. There were plenty of times I wish I would have just said, "You think it's so easy? Okay, YOU do it!"

I finally quit one day. And would you believe it - they begged me to come back. Twice. And I did, each time. And both times I regretted it. You'd think that they would have realized how difficult my job really was, and that it took talent. Maybe they'd start appreciating what I did for them more. But no. Nothing had changed. I quit again.

Several months went by, and I thought I could get by on photography alone. That was a joke. I had some photography gigs here and there, but not enough to pay the bills. I hunted and hunted for a job I was suited for. After submitting countless applications to no avail, I even started regretting acting all mighty and leaving the old newspaper on my high horse not 1, not 2, but 3 times. I quit searching for a while and started to feel sorry for myself. I began to wonder if I really did suck at my job.

Then, one day, my mom told me there was a job for a newspaper ad designer in the classifieds. I must have missed it that day.
I read the description. I started breathing heavily. My heart fluttered. It was PERFECT.
All my days at the old newspaper as Advertising Manager, I liked the responsibility but it was too stressful. All I wanted to do was design ads. That was my favorite part of the job. I always said I would have been happier sitting in a corner somewhere, designing newspaper ads all day.

I sent my resume. I got called back for an interview. And then another one. And then... I was hired.

It's been 7 months (minus the part where I had a baby) and I still get a little disappointed when I have to leave every day.

And that's what it's like to have a job where you're appreciated. You feel like you matter. Your superiors believe in you. You're co-workers are good people and you work on the same level with them.

Just so ya know. Jobs like that do exist. :)

Wednesday Works - Dreams of Home Improvement

2009-11-04T10:56:00.000-08:00

I like our cute little house on the lake.

But it's exactly that. Little. And every day, it feels smaller and smaller. I am pretty sure our next step will be to buy our own home - much larger than this one. We can afford it (finally), but we will have to wait about a year until our credit is better and we can qualify for a good loan.

Until then, when we can renovate whatever our hearts desire in our OWN house... we have to make do with what we've got, which is a rental. There are several things I'd really love to spruce up to make the rest of our stay here more enjoyable, but I doubt I'll ever get to them. I'd need permission from the landlords to do what I want, and am not sure it would be worth the time/effort if we're not going to stay for a long time.

Here are some things I'd really like to work on... (there's the "Wednesday Works" coming in to play):

#1 - Kitchen Cabinets

It's painful just sharing this picture with you, let alone looking at them every day. They are in dire need of AT LEAST a fresh coat of paint. It's chipping and damaged in areas, and there is white paint splattered on the faces of some cabinets, making everything look dirty... when in reality, it's not. This picture makes them look better than they actually are, to tell you the truth. The base color is a lot more orangey in real life than in this photo, too. I would slap a fresh coat of paint on everything, and dress things up with new hardware.

#2 - First Impression

Sadly, this is the first thing you see when you come in my back door (the only entrance to the house). The stairs up to the kitchen are to the left, and the way down to my scary basement stares you right in the face. Not only is it a horrible first impression, but I have to see it every day when I come home. I would at least hang a curtain here, or paint the stairs & install a door at the bottom (if that window weren't in the way).

#3 - Wood Paneling

And plenty of it. The whole dining area is covered in this stuff, and I'd like to at least paint it. If we owned the house, I'd rip it all down. You can't see in the photo, but there are nail holes everywhere from years & years worth of tenants.

#4 - The Shower That Will Eat You Alive

This is something I learned to get used to, but with which I am growing irritated. First of all - CAN YOU SEE HOW SMALL MY BATHROOM IS? To take this photo, I slapped on the widest lens I have and am standing BETWEEN THE TOILET AND THE SINK with my back up against the wall. Also, you can see the rust through the shower door. Oh, I've scrubbed with industrial-grade rust treatment, but it just keeps coming back. So I've given up hope. Also, isn't it sad that I haven't had a bubble bath in over a year? That shower stall is just over 5 ft. tall. It's a good thing I'm short. YOU try shaving your legs in there!

So, that's not really something I can work on. But at least maybe it would be possible to knock out that linen closet and install a larger, corner-style shower? Something I'd consider if I owned the place. But I don't. So I won't.

Here's to dreams of the future!

Empty Trees and Full Promises

2009-11-03T11:10:00.000-08:00

Looking out my window and realizing the trees are even emptier now than they were a week ago, I wonder how I'm going to get through this winter.

I really, really, really dislike winter. I could almost go so far as to say I hate it. Almost.

There are some really magical things about the season, but for the most part it's a big hassle. A downer. A waste of time. And this year, with TWO kids to bundle up and haul around. The children themselves aren't a problem. It's the snow and cold and wind that I have to wade through and protect them from, even if it's just between the driveway & the back door.

It's a good thing I have a wonderful life full of love and support. With that on my side, I can do anything.

Flickr

2009-11-02T15:17:00.001-08:00

This is a test post from , a fancy photo sharing thing.

All Hallows Eve

2009-11-02T15:06:00.000-08:00

Our Halloween was interesting. Tiegan has been very hot & cold on the subject, so much that I have half a mind to think she may be bipolar (she exhibits this trait in every aspect of life). OK, so I won't be that drastic - she's only 3... but it's something to keep in mind.

Last week, we grabbed a couple pumpkins from Adams Farm Market (thanks to Nicole's mentioning of the place!). They were beautiful, by the way. The day before Halloween, we carved them.

Tiegan was stoked all day. She couldn't WAIT to make jack-o-lanterns. I told her we would do it after dinner, if she ate enough. [She's a very light grazer]. We had pizza, and after about 3 bites, she asked, "OK, did I have enough of my dinner to carve pumpkins?" Since it's a special occasion, I said yes.

We went online and picked out pictures of jack-o-lanterns that we liked and I drew sketches to use as reference. She was giddy giddy giddy. She helped dry off the pumpkins as they'd been sitting in the rain. She grabbed a marker and was ready to draw. Jason and I cut off the tops of the pumpkins and started digging inside, handing Tiegan a big spoon. She was OK for the first couple scoops, but it was downhill from there.

I encouraged her to reach in with her hand.
Big mistake.

She wouldn't do it, so while she wasn't paying attention, I took her hand and touched the goo with it.

*SCREEEEEEEEEECH*

This tantrum, with full-on screaming and wailing, lasted at least 20 minutes.

I apologized over and over (which I don't usually do - normally I take the "buck up" approach) and promised I wouldn't make her touch the goo again. Then all was well with the world, and we went about our carving.

The finished products...

The next day, on Halloween itself, Tiegan couldn't wait to go over to Gram Fifi & Boppy's (my mom & dad) house to get her costume on. My mom had spent weeks sewing it, and was putting the final touches on her hat. Our plan was to spend a little while there, then visit Jason's parents and grandparents, then go home & trick or treat at a couple close neighbors' houses.

Here's the Witchy Poo herself...

She was just fine visiting family and getting candy from them, but when it came time to trick or treat at the neighbors' houses, she wanted none of it. We had to explain to her that you don't actually go IN to the strangers' houses - you just stand at their front door. I still can't figure out why she didn't want to do it, because she is really outgoing. I cannot think of one circumstance in which this girl has been shy. But little ones have ways of surprising us, so I guess that could be it.

So, we had our ups and downs, but the ups were wonderful.

We didn't dress Sofia up - just got a $5 sleeper at Target with little monsters/aliens on it. Kind of boyish, but who cares? Super cute.

I haven't really been into Halloween myself since I was a kid, but maybe next year the whole fam will dress up and do a theme. Any ideas?

See the full-size photos from this post here, at my Flickr site.

On making the world go 'round.

2009-10-31T07:03:00.000-07:00

A couple days ago, Jason & I had our first cross words with each other in a loooooong time.
(I'm talking months.)

It was bedtime, and Tiegan was in the living room throwing a fit. Waterworks and everything. It was my night with Sofia so I took her up to bed and put her down. I came back to the living room and knelt down next to Jason, putting my head on his shoulder. I took a deep breath, and he cut me off in a curt tone -- "just go to bed and I'll deal with this."

I told him he didn't have to have an attitude. He told me I didn't have to come down and complain about the noise Tiegan was making. He assumed I was putting my head on his shoulder in frustration as if to say, "Please make her be quiet so I can go to sleep."

What he didn't realize is, I was actually about to say, "Okay I've got Sofia to bed now. What can I do to help?"

So I stormed upstairs, while snapping at him about trying to read my mind. Or something.

So really, obviously a silly little quarrel.

Once he had finally gotten Tiegan calmed down and in bed, he came into our room to talk about what we said. We both explained what we meant and that we hadn't intended to be rude to each other... and agreed the whole thing was silly.

And that was that. And we went to sleep happy, in each other's arms.

Never go to bed angry. Always communicate about problems. Embrace each other through tough times. Stay close, yet give each other space when needed. These are things that have gotten us through the tough times. That, and the fact that our beliefs and ideals as far as marriage is concerned are so much alike.

I rejoice every day in the fact that I have such a beautifully functioning family, and that our house is bursting with love.

Here's To Sticking With It

2009-10-28T14:23:00.000-07:00

I'm proud to say that I have started the Jillian Michaels 30-Day Shred and have every intention of sticking with it until the end. I felt like I was coughing my stomach out after I was done with the simple 20-minute workout yesterday, but today was much smoother. I have fallen in love with breaking a sweat.

It's true, what workout-aholics say... it's a great rush and finishing a good, grueling workout actually makes you want more.

I am on day 2 and my legs feel like Jell-O, but my pants are fitting better already. And my tops? Well, I'll probably see more of a change in that area in a few years when I've saved up for my tummy tuck.

Work Out Kid

2009-10-26T10:44:00.000-07:00

Help! I haven't been quite as strict on my at-home fitness regime as I'd hoped to be.

Oops.
Big oops.

I was going to be really hard on myself - like, put myself through boot camp to get back in shape. But, once again, I have slacked off and let myself down. It's hard to admit I need someone else to kick my ass into shape, and that I don't have the guts. But here I am, admitting it. That's the first step, right?

All it took was me trying on my 2-sizes-bigger-than-pre-pregnancy jeans 3.5 months after giving birth and STILL not being able to pull them up over my thighs. Goodbye, carbs!

So... does anyone know of a way to find some great at-home fitness tips? I don't have the money for a gym membership, and there aren't many good shows on the Fit channel during the times I can exercise.

Push Through

2009-10-22T10:58:00.000-07:00

I thought I had done a great job in avoiding this sickness that's been going around. Nearly everyone I know has been sick and gotten over it, so I thought I was in the clear.

Boy, was I wrong! Despite the frequent hand-washing, avoiding touching my face, washing and re-washing sheets & pillowcases, some sort of bug has decided to unpack its bags and set up shop in my immune system. Which is just great, because I have a weak immune system. Make yourselves comfortable, nasty bugs, because you're gonna be here for a while.

I don't feel too horrible (yet), but last night I was up with a migraine caused by the congestion. Thankfully the migraine is gone now, but I had to take the day off work. My first sick day since maternity leave. I can't help but think there should have been something I could do - I should have pushed myself harder and gone to work anyway. Even though I know there is no way in hell I would have been able to stare at a computer monitor for 5 hours without puking, I still feel guilty. Why is that?

In happier news, I was able to record video (on my cell phone - hence crappy quality) of Sofia's first laughter the other day. It was uplifting to say the least. Something so uninhibited and genuinely happy... it made my day. My week, really.

I've Got Answers

2009-10-17T19:45:00.000-07:00

Outside my window... I see lights from faraway houses reflecting on the calm lake between us.

I am thinking... about going to bed soon, and that it's been such a long time since I've had an evening massage. Having 2 children really changes things.

I am thankful for... having a family that works as a team. We talk out our problems and we work through our rough patches logically - whether they be emotional, financial, parental or otherwise. I remind myself every day of how lucky I am to be married to a sweet, loving, and understanding person with whom I have so much in common.

In my kitchen... the cabinets are screaming for some paint and the appliances ache to be replaced. I could really use a dishwasher, too, but I won't get greedy.

I am wearing... grey athletic pants, a green tank, and Jason's WMU hoodie.

I am creating... a comfortable, clean home for my family. It's a daily work in progress which will probably never end.

I am going... to force myself to be more motivated in the exercise department. A little cardio every day will be good for me, and I feel better when I'm more active - which will hopefully result in getting back down to my pre-pregnancy size.

I am reading... Touch Points by Dr. Brazelton. Re-reading, actually. Highly recommended to parents of children 3 and under.

I am hoping... we are able to get a Wii sometime in the next few months. Our family deserves it, and I think it would be fun for Tiegan & help her to feel included. Also, the Wii Fit would really help me with the weight/fitness issue I have.

I am hearing... The race on TV, the dull roar of the furnace from the basement, and Jason snoring on the couch.

Around the house... are random items lying around and bare walls that do not reflect my personality whatsoever. I believe you can learn a lot about someone from their home, but from mine, you would get the wrong impression of me.

One of my favorite things right now... is being with my family. I spend plenty of time with the girls, but what I really love is when Jason is home for the weekend. Not only do I enjoy our leisure time together, I also get some help from him with the girls so I can get housework done.

A few plans for the weekend... Lounging around and enjoying our last day off before the start of the new work week. Maybe going out and grabbing a few pumpkins for us to carve - nothing fancy.

A picture to share...

The view from my front yard. This is what I see out my living room sliding door every day. Another thing that hardly ever fails to put a smile on my face.

The New Sarah Bernhardt

2009-10-15T12:11:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I feel like I have the smartest, most well-mannered 3.5 year old on Earth.
She says "please" and "thank you" most of the time.
She offers a helping hand when chores need to be done.
She is learning to read and write at an incredible rate.
She is sweet and helpful with her baby sister.
She reminds me & Jason (when she's not mad at us) that she loves us THIIIISSSSS much.
When asked to help, she usually jumps on the task with excitement.

Other times, I feel like I have the most ill-behaved 3.5 year old on Earth.
This is an exaggeration, I'm sure, but I can't describe how quickly I've been losing my patience with her lately. Several days in a row now, I've had to resort to sending her to her room until she's calmed down. This is a new development. I'm not used to having to be such a disciplinarian. I can't say I love the job, but it is exactly that.

She melts down about the littlest things. Usually it's about making her do something she didn't want to, or making her stop doing something she was enjoying. And then once she's upset, she eggs herself on by finding other little things to whine (scream uncontrollably) about.

Example: The other day I put her in her room after a good solid hour of her screaming and crying about... well, I really don't remember, to be honest. After 10 minutes she herself has forgotten what the original problem was.
So, she was in her room forcing herself to make awful noises and grunts and whines so the tears would keep flowing. I stood outside her door, listening:
"WHY are my SANDALS up here in my ROOOoOoOooOooOOOOOMMMM-uh???" (repeat x3)
"I didn't WANT my nightlight onnnNNNNnNnNNNNnn-uh!!!" (repeat x5)
"I want my MOMMMMYYYYYYYY!!!" (repeat x3)
So, I finally take a deep breath, and go in to check on her.
"NO - Get out of my room, I'm MAD at you!"

Drama. Queen.

She's lucky she's pretty.

I Blame it On The Hormones.

2009-10-14T13:09:00.001-07:00

My warm, soft little baby is growing bigger by the second and there's nothing I can do about it! AAAHHH!! My worst nightmare!

Thankfully she still loves to snuggle. I can only hope she won't outgrow that too soon. I need it. On the other hand, though, I don't want to rely on her too much to always be my baby. The dreaded fate of the youngest child.

I do admit I look forward to all the adorable (and amazing) 1st-year milestones. So much happens in those 12 short months. I have promised myself not to let that time fly past me unrecognized. It will be gone forever before I know it, and I will miss cradling this soft, snuggly, warm baby in my arms.

A little bit of this and that.

2009-10-12T10:39:00.000-07:00

Here comes the "I need to blog more often but don't have much to say" post. The one where I list the random unimportant things that have been on my mind just to get a post out there, for fear of totally losing my will to blog.

My headaches have become more frequent. Thankfully they've only been more of a nuisance; not quite paralyzing like usual.
Jason got his first set of contacts the other day, and has been spending at least 1 hour on them in the morning, and another hour before bed. It's cute. I love that I can see his gorgeous eyes and enormous lashes now.
I have really been wanting a sewing machine. I always make these promises to myself that I will be more crafty, will recycle/refurbish fabrics more often, but I never do. Now I just have to decide what I'd rather have when the money comes my way - a new Blackberry, a Wii, or a sewing machine?
Desperate Housewives is my crack. I am so addicted. A couple weeks ago I started watching reruns on Lifetime at 3pm every day after work. Then I missed a couple episodes and thought I'd see if I could find a place to watch them online. Once I was caught up again (still season 1), I didn't want to stop. I now watch eps on the laptop every evening and have no idea what I'm going to do when I'm all caught up to the current episodes and have to wait a WHOLE WEEK between shows. (That is where the sewing machine or Wii could come in handy).
I still really, really like my job. I can't stress enough how enjoyable it is to work at a place where I'm trusted and respected as an equal. It really feels like a team effort. As some of you who may have followed my writing in the past, you know that this is a huge improvement from my last newspaper job. Plus, it's kind of fun looking through the newspaper and being able to tell your friends, "See that full-page ad? I designed it!"
I'm dreading winter. I know so many people say this, but I'm really - REALLY dreading it. For a lifetime Michigander, I sure do hate the cold more than you'd think. I've never been diagnosed but I think I may have SAD (aka Seasonal Affective Disorder). During the colder months I am not only irritable but unmotivated, cranky and borderline depressed. I have no energy and I feel clumsy. And it doesn't help that my hair turns to straw and my skin to sandpaper when the temperature drops below 50. The only things that get me through are the excitement of seeing Tiegan play in the snow, and of course cute boots on sale. Anyone out there feel the same? I hope we get one last kick of warmish weather before the Earth starts to freeze.
My mom is making Tiegan's halloween costume. I saw a draft yesterday. I'm so stoked to show everyone photos after Halloween - hopefully she enjoys wearing it! It will be really special because my Mom always made our Halloween costumes as kids, and we still have them to this day. I plan on keeping the ones she makes for my daughters, too, so they can pass them down.

Time to pick up Sofia. Tiegan has dance class on Monday evenings, which Grandma Judy takes her to. She has so much fun there. I'm glad she's able to have that outlet. But since I'm not there, I really wonder how she behaves. Not that it's a huge concern, but lately she has been very emotional/whiny. Really, since Sofia was born. I am starting to see the connection. Hm....

To Pay or Not to Pay

2009-10-07T10:39:00.000-07:00

I will preface this by saying I don't know much about insurance. Any form of insurance.

Like, the most I know about insurance is that you pay a certain monthly amount based on your history and likelihood of disaster, and if a disaster should happen, the insurance company will pay a portion of your bills to fix said disaster.

We just got a new car a few months ago. When we got the new car, we switched to Progressive for both cars.

Now, they are telling us that they decided to charge an extra $30/month because Jason doesn't have health insurance. Oh, and by the way, they are going to need that same $30/month for the last 3 months, upfront for the next bill. Next week.

Why in the world would they decide that NOW? And why in the world would they suddenly spring it on us that they are charging us retroactive for the past 3 months? And WHY in the world does it even MATTER if he has health insurance or not? They didn't bring it up when we acquired this plan 3 months ago. It wasn't part of the application process. I'm not sure I understand why they suddenly changed their minds.

I am of the opinion that one would tend to drive more carefully if they don't have health insurance. Because hospital bills are a lot harder to pay without health insurance. And vehicle insurance companies like to see you driving safely so that you don't get in a crash. So they don't have to pay for your car to get fixed. So they can keep all your money like the greedy bloodsuckers they are.

Right?

Contents Under Pressure

2009-10-01T19:52:00.000-07:00

I think the wee one might be cutting a tooth already. She's only 2 months old! OK... 2 and a half... but still, what babies have you known to cut teeth that soon? I'm trying to remember when Tiegan's first tooth popped through, and I'm thinking it was around 4-5 months. Everyone's different I guess.

My first clue was that Sofia has been chomping on her fingers lately, and is flooding the house with drool. When Jason brought the girls home from his grandma's today, he said Judy mentioned she thinks Sofia's teething. Now knowing I'm not the only one having those thoughts, I stuck my finger in there and felt around for myself. I can't be certain but it feels like there's a tooth just aching to poke out on the top. She gleefully chewed on a cold, wet washcloth this evening. So, we'll see.

Gosh, it's a little sad that the most exciting story I have to tell you is that my baby chewed on a washcloth today. You are all so riveted, I just know it!

I did have a migraine today. Life-leeching, evil monstrosities are what they are.

Thankfully I don't get them very often anymore (as a kid I would get at least one per week). But when I do, I'm down for the count. When I feel one coming on, please hole me up in a cool, dark, quiet room with a comfy bed, an ice pack, a puke bucket and lots of pain killers for 6 hours and maybe - just MAYBE - I will come out of it not wanting to jab a fork in my eye. Oh, and don't forget the cell phone for calling 911 because I'm positive that nothing in the world (besides giving birth) could ever be this painful and I'm absolutely GOING TO DIE if I vomit one more time. Because 17 isn't enough. And why don't we throw in a lung, for good measure. You don't need both of them, right?

I have endless sympathy for those that experience the same thing. That kind of misery should be reserved solely for those who commit terrible crimes. Screw the death penalty - give them migraines!

Hibernate.

2009-09-28T16:14:00.000-07:00

Today has been a perfect hibernation day, which is exactly what I've been doing (since I got out of work, of course). Sofia & I had a nice little nap together on the couch. It's windy as hell, and there's a chilly rain coating the town. That sound is wonderful. I turned off the TV and we let the wind and the rain shhhhh us to sleep.

My schedule has been shifted. I used to work 9am-2pm, but now I work 8am-1pm. Such a small change, but what a big difference it makes in my life. When I leave work, I feel like I've already done so much... but I still have the entire day left ahead of me. Even though I don't get as much sleep, I feel like my days have been stretched out for me and that's heaven sent.

Now if only I could actually muster the motivation to use all that precious time given to me for things like cleaning & laundry, it would be top notch around here. Trying not to feel guilty for things like... oh, say, afternoon naps on the couch with my 2 month old baby. I could be cleaning, but is that better than snuggling a baby?

That's what I thought.

In another random thought process...
I decided my next big-ish purchase will be a digital video device. Since the disappearance of my mini camcorder, I have really been feeling awful about not capturing any video in the past year - especially Sofia's birth and newborn-ness. It really hit me the other day when Tiegan read her first book, cover to cover ON HER OWN, that we are missing precious milestones here.

So, it might take a couple paychecks to save up the extra money, but I am trying to decide between a Flip Mino or a standard point-&-shoot camera that takes good video clips. We wouldn't really record for long periods of time, so either of these would be perfect. I already have the digital SLR for still photos, but it's quite a brick to lug around when we have both kids and just want snapshots during our outings. That's why I'm thinking maybe a point-&-shoot, that way we have another option for photos as well as videos when we're on the go.

Photo quality is key, though.

So... photographer buds... any suggestions?

Meditate.

2009-09-20T19:30:00.000-07:00

Things I Cannot Take For Granted, Ever:

Having a washer/dryer, especially with a baby in the house.
Drawn-out hugs.
Jugs of ice-cold drinking water at the ready.
Having over 200 channels on TV.
Time to myself & the use of headphones in the evening.

That last one is really what prompted this entry. This evening I went to pandora.com and plugged in. At night after the girls have gone to sleep, and Jason is usually either watching a movie or playing video games, it's the perfect time for me to retreat deep into my own mind. And that's just what I can do when I crank up the volume so my music is literally all I can hear. For a little while each evening, it's just me and my thoughts. And even though I cherish time spent with my family, I value that retreat I'm able to have every day.

It's a place where I can rescue my sanity. I can think about how I can improve upon myself tomorrow. About how I feel, and why I feel that way. Or maybe I can think about nothing at all for a change.

One [Little] Happy Family

2009-09-19T04:52:00.000-07:00

I could just kick myself for the number of times I've picked up my camera in the past few weeks. I don't know if I've lost the inspiration, or I get so busy and plum forget.

But the girls were being too cute to forget last night...

(Smiling at her Daddy)

Tiegan has this thing where she can't take a serious or nice picture with me. Every time I turn the camera around to take a picture of us together, she makes a goofy face. So I guess I just have to play along, and it can be our thing.

Speaking of things I should be doing more often (like taking pictures), I need to be taking the girls out more. These gorgeous early-autumn days are not going to last long and I want to take advantage. I'm fully capable of taking them places on my own, but it really helps to have Jason around. Not to mention it's nice to spend time together as a family (of 4!! I'm still in shock).

J has been really interested in acting lately. He's slated to start shooting an indie film in a couple of weeks, and has lined up several more auditions. This will monopolize his weekends for a long time. I'm so happy that he is getting the chance to do something he really enjoys, but I'm also a little disappointed that it means less time with me & the girls. The guy deserves a break, though. He has worked so hard every day to keep our family happy & healthy, and is always looking for ways to improve upon himself. So instead of looking at his film hobby as taking away from his family time (and subsequently becoming jealous of said hobby), I will remember that it means more quality time for ME & the girls.

Speaking of which, I can really, really relate to Heather Armstrong's latest blog entry. I mean - even if you're not a MommyBlog reader, you should still follow this chick. She's an amazing writer and I'm almost embarrassed to admit that sometimes I've been a couple minutes late leaving for work because I just couldn't pull myself away from my Blog Reader in the morning when she's written a good, long, juicy entry.

This afternoon we're taking Tiegan to get her blood drawn. They will be testing for allergies. That's better than the 20-pokes-in-the-back-and-lie-still-for-an-hour method, but I still cringe at the thought of someone sticking a needle in my little girl's arm. I'm trying to think of something that we can do afterward to lift her spirits. I'm open to suggestions.

4 & Going Strong.

2009-09-16T13:04:00.000-07:00

For our 4th anniversary, Jason and I left the girls with his parents from Saturday to Sunday. It was my first night away from Sofia, which was verrry strange. We left early in the morning Saturday, dropped the girls off, and headed up to Gladwin, MI for a little R&R at J's parents' camper. They have a little property up there near Pratt's lake and they just keep their 5th wheel up there year-round.

We spent most of the day Saturday just dinking around downtown Gladwin and skipped over to Bay City for a little while, too.

It's a good thing I picked up a catalog of attractions in Bay City while we were at a rest stop on the way up North, because I found this cool little car museum we probably never would have found from just driving/walking around town. I love finding things we can both enjoy. Car museums and arcades are at the top of the list. Believe it or not, we both kinda dig antique stores too, which there are PLENTY of in that area.

We found a sweet Bel Air that we fell in love with. If we ever run into a huge amount of money, we'd love to collect cars - this being one of them.

And this one, which has been one of my loves for quite some time (any guesses?)

We found this antique store in Bay City which claims to be the biggest antique store in Michigan. Pretty cool. There was toonnnssss of architectural salvage, and a whole room with practically nothing but old street signs. Piles of them.

We found a "Smith St." but didn't buy it because it was attached to another one. Boo hoo.

And more...

We brought a slew of movies with us to watch on the laptop if we happened to get bored in the camper at night.

We did get bored. However, there was only enough power provided by the marine battery we brought with us to power the lights - not the electrical outlets. So we played a few games of Yahtzee and called it a night.

Snuggling up with Jason in bed, I found myself getting really homesick. I was surprised. Up until this point, I was really glad to have had a nice little getaway from the Real World. But there I was, missing my bed at home and the whirr of my fan and the breeze off the lake and the grunts of my 2 month old wiggling around in the bassinet and the whispers of my 3 year old asking me to take her to the bathroom at 2 o'clock in the morning.

We did finally fall asleep, though, after very briefly considering packing up and driving all the way home at 10pm (a 3 hour drive) just because we missed it so much. Yeah. THAT much.

As expected, my internal clock woke me up at 3am, when Sofia usually wants her night-time bottle. It was strange waking up to complete silence. Lonely.

We packed up and left at about 7am the next morning. We stopped for breakfast at Blue Moon Cafe once we were back in town and picked up the girls. It was like I hadn't seen them in weeks. I didn't miss them so much that it ruined my weekend. We still had a pretty fabulous day & night to ourselves (although Mother Nature had to visit me just in time for us to leave town - THANKS, APPRECIATE IT!!).

Catching Up

2009-09-14T19:17:00.000-07:00

The girls both had doctor's appointments last week - Tiegan's 3.5 yr, and Sofia's 2 month checkup.

We ended up spending 3 ridiculously long hours at the pediatrician's office, catching up on the past year of Tiegan's life, and the past 2 months of Sofia's, because she hadn't been seen since birth (long story - some other time).

The overall outcome of the appointment is that they're both pretty healthy, but there are some things to check out & keep an eye on. Sofia is the picture of health except for a tiny bit of a heart murmur. Tiegan has had one since birth, too. These are generally benign and go away on their own, but given a family history of serious heart defects, we need to keep a close eye on them. It runs in Jason's maternal side as far back as he knows. His grandmother has had valve replacement, and he and his mother were born with defective valves. We are still coming to terms with the fact that he will have to have open heart surgery at some point in his life, and has already been hospitalized at ages 23 and 25. He had a friend that dropped dead on a softball field because of this same valve malfunction. So, I'm totally OK with being a nervous nellie and keeping a close eye on their hearts from an early age so we know their athletic limits. They both have appointments with a University of Michigan cardiologist next month.

Tiegan had negative pressure in her right ear and failed a hearing test, which explains why she is always turning her head to listen to people/tv/music etc. The pediatrician thinks it may be due to inflamed sinus cavities from allergies, and put her on daily Claritin. If that doesn't reduce the swelling in her head, then she will need tubes in her ears. We'll find out in 1 month if the Claritin has done its job. Cross your fingers.

Tiegan had 1 vaccination and Sofia had 3. They were both hilarious. I had prepped myself for the worst emotional rollercoaster of my life, having to watch both my babies go through that pain. Tiegan was a breeze - right after the poke, she said, "Ow. HEY, that hurt!" And that was that. She whimpered for a minute but was given a lollipop right away and thankfully the A.D.D. I passed down to her worked in diverting her attention. ;)

Sofia was even funnier. For her first shot, she just grunted. Like she was hunkering down and putting on her big girl panties to deal with the pain. HHRRNNNGGG. She cried a little for the second 2, but as soon as I picked her up she was fine.

Crisis averted.

I'm glad that trip is over with, but we're not out of the woods yet. I still have to take Tiegan to have some bloodwork done. Allergy testing. Should be interesting. Now that she remembers having shots, she HATES needles. I may need some advice on how to emotionally prep a 3-year-old for willingly being poked AGAIN.

The Middle Man

2009-09-14T13:18:00.000-07:00

Right up there on my list of Top 10 Worst Feelings is being stuck in the middle of an argument. One that just goes on... and on... and on.

And today, I remove myself from that position.

My sister & her two boys (not that far off from the ages of my 2 girls) have recently moved back in with my parents. Things are extremely tense over at that house.

I used to enjoy bringing my girls over for long, leisurely visits at my parents' house. Now it's just short of a 3-ring circus over there, and tempers are constantly flaring. Not only do I hate being in that kind of environment (I used to sit on my bed and cry when Sis and Dad would scream at each other back in the day), I resent the fact that they all come to me separately to complain about each other instead of sitting down together and having civilized conversations about what they disagree on.

Today was the last straw for me. I've been dealing with it for months now and letting it roll off my back, although it saddens me to see my family at each other's throats. (Can't we all just get along?) I was over picking up my girls from their house this afternoon. I don't know the whole story, but while I was there, I heard that my sister fell asleep in my mom's car in a parking lot and someone called paramedics. My dad went to go pick her up. Mom & I were waiting to hear what happened once they got home, and what do you know - they walked in the door screaming and hollering and cursing at each other about who-knows-what.

Tiegan looked at me, her eyes begging me to make it stop... and my heart just broke into a million pieces. She is so sensitive to her environment and I could tell she just wanted the fighting to end. Just like I did when I was a little girl. I told Sis & Dad they were going to have to cool it or I was taking my girls home.

Sure enough, they kept right at it so I told Tiegan I was sorry but she had to get her shoes on. Within 5 minutes we were out the door. While we were leaving, my sister said (loudly enough for my parents to hear), "Thanks for visiting my JAIL CELL." Very mature. And with that, I washed my hands.

Don't get me wrong, it's not a violent place by any means. Things are just extremely tense over there and my sister & dad are so much alike (and STUBBORN) that they butt heads every time they talk.

This is the last time I will speak of the situation again. I'm so OVER being stressed about it. Maybe they will sort out their differences and we can enjoy being a family again. Or maybe things will never smooth over again. I don't know. All I can do is concentrate on my own life, and cling to the wonderful family Jason & I have created. I am so glad I have that.

Yours & Mine

2009-09-10T04:41:00.001-07:00

Today marks the fourth year that Jason & I have been married.

On this day in 2005, there was plenty of sun and the temperature had to have been in the low 80's. I think it was our very last gorgeous summer day of that year.

Jason & I were already living together, and I was a few months pregnant... so just for fun, my bridesmaids and I spent the night at my parents' house the night before the wedding. It was that night - at about 2am while I was lying awake in bed - that I felt those first flutters of baby movement in my belly. Such a special memory for me. I knew what it was right away and felt like waking the whole house up to tell everyone. But I kept it to myself and let them sleep.

Luckily at the time I wasn't showing very much yet and was able to wear the wedding dress I had picked out several months earlier.

I knew Jason had a surprise for me for after the wedding, but I had no idea what it would be. He even gave me a clue that it had something to do with the getaway vehicle... I was still stumped. I don't have time now, but soon I will find the picture of the look on my face when I finally saw my surprise:

Details I remember from our wedding...

My mom bought me a $100 tiara/headband several months before the wedding, along with my wedding dress. When we went to pick out the bridesmaids dresses later, I found one that I liked better. My mom bought that one too, and it's the one I wore. I still have both - the first one even has the tag on it.
My legs/ankles were covered in mosquito bites/scars and I was so worried I wouldn't photograph well during the garter shots.
Minutes before the wedding was to start, I was walking around the dressing room and realized that the seamstress had done a HORRIBLE job taking up the length of my dress. I was tripping all over it. Luckily the skirt was just 14 layers of tulle and my mom and godmother were able to trim it up with scissors and nobody noticed.
I wore white ballet slippers so I wouldn't appear taller than Jason at the altar.
I didn't get to spend much time with Jason at the reception (which was at Bullinger's). We kept getting called to different areas and practically the only time we actually saw each other was when we danced, and during the garter bit.
Jason let his friend Tim and his girlfriend crash at OUR HOUSE on our WEDDING NIGHT because they were too drunk to drive.
The groomsmen were in charge of blowing out all the candles after the wedding. They forgot, and our unity candle set the flowers around it on fire.
My mom and I made all the bouquets by hand, using silk flowers. They were made of hydrangeas and long grasses.
During the ceremony, Jason and I had our eyes fixed on each other. We barely looked away. I couldn't stop smiling. My face hurt by the end of the evening.
During our first dance at the reception, it was the same thing. We kept staring at each other and giggling... and there was lots of kissing.
Our photographer was weird. He didn't take many candid pictures of US; instead he took lots of photos of my friend Sarah and her DD rack, the people from our church that he knew, and Jason's grandpa making out with his wife on the dance floor.

It was a wonderful day - a little rushed, but wonderful. I am so glad to have committed to the man I know was meant for me. Our whole lives had been leading up to that one night that we saw each other again for the first time - I just know it.

The Meaning of True Love

2009-09-07T19:24:00.001-07:00

Tonight, as I was running my fingers through Jason's hair and trying to sleep, I came to a realization.

He must really love me.

Of course I knew this, but I was suddenly hit in the face with this moment of clarity, all starting with something incredibly superficial.

My mind really wanders to strange and random places when I'm lying in bed trying to sleep. Tonight I was imagining what my life would be like if Jason & I had waited to get married & have children. I thought about how wrapped up in each other we were back in 2005, when we first got together again. For those of you who don't know the back story, we dated briefly when I was 16 and he was 19. He had gone back to college at WMU and I didn't hear from him for 2 weeks, after which I decided to break up with him via e-mail. I know, cold on both ends! Suddenly, 4 years later, and me on my way to getting married to a guy in the Navy & moving to South Carolina (or wherever he was to be stationed), Jason called me out of the blue & invited me to a party he was having.

I almost didn't go. I thought "hey, I'm engaged, and it would look bad if I was off at some other guy's party." Later that night, I hopped out of bed and said what the hell. I'm going to have fun.

The second I pulled into Jason's driveway and saw him again for the first time, I fell hard. We both did. I went into hiding for the next couple weeks to avoid the inevitable. Here I was, making wedding plans with a guy, and falling for someone else. It was like the moment I saw Jason again, my whole life was like a globe that had been whirled around by some random passerby and I had no idea which direction I was facing anymore. During those couple weeks, Jason called me non-stop. He extended several invitations to come over and chat. I denied, denied, denied. I needed time to think my life over.

One might think he was totally obsessed and borderline insane for the number of times he called, and how often he filled my voicemail to the point where I would have to delete messages to make room.

As much as I tried to avoid the situation, I just kept falling harder.

I finally agreed to come over and talk. I remember very vividly - I was on the couch and he was sitting on the floor in front of me. I stared into his eyes. Couldn't stop. They were stunning. They pulled me in. It was then that I broke things off with my fiance and started moving in with Jason. It all happened very fast.

I can't describe to you how comfortable I am with him. I have been from day 1. I can tell him anything. He quickly became my best friend before we became a "couple" again, and I think that's imperative. He will always be my best friend. I know this because it happened naturally. I didn't have to take time to settle in and feel my way around our boundaries and comfort zones. We just fit, instantly.

SO, now that you know the back story, I'll go on with what I came here to say. Something way less interesting than all of that. (Sorry.)

As I was running my fingers through Jason's hair, I thought about how I gave him a haircut recently. I remembered admiring the snazzy job I did & saying that I should start charging guys for haircuts. Then I quickly dismissed that idea because I wouldn't feel comfortable touching another guy's hair. Comfortable. Comfort. Then I thought - HEY - comfort. Jason must have been really comfortable with me to ask me if I'd cut his hair.

You're like - so what?

I'll tell you what. It's a big deal because he's very picky about his hair. I often tease him about being borderline metro. Sometimes he can be surprisingly conscious of his appearance.

This being the case, I got to thinking that he must really trust me. I mean of course he trusts me - but regular "marriage trust" and "clippers, razors and scissors trust" are totally different things. If he "clippers, razors and scissors" trusts me, that must mean he REALLY LOVES ME.

All Smiles.

2009-09-02T11:29:00.000-07:00

Seeing this as the wallpaper on my phone every time I go to use it gives me the biggest grin. My 2 ladies really are the light(s) of my life.

Sofia's hair is starting to grow back on top, ever so slightly. I remember Tiegan lost most of her hair on top, and it took months to grow back. She had that "old man" hairline for the longest time.

Miss Q is learning how to pull hair. It was cute at first, like if she was resting her head up on my shoulder - she'd hang onto my hair gently almost if it made her feel more secure. Now, she pulls. HARD. I forgot how strong babies can be!

8 weeks Friday. Can you believe it? In ways I can, and in ways I can't. Jason and I were just discussing this - sometimes it feels like I was just pregnant the other day, but other times it feels like it's been a long time. Like I've said before, it feels like Sofia has been a part of our lives forever - we just had to make her a reality. Only 8 weeks old and we already know her so well. The 2nd time around really helps you to realize that each baby, even this young, has his/her own very unique personality.

I was emailing my sister with a life update the other day and found myself gushing about how wonderful everything is. I didn't really expect to brag, but that's what it felt like I was doing. My only big complaint is about these extra 20 lbs. I'm hanging on to, and that I don't feel comfortable in any of my clothes. Everything else overshadows that, though, so it doesn't worry me so much. Not like it did last time. I cried every night for months after I had Tiegan - I know that sounds so superficial, but it wasn't just that. I didn't feel comfortable in my own skin. Not only did nothing fit, but my skin was literally sore. No one had told me my body would never go back to "normal." No one warned me to be prepared for that. This time I was prepared, which is probably a big part of the reason I'm not so bothered.

That, and the hopes that someday I will get a tummy tuck. ;)

The Eldest

2009-08-31T05:25:00.000-07:00

This weekend went by too fast for my taste.

Or maybe I just feel like we wasted it yelling at/scolding Tiegan.

She was totally out of her element the past couple days. I was shocked at how much she misbehaved. We tried all the classic tricks: diverting her attention when she threw tantrums, making a game out of picking up toys when she said it was too hard... but none of it worked.

The past few weeks I've been feeling a little guilty that I have to be more attentive to Sofia, but this weekend was just the opposite. Jason and I were both constantly on Tiegan about this and that, and Sofia just sat sweetly in her swing for most of the day, except for being fed and changed. I think Miss T is reaching out for attention in all the wrong ways.

For example...

She was pushing around her toy stroller. And flinging it up in the air, coming close to breaking things and hitting people in the head. I asked her not to pick her stroller up in the air - just push it on the floor.

She stopped, locked her eyes with mine, and picked her stroller up in the air. As if to say, "What are you gonna do about it?" Practically ASKING to be scolded. This was just one of many incidents like it.

I feel like we're doing the right things, but it will probably just take a while to catch on. We're trying to teach Tiegan that getting in trouble is the wrong way to seek attention. I guess it's just a delayed sibling jealousy reaction. I say this because she only seems to want attention when Sofia's fussy. She asks for food when Sofia's getting a bottle. She needs help going potty when Sofia's getting a diaper change. Classic call signs.

Don't misunderstand - Tiegan LOVES her sister. She sings to her, holds her hand, and gets her to smile all the time. We just have to remind her that no one could ever take her place.

LG to Q to BB

2009-08-29T16:57:00.001-07:00

It's funny that I had to time-travel backwards in order to get up to speed with the modern age.

A while back, my mom gave me her old cell phone (going on 3 years) thinking I could sell it or maybe even use it as a backup if one of my phones ever broke, since hers was on the same network as what I use now. I put it in a drawer and saved it for a rainy day, not really thinking I'd need it, or that anyone would buy it since it was so old.

Recently the day came that I finally got sick of my phone constantly malfunctioning in annoying little ways. So I dug the Q out of that drawer and took it to the Alltel store to see if it was worth switching. Apparently, even though it's a 3 year old phone, it was still much better than the much newer phone I was using. Interesting, especially since phones are pretty much obsolete these days after a few months of use.

I'm now enjoying my new (old) phone and am still marveling that I had to dig something out of the past to catch up to my peers. Well, sort of. The phone's software is so old that I can't install the Facebook app. I'll probably upgrade to a BB in a few months anyway. You know me... always drooling over the latest in technology.

My only question is... do I want a standard Blackberry or the Storm? Decisions, decisions.

How to be Cool

2009-08-27T04:51:00.000-07:00

Last Saturday, Jason's mom took the girls to Youth Day at her credit union. They had all kinds of goodies for kids, and pony rides, and moonwalks. I think it's pretty safe to say Tiegan had a blast.

She came home with some plastic hipster shades and a blow-up guitar that she won.

She has got to be the rockin'est 3 year old in town. Especially with the daddy she has...

Psst. The guitar is just for show, people. He hopes to take lessons someday. He's been saying that since we've been married. Which, by the way, will be 4 years on September 10th.

The only year we actually went out and celebrated our anniversary I believe was our first - and we went go-kart racing. HOW INFINITELY COOL IS THAT. Any suggestions for this year?

Round & Round She Goes

2009-08-25T12:12:00.000-07:00

I did it! I captured a "first"! I was so worried that with being back to work only 3 weeks after giving birth, I would miss out on many of Sofia's first milestones, like graduating to bigger bottles from the [adorable] 4-5 oz. bottles, first roll-over, first cooing sounds, and most importantly... first smiles.

I've seen her grin before, but this was the biggest "real" smile I've seen yet. So I'm calling it a first. The funny thing is, I didn't even know she was doing it. I was only trying to snap a picture of the 2 of us together from my phone, to send to Jason. I totally missed my own face but got a great shot of Sofia. It wasn't until I reviewed the picture on my phone that I realized she was smiling so huge. She was staring at the ceiling fan. I looked down at her and saw that she was still grinning from ear to ear.

So my daughter is obsessed with ceiling fans.

Come Together... Right Now

2009-08-23T19:09:00.000-07:00

I. Just. Love. snuggling this little lady. I know, I say that a lot. But I could hold her all day long if I didn't have stuff to do.

Luckily, I can put her down when I need to. She is such a content baby thus far. She rarely whines and if she does, it's for good reasons like... oh, HUNGER or POOP.

Otherwise, she will happily chill wherever you put her. We are sooo lucky, and I really hope I didn't just jinx it by writing about it, like you jinx a no-hitter by mentioning it before the game's over.

This weekend went by a little faster than I would have liked, but I'm still looking forward to working tomorrow. I really can't relate when people say things like, "who doesn't hate their job?"

I remember working at the Town Crier (when it was the Town Crier) as Advertising Manager, wishing I didn't have so much responsibility. All I wanted to do was sit in a corner somewhere and design all day. That's what I was best at. Now that's my reality and I'm pretty happy about it. Like I was saying in the previous entry, we have a pretty good balance in our lives now between work and family and things are really starting to come together.

Friends of Friends of Friends

2009-08-22T12:39:00.001-07:00

Has it really been since TUESDAY that I've posted?

Clearly, my priorities are all out of whack. I'm spending way too much time with my family.

I kid!

Sofia is growing to be quite the bald little chubbins. She's 6 weeks old already. Mothers always say that, don't we? "Oh the time is flying so quickly!" In fact, I can believe it's been 6 weeks. In some aspects it feels longer - like she's been a part our lives forever.

Poor thing is losing her hair up top. She's just such a sweet lil' thang. Shortly after I took this picture, I got a smile out of her. I also have a picture of that, but it's taking forever to send to my e-mail from my phone. So, you'll just have to hold your horses on that one.

I went to my first Lia Sophia party last night.

To be honest, I used to avoid these like the plague (and still probably won't make a habit of going) because I hate being in high-pressure sales situations. I'm just not interested in becoming a Lia Sophia rep. I like my part-time job. I love the balance I have in my life right now. I also don't have extra money to blow and would feel guilty for attending a party but not buying anything.

But I thought, hey, what the heck. A good, clean evening out with the girls is something I needed. So I went with MacKenzie and Brittney and it turned out to be kinda nice. So I decided I'd host a party myself, on September 18. Now I just have to come up with a list of 30 people to invite by Monday. I don't even think I KNOW 30 people.

Top Ten Tuesday: The 2nd Child

2009-08-18T18:14:00.000-07:00

Today's Top Ten Tuesday is comprised of my favorite parts (so far) of having a 2nd child, and how much different it is than the 1st. I surprise myself by even writing this, because I never pictured myself as a mother of two. Just having Tiegan in our lives was more than we could have ever asked for. But... you'd be surprised how fiercely you can fall in love all over again.

The idea for this list struck me this evening while I was marveling at how much energy I have. Sure, I've had my moments of exhaustion and frustration since Sofia was born. But in comparison to how I was at this point after having Tiegan... well, there is no comparison.

The ability to stay cool & collected. I'm conditioned now. The crying doesn't phase me. I'm no longer freaked out by the unfamiliar shrieking sound. Rather, I sympathize (empathize?) with her sweet calls for help and savor the triumph of putting her at ease.
Love multiplies. Exponentially. Did you know it could do that? I didn't, until I had Sofia. I love Jason & Tiegan even more now, too.
That "new baby" smell. With the first baby, sure - the soothing scent of baby lotions and powders and all that is wonderful. But the smell of formula made me gag. Even worse than dirty diapers. This time, I don't mind the formula and spit-up. I'll just wipe it away and keep on snugglin'.
Postpartum adrenaline rush. I had a pretty tough recovery after I had Tiegan. I was out of commission for the better part of 2 weeks and it really got me down. Despite my 2nd labor being twice as long and rough, the recovery process was much faster & easier, which allowed me to dig right back into normal life.
The fun of sibling comparison. I love picking out the little likenesses I'm already seeing between Tiegan and Sofia. I'm also surprised and fascinated by their differences. It will be interesting to continue comparing them as they grow.
She seems light as a feather. The first time you carry around a baby all day, you probably think your arms are going to fall off and OH MY GOD you just can't WAIT to put that baby down. But after getting used to lugging around a 35 lb. bruiser of a 3 year old, it's a joy to snuggle an 8-pounder in the crook of your elbow. In fact, I'm way better at multi-tasking with a baby in my arm now. I can even text while feeding her a bottle. Not that texting even existed when Tiegan was born. (Did it?)
Knowing what we need. And more importantly, what we don't need. Knowing that we're not wasting money on useless baby trinkets is such great peace of mind.
Improved marriage & maturity. Jason brought this up, and it's a great point. Our communication skills have skyrocketed. We are finally on the same team. In the same concept, we have matured individually to the point where I think we're on the same page. We generally have the same interests and disinterests, and our time together is much more enjoyable. This is for many reasons, but I think the biggest factor is having a 2nd child together. We've had practice. Trial and error. We're getting it right.
Decreased stress. You'd think that stress would increase with being responsible for two lives. Nope. This point goes hand-in-hand with number one. Again - conditioning. I'm not constantly watching the clock, worrying about exactly what time Sofia needs to be fed/changed, and whether or not that will conflict with what everyone else is doing. This time I'm confident that I can just handle each moment as it flies at me, and I'm smart enough to figure it out. And it makes life so much more enjoyable.
Experiencing something new... again. Having a 2nd child isn't just the same ol' same ol'. There are so many new things happening this time around. We get to watch Tiegan's life be totally transformed by having a sister. Our lives are like an endless sitcom, trying to learn our way around... wondering if everything will all work out at the end of the day, and laughing hysterically through the calamity.

Feel free to join in and post your own Top Ten lists, every Tuesday! If you don't have a blog, feel free to write them in the comments here. I'd be interested to see what you come up with.

How to be Good

2009-08-16T12:00:00.000-07:00

Oh, appetite, where have you gone?

Not that I'm complaining entirely. Of course I'm loving that I don't have to worry about portions for weight-loss purposes. But it would be nice if SOMETHING sounded good to eat on occasion. At the grocery store, Jason kept picking up items and asking, "how about this?" or, "we could make ___ with ___, does that sound good?" and my answer would repeatedly be, "meh."

Speaking of the grocery store...

As we were strolling through, there was a mother with her daughter - I'm guessing oh, maybe 9 years old. The mother just stared into the meat refrigerator, continually ignoring the "mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy" spewing out of the girl's mouth. As a man came down the aisle to squeeze past them, the girl engaged him in a nonsensical jibberish conversation and put her arms out, blocking the aisle. I could tell he was obviously in a rush and was trying to tell the girl he needed to get by, without being rude. The mother continued to ignore her child, letting her stay in this man's way, even though anyone in a 20-foot radius could hear how frustrated the man was.

Should I have said something?

I wanted to, but I'm non-confrontational, so we went down a different aisle.

I couldn't believe how the mother just ignored her child for so long. I swear she was just looking at the meat, not even picking anything up... just staring like she was lost.

We ran across them a couple other times while grocery shopping, and it seemed to be the same story throughout the whole store - "mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy" and "ignore [blank stare] ignore [blank stare] ignore."

I swore I would never become one of those judgmental mothers, but... damn.

Better late than never

2009-08-15T16:18:00.000-07:00

We're going to take a photo of Sofia, in the same chair, at the same angle, with the same blanket, every month. I stole the idea from this fine lady, but unfortunately I can't say our photographic environment is nearly as spectacular.

I decided I was going to do this, oh, 3 weeks ago... which would have given me plenty of time to plan and prepare. But I found myself thinking "HOLY CRAP I'm late!" when realizing she was already 1 month + 3 days old. Oops.

So here is her 1 month + 3 day photo. I was in such a frazzled state I forgot to clear the clothes off the floor for the picture. Ah well... realism.

I've been more into that lately anyway.
Not the whole clothes on the floor thing - the realism.

Sometimes I try to get a perfectly framed, studio-looking shot of the girls, but recently I'm starting to like the more candid (yet still aesthetically pleasing photographically) snaps of life actually happening. I mean - the purpose of these photos is to help keep memories alive, right? So why not?

I haven't used our Boppy pillow for feeding Sofia for a while, and I saw my sister using hers to cradle her baby boy as he was resting... so I thought I would try it with Sofia. She's so small that she just got all scrunched up in the middle, so I flipped her to her tummy. And she LOVED it. We're going to have more tummy time with the Boppy from now on.

Intervention

2009-08-14T17:34:00.000-07:00

For a while (ever since I had Tiegan) I have been joking about getting a tummy tuck. I laugh with my Mom about how we could probably get a 2-for-1 deal if we went together.

I am not one of the lucky ones; I will never naturally go back to normal. Just imagine your skin enduring the torture - going from THIS:

to THIS:

In all seriousness, I actually am considering saving up my dough and taking the plunge for real.

I'll give myself a couple years to save and get back in shape, and then I'll see how I feel.
Just remember, folks - I can get back in shape all I want, but skin just doesn't shrink back.

Miss Spelling

2009-08-13T18:34:00.001-07:00

Something that, unfortunately, has been occupying the small space in my mind:
People who do nothing but complain about the things & people that affect their lives, but make no effort to change anything.

That being said, I will keep that part of this post short. I just have to get that bug out of my butt. I think about it a lot. Like WAY more than I should, with all the other important things I need to be thinking about... and it gets me down. My sister, a single mom of 2 boys (a 2 year old and 3 month old), recently moved back in with my parents. Ever since, they have been squabbling like we did when we were teenagers. My parents are only trying to help sis out of a tight jam, and if she can get through this short, rough part of her life, she will fly free and be better off.

I love time with my mom & sister. I miss our girls' days out and chats about life & motherhood. Sadly, it's been a little different these days. One of the worst feelings in the world is being caught in the middle of a tense situation between two loved ones. And that's where I've been. One constantly complaining to me about the other and vice versa.

I have my opinions about the situation but I've decided I'm just keeping my nose out of it. This is one of those things where I would be better off saving my energy. Now if I could only keep it off my mind somehow...

In other news,
I have been driving down the same road every day for almost a year since I've lived in this house. There has been the same house on this road, with the same "for rent" sign up in the yard, since I can remember. And I JUST NOW happened to notice it was misspelled.
Yes, it says:
"APPARTMENT FOR RENT."

Other sign misspellings I have taken note of recently in my community:
"Cooming soon: Los Tres Amigos - Mexican Restraunt"
"Need New Countertops? Lanimate & Granite"

I'm sure there are more. Doesn't that blow your mind? I know it does mine.

Also, I really really like my job. Especially when it keeps me busy.

Bleary

2009-08-10T04:43:00.000-07:00

Despite the trying day we had yesterday, wherein Jason & I would frequently look at each other and say something like, "Why is this so difficult?" we actually did enjoy ourselves overall.

I think here, Tiegan is doing her "I'm gonna go swimming" dance, or something:

And swim she did.

Sofia and I stayed inside and enjoyed the A/C. She did this while I got the dishes done:

I enjoyed looking out the door to see my loves having a grand ol' time in the water.

Later, the skies turned black. I didn't get any pictures - we were too busy rounding up the gang after seeing "Tornado Warning: Grass Lake" which is not too far from us. While I was rounding up candles and packing a diaper bag and getting squeamish at the thought of spending time in our dungeon/basement, Jason had the brilliant idea to head over to his grandma's. Their basement is a lot bigger and structurally sound than ours. Tiegan was a little freaked out because of how frantic we were, but I tried to let her know it was OK.

The dark skies and the heavy winds were freaking me out a little too, but it was kind of exciting. I've always been interested in big storms and Twister was my favorite movie for a long time. It's different when you have young children, though. All I could think about was getting them to safety. If it weren't for them, Jas & I probably would have just hung out at home to watch the action. If we were thinking about leaving, I probably would have have checked my hair & makeup first. Just sayin'.

The storms ended up passing and there was a rotation spotted in the sky but it never touched down, as far as I know. What a night for LeeAnn to have her baby!

Sofia slept last night from her bedtime bottle (10pm) until 5am! It was her 3rd night in the bassinet by herself and she did great. Yes, the first couple weeks we c0-slept. They say you shouldn't, but believe me, we slept with one eye open every night. It was the only way she'd actually sleep. So, being that I got the longest stretch of solid sleep that I've had since the Dark Ages, why am I more tired this morning than I have been since she was born? Figure that one out.

No Words.

2009-08-09T14:24:00.001-07:00

Three and a half... I'm not sure I like this age.

It's the age when INABILITY TO LISTEN kicks in.

Me: "Understand?"
Tiegan: "Yes."
Me: "What did I say?"
Tiegan: "Um... I couldn't hear you, can you say it louder?"

This is no rare occurrence at the Smith household. What a little snot, turning it around on me!

We have a saying around our house that we are all well versed in: "If it's not yours, don't touch it."
We created this phrase and made Tiegan very familiar with it, because she has boundary issues. (As does every other 3 year old on this planet, I'm sure). She has a habit of picking something up, or grabbing something out of your hands, before asking permission. For a while it wasn't so bad. But then I started having to say "Is that yours?"
"No."
"So, if it's not yours..."
and she would finish the sentence: "... don't touch it." And then she would shrug her shoulders and put it down. Or toss it carelessly on the floor. Ya know, whatever.

Something else that bothers me is that she actually will listen and abide by my requests for about 30 seconds once in a while, but then reverts right back to whatever naughty thing she was doing.

Thankfully the naughty things are limited to things like climbing onto the furniture the wrong way, playing with her food or not being quiet when asked. Not serious offenses. But it becomes annoying when I have to ask. Over. and Over. and Over.

I just feel awful, like I scold and bitch at her all day long. But what else am I supposed to do?

The First & Last Thing On My Mind

2009-08-08T17:23:00.000-07:00

Feels like everything is falling into place. It just keeps getting better & better.

Jason is settling into his new (better paying, I might add) job, and I'm back to work. We're figuring out a pretty good schedule with the girls and I'm even starting to lose all this extra weight already. I'm not holding my breath until I lose ALL of it, because I think I was probably a little underweight before.

I read something today that brought tears to my eyes. I know a lot of my Mommy friends are readers of Heather Armstrong's blog (aka Dooce). She posted the 3rd segment to her labor story with her most recent daughter, and a statement she made really tugged a heartstring of mine.

"I guess the hormones kicked in, or maybe it was the sharp contrast of going from that amount of pain to none at all, but I was totally high. Like, ten lines of cocaine high. HIGH. And that feeling was so strong and lasted so long that for two days straight all I did was stare at that baby and fall madly, deeply, ferociously in love."

Yes. Totally. She captured how I felt after Sofia was born - something I have not been able to put into words. I still feel that way. Completely swept up and overcome by this enormous amount of love. Not just for Sofia, but for all my family. My mother was right. When my 2nd daughter was born, I would not have to split myself to share with everyone - my love would only multiply.

I'm Back

2009-08-03T05:35:00.000-07:00

At the moment, I'm preparing to head to work for my first day back. I have to admit, it seems a little early yet. But I'm glad to be getting back out in the real world. I sure do miss my girls, though. It was especially hard saying goodbye to 3-week-old Sofia. At least we're not paying out the ass for our kids to be with total strangers.

Yesterday we went to the Lansing Lugnuts game. Outings are a little more work with 2 kids.

I had fun. And even though it was a LONG, sun-soaked day, I hope Tiegan did too. She seemed to enjoy it off & on, but baseball games are long and it was tough keeping her entertained. Thankfully it was kids' day at the ballpark & she got to run the bases after the game (along with Daddy and Sofia!). That gave her something to look forward to.

I have no idea what happened to her hair, but it was all kinds of jacked up by this point...

I'm going to have to teach Jason how to make, and FIX, ponytails. ;)

Mourning... but hope?

2009-08-01T18:46:00.000-07:00

Unlike certain people who just have all the luck in the world (you know who you are - I could smack you!), I still have a substantial amount of post-baby weight hanging on. It's not a LOT, but I was pretty... um, petite... to begin with. It's all in my midsection. Hello, muffin-top!

This is saddening. Not as saddening as my post-partum period with Tiegan, though, because that was a lot to get used to. My body was changing drastically for the first time and I pretty much had to say goodbye to my perfect tummy forever.

Let's just have a moment of silence for the perfect tummy.

(ca. 1998 - that's henna, not a tattoo)

(2005 - literally weeks before I was pregnant with Tiegan, maybe even days.. LOL)

My retail therapy trip this afternoon went surprisingly well despite the results. I didn't cry, and I didn't try on millions of pants, frustrating myself to no end in the process. I brought home one pair of jeans and one skirt, which is a little less than I had hoped for. But I knew if I kept trying things on and looking at myself in the mirror, I'd just get upset. It's nice to have a good pair of jeans that I don't have to fight with to put on. And that makes me happy. I didn't even spend too much time on that little number on the tag! You know, that dreadfully defining number. The one that magically goes UP about 3 notches for you when you enter a store like American Eagle or Hollister or PacSun. Ugh.

I have a few pre-pregnancy jeans that are not far behind - I just need to lose that fat on my hips... and my belly, which slightly resembles a helium balloon that's been floating around for weeks and has finally lost 90% of its contents but is now shriveled. My dear sweet husband claims he couldn't care less about that - and the butt and thighs are more than welcome to stick around, says he. Unfortunately, my body hasn't responded very well to the exercising I've been doing the past few days. I probably went a little gun-ho and started too early. Oops.

Anyone know where I can pick up a 19th century corset?

New & Improved Scarlet

2009-08-01T05:12:00.000-07:00

Because Sofia has been sleeping since her 5:30am bottle, and Tiegan is engrossed in Ruby & Max (I really can't stand that show), I thought I'd take a minute to blog. Oh, and to sip my coffee leisurely while it's still hot, instead of gulping it down after it's gone cold.
...

Wouldn't you know it - the minute I finished that last sentence, I was approached by a hungry 3-year-old and a certain little newborn woke up and finally had that bowel movement she'd been working on all night. HAHA. Such is life!

Anyway.
You can check our Friday activity off the list! We brought our new (well, new to us) car home last night. It's an '03 red Chrysler Sebring Coupe. I've never really been a fan of Chryslers, but I actually like this one. Maybe simply because it's OURS, finally. A second car! I really took for granted having 2 vehicles, until I lost my car last fall because we couldn't afford it. I'm thrilled that Jason & I can once again go where we need to go, when we need to go there without worrying about having to pick up/drop off the other.

And now, a couple pictures...

Tiegan was cracking me up this morning. I was sitting here typing my blog, and she came in from the living room. When I turned to look at her, I couldn't stifle my laughter...

She was wearing one of her baby doll's moses baskets / bassinets as a backpack with a hood. HAHA!! I gotta commend her ingenuity.

And I also just had to snap a shot of my Sweet Sofia, sleeping away in her swing. I am still in awe of her dark, abundant hair! Well... abundant compared to Tiegan's sparse toehead as a baby.

And that's all. End completely random post of the day.

No going back now

2009-07-31T05:49:00.000-07:00

In a week, my newborn baby will be one. month. old.

What?!

These next 3 days will fly by before I go back to work Monday. I'm actually happy about that, because yesterday was one of those days. You know the kind where everyone needs something from you RIGHT NOW and OH MY GOD can I just get a moment of SILENCE. I believe I even sent a text message to Jason at some point, saying, "2 kids? what was I thinking?"

I think I'm coming down from that 3-week adrenaline rush, but still happy as ever. And totally head over heels for both my beautiful girls.

So here's my weekend...

Today (Friday): Mom's picking me & the girls up later this afternoon to meet Jason in Lansing to go car-shopping. Actually, we think we already have our car picked out & everything. I'm not jinxing it, though - we just have to do some paperwork and see if they can make it happen.

Saturday: Retail therapy. These pesky extra 20 lbs. need some love. I think I will feel much better with some clothes that actually fit me (you know, other than sweatpants) until I shed the rest of my baby weight. There's nothing quite like trying to wear your husband's pants and finding that even THOSE won't zip. Granted, my husband is a 29/29... but still.

Sunday: Lansing Lugnuts game! Jason surprised us with tickets yesterday. The 4 of us are going as a family. Should be interesting with a 3 week old baby. I think there will be fireworks. Yikes. BUT, a fun adventure I'm sure!

Nostalgia

2009-07-29T12:14:00.000-07:00

Looking for baby photos of Tiegan today, and having 2 bum computers that need to have the hard drives extracted, I was reduced to summoning my brain power. How so? I had to remember old photobucket passwords.

Thankfully, I was successful! That preggo-brain must be wearing off. (Anyone else get that? Idiocy during pregnancy?)

Browsing through scads of photos from the past 3 years, I got a little teary-eyed. As any ragingly hormonal woman would. I just thought I'd share some of my favorites.

Pregnant with Tiegan during Christmas '05:
(and badly needing hair dye!!)

T's bedroom at our old house - the one we brought her home to:
(I wish you could see it better, but the walls are a light green and the ceiling, which is coved, was painted light blue. My dad and I hand-painted clouds, which you can see just a little bit of at the top of the walls.)

A signature banner I made for a parenting message board I belonged to:

Going back a little further in time... our wedding day!
(Looking at this photo reminds me how glad I am that J and I didn't go through with a divorce last year. We are too perfect together to let all this love go to waste.)

A toothless Tiegan next to an old picture of me:

At one of Jason's softball games:

Halloween '07 - dinosaur costume that my mom made:

Jas and me doing what we do best:
(I might just consider going redhead again...)

Burn, Baby, Burn

2009-07-28T09:41:00.001-07:00

At 2.5 weeks postpartum, and with 20 lbs. left to lose, I'm slowly feeling inclined to start exercising again.

As I stretched this morning on the living room floor, I had flashbacks of sweating away with Denise Austin's 7am shows on FitTV at our old house on Webster Street.

That woman helped me burn away 50 lbs. after I had Tiegan. It took me quite a while (almost a whole year) to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight, probably because I didn't exercise as religiously as I should have. And also because I was hooked on horribly fattening foods during my pregnancy with her, and it took me forever to adjust my diet back to an acceptable level.

This time I vowed that I would go at it full-on, hardcore as soon as I was feeling well enough to exercise. I'm so excited to be fit and trim again. But rather than just making that promise to myself, I'm putting it here as motivation. See, I'm not so great at keeping the promises I make to myself. So I figure if I put it out in the open, that gives me a better reason to stick with it. If I break a promise that exists only in my head, it's easy to talk myself out of feeling guilty. But if it's here in writing for everyone to see, I'd be embarrassed if I broke that promise and will have to shamefully and publicly fess up - which is something no one likes to do.

I started a set of crunches this morning and felt twinges in muscles I forgot existed. I realized how badly out of shape I am, and am mourning the loss of flexibility I once had. I'll get it back.

I would love to have these...

(for taking Sofia out on my own)

(for when Sofia is bigger/more stable in a front-facing stroller)

Dream on, sister. But hey - if anyone has a double stroller/carseat combo for sale on the cheap, I'd be interested. Right now I'm working with a 3 year old stroller that has a Case of the Missing Carseat, and I'm not quite ready to put Sofia in the forward-facing seat just yet. So tiny and wobbly - I'd like to see her and make sure she's got enough cradling support. That's where the Missing Carseat comes in.

SO. Now that I've forgotten where I was going with this blog... I'm off to eat a healthy lunch.

OH the Cuteness!

2009-07-27T07:21:00.001-07:00

Yesterday afternoon I got a little shutter-happy with the girls. They were both being so adorable.

After her nap, Tiegan and I were eating Fig Newtons and chatting about random things. I went to snap her picture, and she gasped, almost choking on her food - "NO, Mommy! Not yet, I have my mouth full."

*Gulp* - Okay, now you can take my picture.

She and Daddy left for Grandma's house shortly thereafter, at which time Sofia decided to be alert as ever.

She works so hard at picking her head up. She has been picking it up since birth, but is getting much better. I'm a little rusty with milestones, but I think for 2 weeks old this is pretty good! Oh, and that hair. I think we might have one straight-as-a-board blonde, and one wavy-headed brunette on our hands!

And I'm done overloading you with photos for the morning. I just couldn't resist!

The Weekend Chill

2009-07-26T12:32:00.000-07:00

No, that's not clown makeup. That is the result of a red, white & blue Starkiss pop from Dairy Queen. One of my favorite sights of summer: my ice-cream covered kid.

We went for a long walk today. It was gorgeous when we left the house, and it stayed gorgeous right up until we thought we'd make our way to the school playground and then head to Burger King for lunch. Before we had a chance to do either of these things, we looked up and saw dark gray. Time to turn around and head home, we said.

Just after our pit stop at Dairy Queen, we got caught in a drizzle. Luckily that's not too far from home, so we just kept walking. Sofia was covered by the awning on the stroller, and the rest of us... well, a little water never hurt anybody.

By the time we got home, the sun was already back out. It was a great way to spend our afternoon together.

Now it's raining again (a bit harder this time), it's a little chillier out, the girls are sleeping, and Jason is playing video games. This has been a great day... although I wish there were a little more "Sun" involved this SUNday.

Tuckered out in the good way.

2009-07-25T14:37:00.001-07:00

And I thought time flew faster with only one child.

Holy moly. Where have the days gone? Tiegan seems so big to me; it's hard to believe we are thinking about Preschools. She'll be starting dance classes again next month already. Sofia seems to be filling out more & more every day.

All we did today was pick up Tiegan from her grandma's, go to the bank, then go grocery shopping. On the way home from the store, we stopped and picked up some take-out. (Speaking of which, I feel extremely guilty having downed that chili cheese dog and fries. Must. Eat. Healthy.)

Now I'm finally settling down and I look at the clock, only to realize... it's almost 6pm?! Is it really time to start thinking about dinner already?

I guess when you think about all the in-between stuff you have to do with a 3 year old and newborn, it weighs out pretty evenly. Diaper changes & potty trips, feeding, pumping for bottles, washing milk- and marker-stained clothes, getting in & out of carseats...... I'm just not used to being so active through the entire day. It's nice, though. Really nice. I feel more useful and needed now than ever. Sometimes it's a little overwhelming. Having such an important purpose, though; that makes it worth the trouble. SO worth it.

Home Front

2009-07-23T05:31:00.000-07:00

It's a very strange day here in Wonderland. Rain AND sun, at the same time? Not to mention... 60 degrees in the middle - nay, END - of July???

I can't speak for the girls, but I definitely have cabin fever. I literally haven't left the house in days. Sofia probably couldn't care less, but poor Tiegan is constantly asking if we can go out and play catch/feed the fish/feed the ducks/get our feet wet/go for a walk. Sorry, sweetness, looks like rain & storms for the next FOREVER. So, I promised we'd have a movie day today. If her attention span holds out.

Isn't winter long & tedious enough for trying to discover indoor activities? Did we have to tack on time during the summer, too? Especially for our first summer here at the LAKE? Sigh.

I will look on the bright side - at least this weather gives me time to get my body back in swimsuit condition. I am happy to report that every day, I wake up with a smaller tummy. It's a very gradual process. I can't wait until I can start exercising hardcore again. As of the other day, I have already lost 20 of the 40 pounds I gained during pregnancy. I still might have to buy all new jeans, though. My butt has informed me that it's not goin' anywhere. Thankfully, Jason is pretty thrilled about that.

Oh, and - it's official - I am going back to work August 3rd. I knew I needed to quit hemming and hawing and just make a decision already. I concluded that the longer I stay home, the less I'll want to go back to work. I'm giving myself one more week to mentally prepare. I am still a little squeamish about the fact that my dear baby will only be 3 weeks old when we start shipping her off, but at least she's not going to a daycare with a bunch of strangers. She will be with her sister and great-grandma every day. Thankfully I only work part-time and Jason has much better hours at his new job.

So, unlike before when we would let Tiegan stay the night a couple times a week at grandma's because Jason gets out at some ungodly hour and we're all exhausted... we will be able to drop the girls off in the morning, and pick them up after work (before dinnertime). Perfect! Now if we could only get that 2nd car we need...

One more random note before I leave you feeling like you completely wasted 10 (or however many) minutes reading this pointless blog:
My friends Jen & Brittney came over for a visit the other day, and Jen took some lovely photos of Miss Q-Bug (how that became her nickname, I'm not really sure - I just started calling her that one day). To see a preview, check out Jen's photography blog: jlynnimagery.blogspot.com. They're pretty darn awesome. :)

Hours to Seconds

2009-07-22T06:41:00.000-07:00

It's so hard to believe my little one is nearly 2 weeks old. She's already showing signs of getting bigger - losing some of those newborn wrinkles, lifting her head on her own, and staying awake for longer periods. When I think about this being my last chance to experience that sweet newborn phase, I get sad that it's going to be over so quickly. But then I remember that we have so many new things to experience - we get to have all those "firsts" all over again! That part of having a baby is so much fun. It totally negates all the stress babies may add to your life, although I have to admit, I'm not nearly as frazzled this time around. Piece of cake. So far.

I am missing Tiegan like crazy. She spent the day at her grandma's yesterday (great-grandma's, really, because it's Jason's grandma) and I was expecting Jason to pick her up on his way home from work like we had planned. I called about 15 minutes out from when he usually gets home, to see what I should make for dinner & if T had eaten yet.

"Uh... actually..."

Turns out grandma took her to the Toledo zoo yesterday and he forgot to tell me, and they wouldn't be back til late. Maybe I'm crazy, but shouldn't a mother KNOW WHEN HER CHILD IS BEING TAKEN OUT OF STATE? Not to mention I'm pretty bummed that I wasn't asked permission first. I'm sure Jason probably gave them the OK, but I wish it would have been cleared with me. I was really wanting Tiegan's first trip to the zoo (first memorable one, at least -- we took her as a baby) to be with us. This isn't the first time my wishes haven't been honored, and I'm starting to feel like the steering wheel is slipping from my grip.

I'm trying to look at the bright side, because it's already happened and there's nothing I can do about it. At least she got to go, and at least she was able to have that fun memory with somebody, because we may not have been able to afford to go this summer. I just feel like we're missing out on all her fun moments. I'm glad that her grandma is willing to take her here and there, to festivals and shows and events... but I just hope she doesn't grow up thinking she never had any fun with Mom and Dad.

Back to the Real World

2009-07-20T07:15:00.000-07:00

I have a question for all you working mothers out there.
How long after delivery did you return to work?

I'm thinking of returning after 2 weeks. The 2nd week is just beginning, so that would mean I'm actually considering (holy cow) going back to work next Monday. On one hand, we could really use that 2nd paycheck. Things have been really tight since I've been off work. Not to mention I stopped working 3 weeks before delivery!

But I just don't know if my heart can handle leaving both my children for 6-8 hours a day. Especially Sofia, who is still so tiny. I get sick at the thought of missing out on this short time in her life. Especially since I'm not affected by the Baby Blues this time around and am actually enjoying the newborn stage. I've had a huge burst of energy since Sofia was born, and I'm totally taking advantage of it by keeping the house straight and getting things done that I've been meaning to for months. And while I'm not busy being a Domestic Diva? I'm snuggling my little ladies. I. LOVE. Spending time with them.

I guess when it comes down to it, these memories and time spent with my kids are way more important than money. However, I would like to be able to shop for household staples without wringing our pockets dry. And our 2nd income really comes in handy when we want to go on memory-making trips... like to the zoo, or the ballpark. Both things we've been dying to do this summer that we just haven't been able to yet.

You can see how I'm really on the fence with this one. I keep arguing with myself in my head, and just when I think I have my mind made up... I change it.

Girls' Club

2009-07-19T07:42:00.000-07:00

It's still a little strange (but fun!) to say "the girls." Last night, Jason and the 2 of them were snuggling on the couch and he called me in, saying, "Honey come look at your daughter." I was a little surprised to hear "which one?" coming out of my mouth. I have TWO daughters! How wonderful. I have a feeling we will form a strong alliance. Not to leave Jason out - he definitely has a great connection with each of them too. It also looks like they're forming their own little bond...

Tiegan was trying to hush Sofia because she obviously hates being changed. I set up her pack-n-play bassinet to be a diaper changing station for the living room - don't worry, she doesn't sleep with all that stuff around her! It's pretty convenient, actually, since the pack-n-play doesn't have one of those diaper changing areas.

My big girl just seems so much bigger now that there's a newborn around.

Miss Q's Lunch

2009-07-17T14:09:00.001-07:00

Imagine my horror this afternoon when I pulled Sofia away from my left side to nurse on the right, and discovered BLOOD dripping down her chin.

Terrifying, bright vampire-red blood. You never want blood and your children in the same sentence (unless it is to say your child is NOT bleeding), or even the same thought sequence, let alone see your child with blood ON them.

After I gathered my wits I realized it was coming from me, not her. OK. Deep breath.

Thank goodness for computers & internet. I was able to research enough on my own to find that the blood will not do Sofia any harm, and it's perfectly fine for her to keep nursing, even if I am bleeding. That's the most important thing. Now what the heck is going on with ME? Apparently the problem is that she's not latching on quite right, which I had no idea because she was nursing so well anyway. Without going into great detail, I'll just say her mouth isn't open wide enough which causes pinching, which in turn has caused the pain & bleeding. At least it isn't mastitis. However, I am more susceptible to infection now.

Although it has proven to be way better for Sofia, nursing has become quite a struggle for me. It's now almost a full-time gig. 24 hours a day. I actually need to nurse more frequently (every hour or so), and apply moist heat & ointments in between. Who knew I'd ever fondle my own boobs so much?

My man, my boobs, and a jubilee

2009-07-17T11:03:00.000-07:00

What lucky girls the 3 of us are to have this guy in our lives.

He's sensitive enough to understand our needs, but not effeminate. He's manly enough to get things done for us, but not disgusting. He's the perfect balance and, I think, is coping quite well with the trauma of living in a household swarming with estrogen. :)

Adventures in breastfeeding... whew.
When Sofia finally got the hang of it, and we got into a rhythm, it was wonderful. It's really powerful, actually, providing something so incredibly useful for your child that no one else can match. And then it started to hurt. And now it's excruciating. We're still working out the kinks... but I hope I'm able to continue. I know it's not supposed to be painful, so we've got to figure out what's going on.

This weekend we are going to attempt our first outing as a family of four, at the Hot Air Jubilee. Tiegan absolutely loved it last time we went, and I'm glad it's back this year. I know it's at the airport so there will probably be plane engines and whatever else going on - I just hope it's not too loud for Sofia. Now, to conquer the biggest obstacle of all: finding something to wear in this strange in-between phase!

Highs and Lows

2009-07-16T17:40:00.000-07:00

I cannot tell you how much I love this baby. I wish I could. It seems such a tragedy that there just aren't the words to explain how intensely I love my girls, and my husband for that matter. We have grown into this perfect little family and things somehow keep getting better by the day.

I live for this. 4 years ago I never thought I'd be here, but here I am. And I don't want to imagine how I'd be living if I had made different choices. I don't think I'd ever have known true happiness. Looks like I made all the right decisions to get where I am today.

Deep sadness struck me for a moment this afternoon as I was taking photos of Sofia lying on her side, and she rolled onto her stomach - at 6 days old. She is so enjoyable right now. So small, soft, cuddly, and sweet. When she rolled, I came to the delayed realization that she won't be this tiny forever. Someday I will have to chase her all around the house and will have to scold for not getting along with her sister. It hit me like a brick and I think I was more sad than anything that I don't have a video camera - or at least a point&shoot digital camera that can take video clips. I will want to remember these fleeting days. This is my last child and although I never want to go through pregnancy & labor ever again (not to mention I feel our family is complete at 4), it's a bit of a letdown knowing I'll never have a baby this tiny again. The time passes so quickly, and I am actually in a state of mind where I can enjoy this newborn phase, unlike when Tiegan was born. I see flashes of myself waving goodbye to the girls as they go off to college.

Hello, hormones!

Finally... Momentum

2009-07-16T06:37:00.001-07:00

Yesterday was my first day as Supermom, a.k.a. my first day at home, alone, with both girls all day.

I am happy to report it was much easier than anticipated. Tiegan is old enough that she requires minimal help with everyday tasks. Thankfully that left enough time for me to still be able to play and spend quality time with her while Sofia slept. I did feel like I had to remind her endlessly to hush or be careful around Sofia's swing & bassinet, but that's probably just newborn paranoia.

And while Sofia was awake, Tiegan was my little assistant. I didn't even ask; she is just helpful by nature. I am trying to make sure she doesn't feel obligated to help me take care of her sis, but it's nice that she's interested. At one point, I had T on the couch to get ready for a nap and was changing Sofie's diaper. Just as I was finishing, I heard a very disappointed little voice from behind me, "but Mommyyyy, I wanted to throw Sofie's diaper away!" (sad about being stuck on the couch). Hey, kid... whatever floats your boat.

Breastfeeding is going much, much better. I was very close to giving up, because it just seemed like more work than it needed to be. But with some persistence, and the help of my mom and sister, it's like 2nd nature to us both now. It takes a little more planning, and more of my time, but it's worth it.

Not much else to report. I'm actually getting much better sleep now than when I was pregnant. Everything is falling into place. Happy.

A love so strong

2009-07-14T04:57:00.000-07:00

Things are starting to fall into place around here. Sofia is fitting in swimmingly. Of course there are some things that are completely out of whack - like, for instance: my center of gravity, everyone's sleep patterns, and my boobs.

I bottle-fed Tiegan right from the get go. I just had no interest in breastfeeding and wanted my body all to myself as soon as she was born. This time, I was feeling a little less uncomfortable with the idea and thought I'd give it a try. It's not going very well. I'm exhausted from trying, and poor Sofia is getting frustrated. It's only been 3 days, though, and I'm not giving up hope just yet. Thankfully my sister is a breastfeeding advocate, and is very well educated on the subject, so she's been a huge help.

I have a feeling that our daughters will be, for Jason & me, just like my sister & I were for our parents. That is to say - Tiegan and Jason resemble my sister & father, and Sofia and I resemble me with my mother. Um... does that make sense?

Tiegan and Jason are so much alike. She is really a Daddy's Girl when it comes down to it. They get along so well, and she usually goes to him first when she needs something, but they are also both extremely stubborn and can butt heads like crazy. Just like my sister & my dad. Sofia is my little snuggler. She & I bonded straight away. So far, I'm the only one that can calm her just by holding her close. My intuition says she will be a Mommy's girl, just like I am with my mom. I was always closer with my mom, and now that I'm an adult, we're practically best friends.

Can I just mention what a great husband & father Jason is? We have agreed to take turns tending to Sofia at night - last night was his night and he was wonderful. She was up every 10 minutes, refusing to sleep unless she was held. His patience was definitely tested, but he was still chipper and sweet as ever this morning. My post-delivery nurse in the hospital even commented on how great he was. She said she went home after her first shift with us, and told her husband about what a nice change of pace it was to see a father who was so involved. Poor guy is definitely outnumbered, but I can tell - his girls are his world.

Welcome, Sofia

2009-07-12T18:11:00.000-07:00

As most of you already know from my tweets and Facebook, Sofia Quinn has finally arrived! I was induced at 7am on Friday, July 10, (at 41 weeks pregnant) and she came almost 13 hours later at 7:50pm. At birth, she weighed 7 lbs 8 oz. and was 18" long. Her size came as a huge surprise to us, being overdue and the ultrasound having predicted a whole pound heavier!

This labor was much different than when I had Tiegan, who was born just 7 short hours after I was induced. More on that another day, when I have time to write out a birth story.

Today was our first day home - we were discharged at noon. Tiegan is very interested in Sofia, and often asks to hold & help feed her. She's also content to play on her own while SQ is sleeping. So far it's been a good balance, but I'm sure we'll encounter obstacles. I'm confident we'll find our rhythm.

These past few days have been amazing for me. My recovery isn't nearly as painful as last time, although still pretty uncomfortable. Being able to simply walk has been such a blessing. I have been overcome by so many positive emotions these past 2 days, I'm just hoping it continues. We had amazing staff taking care of us the entire time (thank goodness).

Last night, SQ was resting her head on my shoulder when suddenly she looked up and rubbed her mouth & nose on my cheek. It sounds like such an insignificant thing, but it was so powerful to me. Like she knew I needed a little snuggling too. Maybe it's the hormones. I really feel like we have bonded incredibly.

Bittersweet Beginning

2009-07-09T12:11:00.001-07:00

Today is a bittersweet day for me.

It is the day I kiss pregnancy goodbye. Jason and I have already decided we only want 2 children, so knowing that this is my last pregnancy - ever - is odd. I will admit it's a big relief, as I haven't exactly loved being pregnant. I did have my moments during each pregnancy, though, where I felt like I was glowing and was proud to show off my bump.

There is a certain point, though, where I started to dread the thought of going out in public. Hi, perfect stranger, I can see you staring. Yes, my belly is huge. No, I am not having twins. No, I will not stand here and make awkward conversation with you about the intimate details of my current physical situation. Thanks, though.

It is an absolutely gorgeous day. The water is calm, the sun is shining, there is a fresh, gentle breeze floating into my house through the sliding doors, and the blue sky is ever-so-lightly speckled with clouds. I can hear kids laughing and playing across the lake. Birds are chirping. Pontoon boats leisurely float by every few minutes, and there's the occasional jetski.

I've said it before - living here in the summer is like being on vacation. It's absolutely gorgeous. Unfortunately, I am so pregnant that I have a hard time moving my body - forget about hoisting myself in and out of the lounge chair on my lawn! Today is a day of reflection and respite, so I will just have to enjoy the gorgeous outdoors from my living room. It's still a pretty spectacular view.

Last night, I wrote a letter to Tiegan. It's the kind of letter that's written in the present tense, but really for her to read when she's older and understands. I told her that although she is getting a sister, my love for her will not be cut in half to make room. It can only multiply. I told her that even though I will love the both of them equally, Tiegan will always be the one that made me a Mother. I have really enjoyed these past 3 and a half years with her as our only child, and it has been surprisingly hard for me to say goodbye to that time. It's almost a mourning process. I'm lucky that we have such a bright future to look forward to, and that is helping me to march onward.

Yesterday Tiegan seemed to have hurt her arm. She was saying the inside of her elbow hurt and favored that arm most of the day. However, she was still able to reach out for candy, and still wanted to go swimming. A few hours later, after some special attention, she was fine. I know her poor little heart is feeling a touch of jealousy. I don't blame her.

T is at her grandmother's today, tonight, and tomorrow until the baby is born. I miss her terribly. I want to hold her tight and tell her that she will always be special to me. I want to spoil her and show her that I still, and always will, love her unconditionally. It will feel like everything is All About Baby for a while, but hopefully we can get into a trend where it will be easier to pay equal attention to both girls.

Time to get a few measly things done around the house, and then I'll be relaxing. Watch my tweets tomorrow, as I will probably be having J update for me.

Case of the Blahs

2009-07-08T06:54:00.001-07:00

After going through and rearranging/organizing the bedrooms this morning, I have decided that the entire 2nd level of our house is too brown. And seriously needs style.

Our furniture is a mishmash of hand-me-downs, which I actually love the eclecticism of, but a lot of items need restoration. I wouldn't even mind painting a dresser or two in bright, eye-catching colors (like this kind of yellow). Just to be fun & quirky. My style is hard to explain. I really like offbeat things, and a mix of several genres. Like this, or this.

This is our bedroom... which, even after some hefty rearranging & organizing, still just looks like we threw some furniture in the corner of a room and called it good:

And this is Sofia's room, which also has the same feel...

I'm thinking we should ask the landlords if we can paint some walls. I'm really feeling uninspired!

We Have a Date!

2009-07-07T17:51:00.000-07:00

Finally, we have a conclusion to this madness!

I had my ultrasound & doctor's appointment today. Ultrasound tech estimated baby's weight to be about 8.5 lbs currently. YIKES. If I haven't already mentioned it, Tiegan was 7 lbs, 10 oz. at 38 weeks when she was born. I realize the u/s is just an estimate - I'm thinking it was on the generous side and she's not really that big. (A mother can hope, right?)

What you're seeing in the image is a little hard to make out, I know (unless you're LeeAnn!). It's the best snapshot I could get - the image of her face was pretty distorted because the placenta was right in front of it. You can see her fingers, as it says - in a fist shape. Oh, and it's definitely a girl. We got a clear shot of that!

So. Despite the contractions, my doctor says it wouldn't do any good to induce right away since I'm only dilated to 1cm. He wanted to wait until this weekend, when he will be on call, and maybe my contractions will have made a little bit of headway by then (I doubt it, since they haven't for 2 weeks!).

Either way, I'm scheduled to be induced Friday, July 10. Seven whole days past my due date. I can't believe I've made it this far, but I don't doubt I will continue to make it to Friday.

Finally, I can relax a little bit. I know what day it's going to happen, and I can prepare a little bit. I now have that kick of motivation I needed to whip some things into shape around the house.

Tiegan was at her grandma's when Jason called to let them know what the plan was. He told Tiegan over the phone that Sofia was coming Friday. She said, "She IS?? GRAM!!!! My sister's coming FRIDAY!!!!" I can't wait to see the look on her face when she meets her little sis for the first time.

Top Ten Tuesday: The Little Things

2009-07-07T04:46:00.000-07:00

How about a blog post that isn't whiny? Oh, goodie!!
I thought I'd do another Top Ten Tuesday - this time, a compilation of the little things in life that make me smile. They're the things that matter most anyway, right?

Feel free to join in with your own versions of Top Ten Tuesday on your blogs!

The Top Ten Little Things in Life that Make Me Smile

That first sip of coffee - (black, please) in the morning, in the evening with dessert, when I have a headache, or when I'm just a little bit chilly. It's always the perfect pick-me-up.
The glow from the evening sun - the sun rises on the lake-side of our house and sets out back. I love the golden hue that comes in my kitchen window, and shines on the front of the houses across the lake, in the evening. It's such a warm, relaxing tone.
When the breeze catches my hair just right - one of my favorite things to do is ride in the car with the windows down on a sunny day while J drives. What's worse than your hair flipping in the wind and sticking to your lip gloss? But when the breeze catches just right and brushes my hair away from my face... ahh, that's the life.
Being squeezed in the middle of the night - Sorry hubby, I'm going to completely embarrass you for this one. Sometimes when I roll over, or get out of bed for whatever reason, J (in his sleep) reaches out for me and whimpers until he's got his arms wrapped around me. Then he lets out a contented sigh. Love.
Watching Tiegan's wheels turn - I love to watch Tiegan play when she doesn't know I'm there. She scribbles in her 1st grade math/spelling books. She turns her toys all over to figure out how they work. She is just so hungry to learn how the world goes around, and I find myself beaming.
Breathing in a clean house - Take a deep breath. I smell... Lysol, Febreeze, a hint of bleach, and fresh air. There is nothing like enjoying my home after a good scrub-down.
The smell of a boat going by - I'm sure I've already proclaimed my love of toxic smells. Strange, I know. I love the scent that wafts in my sliding door when a boat goes by - a mixture of lake water, fresh air, and gas/oil mix from the boat's motor. It reminds me of my childhood days vacationing on Houghton Lake.
Seeing new places with wide eyes - This doesn't exactly sound "little," but what I'm getting at is that feeling that comes over me. When I visit someplace I've never been, I crave more. I marvel at the sights and want to immerse myself in this new world, taking in everything I can. It's a full-body rush.
When the timing works out just right - We've all had those days: you're bumbling over yourself just to make it there, only to find out you've forgotten something, and you've spilled coffee on your favorite shirt. Multiply it by 5 for each child involved. The heavens open and choruses sing when a whole day glides by from event to event without incident. There is that relieving moment of perfection when I make it from A to B in one piece, and I cherish each one of those moments.
Falling asleep outside - on a nice day, of course. Now that it's summer, living here is like being on vacation. Lounging on my chair outside and dozing off to the sound of water lightly splashing on the seawall... that's a little piece of "me-time" I'll never take for granted.

Where is my mind

2009-07-06T05:44:00.001-07:00

This whole overdue thing is throwing me for a loop.

Typically, they say you deliver earlier with subsequent pregnancies. Tiegan was born at 38 weeks, and here I am, at 40w3d. This is unreal.

I haven't had a whole lot to complain about, physically, other than the day and night contractions (which I'm beginning to get used to). I have this sharp, stabbing pain low in my pelvis sometimes, but I'm pretty sure Sofia's just lying on a nerve somewhere because it only happens when I shift my weight.

My only real complaint is that I'm anxious to start this next phase of our lives. I've been ready for some time now - it would have been nice to deliver a couple weeks ago when I was still pumped and had plenty of energy. Not that I'm no longer excited, but back at 38 weeks I had this adrenaline rush thinking it could be any day now. That rush lasted a week or so, and has since worn off.

Now, I'm just tired. Excited, but tired and very curious as to how I'll fare during delivery. With Tiegan, I gave it all my might. This time, I'm a little nervous that I might turn out to be a bit wimpy - simply because I'm drained.

This overdue-ness has given me extra time to overthink the possibilities, too. Overthinking is never good, and turns people like me into absolute worry-warts.

For now, I'm just going to sit back, enjoy my time off while it lasts, and this beautiful weather that's going along with it. Wish me luck keeping my mind distracted!

Our 4th

2009-07-05T09:39:00.001-07:00

We had a pretty fabulous 4th of July despite STILL being pregnant. I had no idea it was such a big to-do out here on the lake - these people take their Independence Day seriously! There was a boat parade, tons of BBQs and parties all around the lake, and later in the evening we hopped on the neighbor's pontoon with them to watch the fireworks.

The weather was a tad disappointing, but at least it didn't rain. It was just hazy all day. The bright kind of cloudy where you could use sunglasses but it still looks nasty out.

Tiegan made up "Happy Independence Day" songs to me. She loves singing to an audience.

Tiegan & Daddy watched the boat parade together - I caught a little bit of it, but was mostly inside making red, white & blue cake and cleaning the house for my parents' visit.

A little bit of the boat parade.

My parents & Tiegan - she told Boppy (my dad) she liked his "dress." HAHA!

I had a little too much fun playing with the frosting on my red, white & blue cake, and it turned out a little funny... but looked kind of cool on the inside...

And it was ohhhh so delicious. You can't see it, but there is also a layer of strawberry preserves in the middle. The coconut was a nice touch, too. The whole thing reminds me of superman ice cream.

Getting ready for the fireworks with her glow stick...

T had a fab time with Daddy on the neighbor's pontoon. I think this was her first-ever pontoon ride, and she told me that we definitely have to get one of our own. I agree.

Nothing like fireworks on the lake.

Don't get me wrong...

2009-07-03T18:45:00.000-07:00

This was last night. Mom and Dad were over, we had just finished dinner at Andy's Pizza, and I was starting to have contractions every 4-7 minutes. My doctor informed me at my last appointment to go straight to Labor & Delivery if I was having them 5 minutes apart for a half hour - no matter what. Even if I thought I'd just be sent back home. I kind of had a feeling I would be (sent back home, that is), but we went anyway. Doctor's orders. My parents took Tiegan home with them for a sleepover, which I'm sure she was excited about. I ended up being monitored for about an hour, if that, and was sent home. Still dilated to 2cm, about 50% effaced - same as 2 weeks ago. Of course that's according to the same nurse that checked me last time - the one with very tiny, very arthritic hands. I have a feeling if someone else had checked, they might say different.

Oh well - I'm done being negative. I realize the last few posts have been kind of whiny, as if I'm going to be pregnant forever. It's to be expected I suppose. I've been contracting hardcore for 2 weeks and haven't seen any progress. The farthest apart my contractions have been is maybe an hour, if I'm lucky. In fact, they are more frequent at night. Bye bye, sleep! I consider it good practice for being up all night with a newborn. ;)

I'm actually very excited for this new phase in our lives. I can't wait to adjust to being a family of 4. I know it's going to be a lot of hard work. A lot of frustration. But soooo worth it.

I got to thinking about how difficult it was going to be for me - going from 3 1/2 years ago, never thinking I'd ever have children (and not really enjoying the company of other peoples' children)... to being a mother of 2. Once I finally got used to being a mother of 1, I thought that was it. I loved things the way they were and didn't really want them to change. Probably because life was just starting to get easier again.

But then, I imagined Tiegan growing up as an only child. Alone. I knew she'd probably have tons of friends, but our home just didn't seem complete. There is plenty of love between the 3 of us, but it seems like there could be so much more. I'm so excited to be giving her a playmate, a pal, someone to relate to. We are such a close family that I'm sure they will grow up loving and appreciating each other. I see future family get-togethers and holidays with 4 of us instead of 3, and everything just feels so much warmer and happier. More full. In a good way.

I'm done being impatient. I'm so full of happiness that anyone still reading this is probably nauseated by now.

Sweet Sofia

2009-07-03T04:46:00.000-07:00

Dear Sofia,

Today is your due date. If Stephen Kellogg & The Sixers' song "Sweet Sophia" (although spelled differently) is correct about you being right on time, today might be the day.

Last night, your Daddy and I made our 3rd trip up to the hospital for a false alarm and by now the nurses there must think we're nuts. I have a feeling you're working so hard to get out, but maybe you just need some help. Hang on little chickpea, you won't be stuck in there forever. There is a whole beautiful world out here for you to explore.

We are all ready to meet you. We've prepared many comfy places for you to relax and play, your bedroom is finally done, and our arms are aching to hold you. Your big sister talks of all the things she can't wait to teach you. She practically shakes with excitement when anyone asks her about you.

My only concern is that you come into this world safely and peacefully, whenever you decide the time is right. We will do everything we can to make sure that happens. Despite the bumps and jolts along the way (sorry about that - it's hard to navigate when Mommy's center of gravity is thrown off) I hope that your home so far has been pleasant.

We love you more than it's possible to describe, Sofia.

Patiently awaiting your arrival,
Mommy, Daddy & Tiegan

3 or 13?

2009-07-02T05:01:00.000-07:00

This morning I got to thinking about something my doctor said at Tuesday's appointment. He said that I was measuring "right on" ... for my July 3rd due date. But after that he said, "but if we're going by the July 13th due date, you're measuring pretty big."

I completely forgot that my 20-week ultrasound back in February estimated the due date to be around July 13th after we had already determined that it was July 3rd according to conception date & my menstrual calendar. (Yes... I know the exact conception date. Happy birthday Jason! HAHA!)

They never officially pushed my due date back because in order for them to do that, it would have to be at least a 2-week difference. This was only a 10-day difference, so they decided to keep July 3rd as my official due date. However, apparently he is still keeping July 13th in the back of his mind? For some reason I thought they totally disregarded this because he hasn't mentioned it since... until this week.

If he is actually considering July 13th to be a possible due date, then I am for sure measuring big. I would be concerned about going any longer, and this baby getting even bigger. Perhaps that's why he ordered a EFW ultrasound for next Tuesday if I happen to still be pregnant by then (he doesn't seem to think I will be, but this stubborn baby might just prove him wrong). What will he decide based upon the results of this ultrasound? Who knows.

I had a dream last night that my water broke. Not long thereafter, a contraction woke me up. But that's nothing new... it's been happening about 5-10 times a night since last week. They always seem to be more intense at night.

I think it will be perfect if Sofia arrives this evening after Jason gets home from work, since he has tomorrow & the rest of the weekend off. But I'm just making up scenarios in my head, which I promised myself I wouldn't do, because I always get my hopes up.

Very strange to see my baby ticker over there tell me I have 1 day left. It will happen when it happens!

39 & Counting

2009-07-01T04:51:00.000-07:00

I had my 39-week appointment yesterday. Gotta say - I'm completely surprised I've made it this far. Looks like everyone else is, too.

The good news is I'm healthy, and measuring right on track at 39 weeks. Same weight as last week, which means I myself am most likely LOSING weight, because Sofia is still gaining.

Ohhhh Sofia. You are definitely gaining.

The plan is to let me cook naturally a little while longer. I've been having contractions for over a week now, so I'm a little surprised he didn't just go ahead and induce this week - my due date being Friday and all. What I'm having are definitely real labor pains, but they're all over the place. Sometimes they will last for 2 hours, 5 minutes apart; other times they will be randomly every 1/2 hour or so. I've already been to the hospital twice, and sent home each time. Next time better be the real deal or I'll feel awfully silly. I can just envision the Labor & Delivery nurses rolling their eyes at me as I walk in yet again.

On to more interesting things.

Thanks to a link my friend Jessica sent my way, I was captured by a certain blog entry this morning.

And now I feel comfortable - no, empowered - to voice my reasoning for taking an indefinite break from "professional" photography.

I have a passion for making images - that is unwavering. My mistake was taking every odd photography job I could just to make a few bucks. I was in a hurry to make money and be known, and that took precedence over learning the most important things about photography. The disappointing thing is that it's such a popular field. It seems like anyone could pick up some decent equipment, let it do the work for them, and call themselves a photographer.

Ever since I got my first camera, I have been determined to learn everything about image-making, and knew that I wouldn't truly be a photographer until that was achieved. I believe in quality over popularity, but sadly, I am guilty of taking the lazy route and not living up to my own expectations. I am disappointed in myself for this reason. Sadly, some of that fiery passion may have gotten lost in the mix.

I've always wanted to stand out in my field, whatever that may be. Now's not the time for photography to be that field. I have been feeling the need for a long while to back down from the competition, take my time to learn it right, and simply do it for my own pleasure. No more senior photos, no more weddings... just art for art's sake.

Thankfully, I've got many other things going on to keep me plenty busy. My part-time job designing ads will be enough for me to stay on my creative toes.

So, thanks to that article for helping me get across what I've been meaning to say for months now.

I Want You to Hate Me

2009-06-30T07:28:00.000-07:00

I often wonder why people return, time after time, to emotionally abusive relationships. They finally put their foot down. They finally set themselves free... and before you know it, they're right back in the same routine with the same person.

This is a recurring theme with someone very near and dear to me. It breaks my heart because I know she's smarter than that. Or, I just want so badly to believe she is. I understand that it's not the easiest decision to stay away - especially when you feel comfortable around this person, and there are children involved. But there's got to be a point during which you break free, realize how hurt you have been, and decide enough is enough.

I have tried to be supportive of her every decision while maintaining my open, honest opinion about the situation. Others have bent over backwards to provide help, transportation and protection when she finally decided it was over for good. I guess it didn't surprise me all that much when I learned that she was falling for the same traps again.

My question for you, readers, is this:
How many times do you provide help & support for someone when they ask for it, only to find that it's been completely disregarded, before you stop altogether?

Not Much of Anything.

2009-06-28T15:06:00.000-07:00

I had a mini-meltdown today. Oops. I've been having way more intense contractions, probably every 10-20 minutes (some 5-10 minutes apart). Unfortunately, Tiegan hasn't been on her best behavior. The good thing is: it's Jason's day off and he's home to help keep the sanity. Also, it's a pretty gorgeous day out and the lake breeze is amazingly refreshing. I don't think I'll ever *not* want to live on the lake.

After being up & around, cooking lunch, cleaning and nesting around the house, I was getting pretty antsy and we decided to get in the car to find someplace to walk. We ended up at the Crossing, as usual. We walked... and walked... and walked... and finally my contractions started to regulate to about 5-6 minutes apart.

And then they stopped for almost an hour.

That, combined with us having to pull over and scold Tiegan for attempting to unbuckle Sofia's carseat on the way home, caused my mini-meltdown. Even though Sofia's not even IN her carseat yet, T needs to know the importance of being buckled up. We had a good conversation about it once we got home and we all feel much better. I just hate scolding her for serious offenses, and she doesn't make it any easier (let's just say my nickname for her is Sarah Bernhardt).

Speaking of, Miss DQ (Drama Queen) Herself is pronouncing her hunger. Time to cook!

New Era Dawn

2009-06-27T19:33:00.000-07:00

Pet Peeve of the Day: complete strangers approaching me and striking up conversation about my enormous belly. This has happened more times than I can account for in the past couple days. I've been asked if I'm having twins. I've been blessed and wished luck by many. Some women feel the need to tell me all about their pregnancies. Others comment on how tired/miserable I must be. The most common statement: "You look like you're ready to POP!"

Yes, I am, thank you for noticing. Please politely refrain from spewing the Word Vomit that's creeping up in your throat and move along. The wrath of the irritated full-term-pregnant-woman is likely more than you can endure. I'm about sick of being polite to these strangers.

I know it's nothing I can help, but I am starting to feel the need to get labor going NOW. Why? Not because I'm exhausted (although I am). Not because I'm anxious/excited to meet this little goober (although I am). Not because I'm just plain sick of being pregnant (although I am). But because...

Jason starts his new job Monday!

He officially resigned from his current job today, which is why I couldn't announce anything just yet. He'll be starting as a Collector at a credit union in Lansing on Monday, and he can't very well ask for time off right away if/when I have the baby. Luckily he'll have much more family-friendly hours despite the drive there and back every day. However... I just can't imagine going into labor and having this baby without him there. My mom will be there, so I know I won't be alone, but he was so amazing during my labor & delivery with Tiegan. He was right there with me every step of the way, reminding me of what a great job I was doing & that I was his hero. I will just be heartbroken if he has to miss the birth of his 2nd daughter.

This job, though, will be so much better for all of us and we just can't help the timing. Usually everything just sort of falls into place for us at the right moment (usually the last moment), so I'm hoping that's what happens here.

We will also need a 2nd vehicle by the time I'm done with maternity leave, or else I have no idea how the both of us are going to get back & forth to work.

This should be an interesting balancing act.

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

2009-06-26T04:33:00.000-07:00

So, can you tell I've been totally obsessed with the color aqua lately? (I blame House of Turquoise.)

I'm trying not to go overboard, so as not to get sick of it. But I've used it in Sofia's room, I've been dressing Tiegan in this color, and I've gravitated towards it when designing graphics. It's just such a beautiful, light, summery, airy color. I love the way it makes me feel.

Tiegan looks so grown-up. I know she's going to seem huge when we bring Sofia home - whenever that may be. Her hair is getting long & her bangs are growing out, she speaks so intelligibly, and she is really starting to act like a young lady. To see her writing and matching up items in 1st and 2nd grade workbooks is just mind-boggling to me. She has been especially lovey and cuddly the past few weeks, and I think maybe she's just ensuring that she doesn't lose her spot in our hearts. If anything, I'm thinking our love and appreciation for her will multiply by Sofia's presence. I have been so overwhelmed with love for my family lately, I'm a little nervous at how I'm going to handle the next wave of emotions that's about to crash into me.

Not only are we so close to turning our trio into a family of 4, there are a few more impending life changes that will uproot our entire schedules. It will be interesting and exciting once we're in the swing of things. But it might be very frustrating getting to that point. Stay tuned for more on that! For now, I'm going to make some coffee, greet the weekend, and try & attract some labor vibes. Send some this way for me?

Cold Bird

2009-06-25T08:48:00.000-07:00

What to do with a whole frozen chicken?

That is my concern of the day. (Since I'm trying not to concentrate on the fact that I've had 5-10 minutes between contractions for 3 days now, haven't slept, and my cervix isn't changing.)

The weather has been gorgeous, we've been in the lake every day that we've been home, and I'd like to utilize our new grill while clearing up some space in the freezer. But... regular BBQ Chicken just sounds so old hat. I'd like to do something different & interesting, maybe pick up a tip or two from Bobby Flay. But for some reason, the Husband thinks he's kind of a douche and won't knowingly take any tips from him. I think he's hugely talented. Whatever.

If you have any unique grilled chicken ideas, please throw them my way. A hint: I've been way craving Chinese lemon chicken - maybe there's a way we can come up with some sort of grilled lemon-glazed chicken recipe. OH, yum.

A Mother's love

2009-06-23T14:27:00.000-07:00

Last night we went up to Labor & Delivery at the hospital because I had been having contractions every 5 minutes for over an hour. These were much different & more intense than the usual Braxton Hicks I've been having for weeks (even months) now.

We arrived at about midnight, I was monitored for 3 hours, and the nurse checked me 3 times. I was indeed having perfect contractions every 3-5 minutes - some of them leaping off the charts - but there had been no progression with my cervix (2cm dilated, 25% effaced - same as Friday) so I was given the option to either stay or go home and wait it out.

One nurse told me that the intensity of the contractions doesn't mean anything. It's the distance between that they keep an eye on. Another nurse told me it's not the distance between that matters - it's the intensity that they like to focus on. Nobody seemed to want to bother a doctor for me, I felt like I wasn't getting any answers, and I was very uncomfortable in the little triage room so we decided to go home.

Jason & I both got very little sleep and my contractions continued to wake me through the rest of the morning. After some coaxing by Jason & my mom, I finally called my doctor's office and the receptionist there told me to go back to the hospital. I paged the on-call doctor for a 2nd opinion and he also advised the same. Just as I was finally going to cave, my contractions suddenly stopped.

TALK ABOUT FRUSTRATING.

They have since come back, but randomly at best. A little one here, a whopper there. I have an inkling that my body is trying to start active labor but something is holding it back, whatever that may be. Perhaps Sofia's in an awkward position (although they've confirmed she's head down, she could be sideways like Tiegan was, which resulted in her shoulder dystocia). As you can see I'm just a little bit nervous about what's to come. I'm also aggravated that no one seems to feel the need to check further or do an ultrasound, despite my repeatedly voicing these concerns.

I feel that it's time. I feel that my body IS in labor. The very beginning stages of labor. I also feel that Sofia needs a little jump-start - maybe I need a little help with my water breaking. But of course with my doctor being on vacation for another week, no one else seems to want to help. The nurse told me last night that doctors don't like to "be aggressive" with other peoples' patients. But... what if it were necessary? What if all these unproductive (yet very intense) contractions are harming Sofia somehow? I'm reminded of when Tiegan was stuck during labor and my contractions were bruising her whole face & head. Her heart rate dropped immensely with each contraction.

I know it sounds like I'm just in a huge yank to have this baby. Of course I'm excited, anxious, nervous & just want to get it all over with. I also just want to make sure everything is OK. That's my main concern. This hurry-up-and-wait stuff is really bothering me, especially when I have no way of knowing what's going on in there.

This is really hard work for a newborn, too. I just hope she's doing alright in there.

Homeslice

2009-06-22T07:06:00.000-07:00

We had a pretty nice Father's Day. Jason had kinda hoped to have a new baby yesterday, but I guess it wasn't in the cards. Early in the morning I had a couple whopper contractions and I do believe at one point I said, "Honey, I hate to tell you this, but I think I'm in labor."

They fizzled out around noon, though, and although I kept having random intense contractions throughout the day (no different than the past few weeks), they were nothing like the few I had early on in the morning. So... we continue the countdown!

Hopefully someday we will have the resources and energy to go all-out for holidays like Father's Day. Yesterday we kept it simple. Excited by the fact that I now have my own income and can spend my own money on gifts without having to cover it up, I had planned on buying him a present and surprising him with it. But I decided to make sure he got exactly what he wanted and let him pick out a few things while we were shopping together a few days ago. He decided on Family Guy Vol. 7 which just came out, and a few video games he's been wanting. Yesterday morning, Tiegan colored a picture for him and we pretty much let him decide what he wanted to do all day. That included a walk around K-Mart (one of our favorite stores, and we were hoping to get my labor going), a visit to my parents' house, dinner at Rudy's, and a swim in the lake. Throw in a ton of hugs, a couple shoulder/scalp massages, and homemade brownies... and I think you could say he was one happy Daddy.

While we were at my parents' house, Mom and Dad set up a kiddie pool for Tiegan to play in since they are taking a hiatus from their usual 3-footer above ground pool this year. Hence the big dead spot in the middle of their lawn where they set up a tarp for the kiddie pool (their lawn is actually gorgeous - don't be fooled!)

The swimsuit she's wearing is waayyy too small. It's hers from last year - the only one we could find at Mom and Dad's. We let her hop in nekkid for a few minutes, but figured she should probably cover up. I did get a few adorable bootie pictures for the photo album, to embarrass her with when she's older. HA!

Also, when we stopped over, my mom surprised me with crib bedding for Sofia... in AQUA!! I have been searching high & low for inexpensive aqua crib bedding, and you wouldn't think it'd be that hard to find, but it is. I just love the light & airy feel of that color. Mom has been sewing like a madwoman lately, and decided to take the liberty of making me the bumper in the most perfect fabric. I am picking it up today; what a great lady she is.

Speaking of my Mom and sewing...

This is a storebought slipcover for the sofa - but check out the striped pillows. My mom made those out of towels. They're super-soft, too. Love 'em! Doesn't it look much better than before? You can see the way the couch used to look, behind me in this photo.

That about wraps it up - I'm going to enjoy my new day off. My schedule was changed so I'm now working Tues 9-3, and Wed-Fri 9-4. Obviously I don't have that long to enjoy it, as Sofia is probably coming any day now, but I will probably come back to that schedule after maternity leave. A great season to enjoy 3-day weekends and soak up all this sunshine!

Unsolicited Advice for New Mothers

2009-06-20T06:46:00.000-07:00

As I was making a list of things we still haven't acquired for baby Sofia, I was thinking about all the pointless gizmos and gadgetry we had around when Tiegan was a baby. Of course, being a first-time Mom, I had no idea what I would really need and what wouldn't be so important. So we stocked up on pretty much everything the stores had in the way of baby stuff. And it ended up being a huge waste of money or space in our home.

Some of these things may have been totally helpful to some, which I'm not completely disregarding here. Everyone has different tastes. I'm just pointing out what has worked for us. So, if you are wandering into the adventure of Motherhood for the first time, I hope these little tidbits help.

What's Pointless...

Expensive/Stylish Burp Rags. Sure, they're sooooo adorable. Even the plain white ones seem pretty handy. Here's my bit of advice: unless they're gifted to you, don't go out and buy a package of rags made especially for that purpose. If your budget is tight, it's a waste of money. A tip: go to the dollar store and get some cute kitchen towels. They're only a dollar... and they're just going to get puked on anyway!
Diaper Pails/Diaper Genies: We had one with Tiegan and it was more of a hassle than a help. The bag refills are expensive and need to be replaced pretty often. Also, they are a pain to empty and don't even eliminate odor all that much. A tip: save up your plastic shopping bags from the grocery store. Throw each dirty diaper in one of those, tie it up and take it out with the regular trash.
Having 10 Million Outfits: Oh the cuteness - they are irresistable, I know! But slow your roll in the infant apparel department. Babies grow so fast that if you have too many clothes, you will end up giving away things that never even had a chance to be worn, or at least selling them for a fraction of what you bought them for.
Grooming Kits: Those all-in-one kits with baby-sized nail clippers, nail files, brushes/combs and whatever else. They seem convenient, but most women already have these things in their home. I always used my own nail scissors on Tiegan, and if you don't have a pair of these, regular fingernail clippers work fine. As far as the baby-sized nail files? They're just nail files... miniaturized. Big whoop. A Tip: Use your own grooming utensils. Other things that come in these packages like nose aspirators and thermometers ARE things that you will want; just buy them individually or in a different kit, such as a safety/health kit.
Bottle Coolers for Diaper Bags: I've seen these near the bottle accessories such as bottle warmers and sanitizers. They're insulated bags to keep prepared bottles from spoiling in the diaper bag while you're out & about. They have all kinds of compartments and zippers and whatnot. Some of them may even plug in your car and act as mini-refrigerators for all I know. A Tip: grab a regular insulated lunch bag. When you're on the go, a plastic baggie full of ice cubes along with your bottles inside the lunch bag should suffice.

What's Worth It...

Lotions, Washes & Ointments: Here's where your saved money from the above will come in handy. There are certain things you can get away with skimping on, and certain things where the rule "you get what you pay for" really does apply. And it applies here big-time. The best skin care is really essential for baby - your skin is the biggest organ in (on) your body and it's the only one you've got. In my opinion, taking good care of your skin is important - for everyone!
Receiving Blankets: We've always had an abundance of these, and they come in handy for much more than just swaddling your baby. You can roll them up and place them in an upside-down "U" shape in baby's carseat to support their head. You can use them to shield your baby from the sun, or to cover up while breastfeeding (although I didn't breastfeed Tiegan, I heard this is a good trick). See what other uses you can find for them - I'm sure you'll discover tons.
Pack-n-Play: Soooo worth it. They are a pain to put up & dismantle at first, but once you get the hang of it you can probably do it with your eyes closed. Tiegan slept in one at her grandparents' house. And when she started roaming around, it was perfect to set her in with a few toys when I couldn't keep both eyes on her at all times. She never napped in her bedroom - we always just kept a pack-n-play in the living room for her naps. We also took it outside on nice days. In my opinion: one of the best baby-gear investments. I imagine it will be even more helpful the 2nd time around for us, as I can put Sofia in it and Tiegan can't reach in from the outside to bother her if I'm busy.

There are my two cents for the time being. Hope I could help! Moms: if you have anything to add, please do!!

Thirty-Eight

2009-06-20T05:14:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was my 38-week appointment, and was also the day during my 1st pregnancy on which I was induced to have Tiegan. We are getting so very close.

The appointment went well -
I'm 138 lbs. which means I've gained 38 lbs.... fitting for my 38th week, hmm?
2cm dilated
25% effaced
Measuring right on track

The doctor had to check me very quickly & then run off to deliver a baby, so the nurse finished up my appointment. I have to say - it's the nicest she's ever been to me. Mom came with me and she answered all our questions and even took the time to chat. I actually felt welcome (for once). She made sure I live close enough to the hospital to get there in time if I go into labor at home. She seems to think it could be that quick!

I was hoping to talk to Doc about inducing, since I knew he was going to be on vacation this coming week, but no dice. As soon as he was done delivering that baby, he was officially on vacation until the 30th. So I'm just going to have to wait and see if I go into labor on my own. If I do before the 30th (I hope I hope I hope), another doctor will obviously have to deliver. I'm not all that worried about it - I just hope it's not the doctor that delivered Tiegan. I didn't very much care for his bedside manner.

Other miscellany for today...

It's going to be sweltering hot and gorgeous out all week. Perfect swimming weather. Unfortunately, I can't get in & out of the water (no ladder on the dock - the simple task of jumping & pulling myself up is something I can't perform these days). But I promise to take photos of our Little Fish in the water next time she gets in.

We need a new fridge. The seals aren't meeting up and it's pouring out cold air. Condensation is dripping from it. This is costing us tons of money on our electric bill.

I need to sort & put away laundry. Yup. MORE laundry.

Pork Chop

2009-06-17T16:55:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I've updated about Tiegan's growth & development. She is such a loving, caring soul. I could probably brag on her all day, but I'll try to make this short & sweet (just like her).

- The alphabet and counting from 1-10 are old hat. She is now onto spelling words and even recognizing what some of them say. She can count to 30, and backwards from 10 to 1. She can also write all the letters of the alphabet, and can write words if told how to spell them.

- It's no surprise to us that she LOVES the water. Last summer we swam in my parents' above-ground pool almost every day. This year, grandma Judy has a similar pool and of course we live on the lake. She could play in the water all day, every day if she could. She's like me, though... still prefers the shallow area where her feet can touch the bottom. ;)

- She is developing the attitude of a teenager. Sometimes, the way she talks back to me, I could swear she was 13. The other day, I was changing her clothes. She saw what I had laid out for her, stomped her foot and said "But I don't WANT jammies on yet!" I calmly informed her that those were daytime clothes, not jammies. Her retort, eye-roll and all (and I swear I saw a little bit of chicken head): "Don't you KNOW what jammies look like?"

- The sophisticated phrases that come out of this girl's mouth astound me. Some examples:
Me (opening the car window): "Is that OK, or is it too windy?" Tiegan: "It's enjoyable."
Me: "The car is making a funny noise." Tiegan: "We'll have to ask Daddy what's causing that noise."
Tiegan (wanting to get down from a stool): "Please let me down immediately!"

- Bossy Bossy Bossy. This girl thinks she is Queen of the Universe and can tell anybody/everybody what to do. The things she says aren't too bad - she's just trying to be helpful, but it's the way she says them that bothers me. I've just been trying to get her to rephrase. Any suggestions for how to do this are welcome! For instance, she'll demand that someone put their seatbelt on. I'd rather she kindly remind them.

- Her favorite color changes every day. She prefers not to play with makeup because she likes herself the way she is. She hates pop. She likes to brush her teeth. She loves to sing, dance, play kickball, and do puzzles. She is sweet and affectionate - so much that we have already had to explain what "love" is, and that we don't just go around telling everyone we love them. (like the cashier at the dollar store - HA)

- She already loves her baby sister. She will tell you that her name is Sofia Quinn and that she's coming any day now. She'll also tell you all the things she's going to teach Sof and how excited she is to be a big sister. My belly gets more hugs and kisses these days than I do. And I think that's just fine.

Plastic, Plants, Furniture, Belly.

2009-06-16T18:50:00.000-07:00

I love new water toys. I especially love the smell of new plastic. But I hear that's toxic, so no sniffing for me. Those toxic smells (like gasoline) have been especially attractive to me since I've been pregnant. Does that mean something? A little weird, I think.

The front of our house has been especially green lately and I'm loving it. The long/tall grasses are growing in beautifully, so I decided to get some flowers to brighten it up a little bit.

I bought a hibiscus plant that isn't doing very well. It probably needs specific care that I'm not aware of. Guess it's wiki time for me. I also got some beautiful hanging plant. I liked it because it was kind of oriental but also tropical looking. The name has the word parasol in it. That's all I know. (I am soooo not a plant person).

Jason's grandma got us a crib. We weren't planning on getting a new one after we realized there are crucial parts missing from T's old one. The extra pack-n-play should suffice once she grows out of the bassinet, we thought. But, out of the blue the other day, Judy called to ask if she could buy us a "real" crib. I hate feeling like a charity case, so I told her she really didn't have to, but she was welcome to if she felt strongly about it. Guess she felt strongly about it.

It's the Jenny Lind. Funny because I have actually been admiring these at the store. I have been more into vintage, cottage-like furniture lately.

The crib absolutely dwarfs the whole room. I think this house was made for short people.

This chick seriously needs some decor & style in her room. As you can see I was trying to go green/aqua, but haven't quite finished the look yet. I love this crib bedding from Dwell Studio, but it's soooo expensive. I'll be fabric-hunting at JoAnn this week to try and emulate that style.

And now, my belly.